Don’t Let Me Go(90)

“She’ll come up, honey,” Rayleen said. “She always does.”

“But that takes time!” Grace whined.

“I know. Come on. We’ll wait together.”

Grace took the hand and pulled up to her feet, and walked with Rayleen to the living room, where she sat on the couch between Jesse and Rayleen.

“It’s day after tomorrow,” Grace said, “and I just keep getting more scared.”

“Actually,” Rayleen said, “day after tomorrow is just when Yolanda takes her first vacation day. Then we’ve got a couple days after that before Ms. Katz comes. And who knows? Maybe she’ll be late.”

“Or early,” Grace said.

“Don’t get yourself so upset that you throw up again today, OK? I mean, if you can possibly help it.”

“Sorry,” Grace said. “I’ll try. But it’s hard.”

? ? ?

By the time Yolanda knocked on the door, it was nearly an hour later, and Grace had thrown up twice.

Yolanda actually came in and sat down, didn’t just stand in the hall and shake her head like she usually did, and Grace didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad sign.

Grace watched Yolanda press her hands on to her knees and lean forward. Everything was taking too long.

“Oh, my God, Yolanda, if you don’t talk right now I’m going to explode!”

The words burst out of Grace, stumbling all over each other to get free.

“Sorry,” Yolanda said. “It’s just that…I always hate to get people’s hopes up too much. If it was bad news, well that would be bad, but at least I would know it was a true thing. But this seems more like good news, but I’m not positive it’s a true thing. At least, one of those true things you can count on. So that’s why I was going slow. Anyway. I get here today and she’s clean. Just clean. Just on her own like that. First time in a week I get here and find her sitting up looking at me. She knows the county lady’ll be back soon, and I guess that put the fear of God in her.”

“I thought she didn’t care about that,” Grace said, not sure whether to be elated or angry, or even what other options might be available to her in that moment.

“Me, too. When I first brought it up she didn’t seem like she did. But back then it was all sort of theoretical, I think.”

“In English, Yolanda,” Grace said, knowing it sounded grumpy, but not caring enough to fix it.

“It was more just this idea of a county lady. Like just something you talk about. Now it’s gonna happen for real, and she knows it. So…next two or three days are really key. If I could switch around and get my days off now, I’d do it, but it’s too late. I already traded with somebody. But, if she feels the pressure and stays with it. You know. After a few days maybe I can really talk to her. Like I used to. Maybe get somewheres. Anyway. I’ll come back tomorrow. I don’t know what else I can do.”

Grace felt rooted to the spot, like a copy of Grace cast in cement instead of the real thing. She heard Rayleen walking Yolanda to the door, and they were saying something, but she didn’t even look up.

A minute later she felt Jesse’s hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, little one,” he said. “Don’t look so down. It was good news. Remember?”

“I know,” she said. “I know. But before I was just all down about it, but now I’m scared, and that feels even worse. Because, like Yolanda said, you feel like it’s not really real. You have no idea how many times I thought she was clean. Before. But then it didn’t last. I can’t get happy about it. Not yet. I can’t. I’m too scared, and I feel like I’ll jinx it. I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. Rayleen, can I stay home from school?”

Grace looked up to see that the door was closed and Yolanda was gone.

“Wouldn’t that be worse?” Rayleen asked, sitting close beside her. “Just staying home and worrying?”

“I’m afraid I’ll throw up in school.”

Rayleen sighed.

“Maybe I can help,” Jesse said. “I can do some reiki on your upset stomach. It’s an energy work that helps the body heal itself.”

“But you won’t be there when I’m in school tomorrow.”

“But I can teach you how to do it for yourself.”

Jesse rubbed his hands together to get them warm, and maybe also to fill them with some kind of energy, and then he put them near Grace’s tummy but not on it. That seemed odd to Grace, that he didn’t actually touch her tummy. And she said so.

“Is that cause I’m a kid, and men aren’t supposed to touch kids?”

“No, that’s how it’s done.”

“But you’re not touching the spot that hurts.”

“But the energy is. It jumps the gap.”

So Grace waited, and felt, and tried to believe it.

“I do feel a little something,” she said, because it was either true or very close to true. Or maybe because she really wanted it to be. “But maybe you always feel something when somebody’s hand is that close.”

“Right,” Jesse said. “You feel their energy.”

“But it doesn’t always help.”

“Because it isn’t always reiki. It isn’t always a healing energy. Why don’t you just try closing your eyes and feeling what’s going on in your stomach?”