Don’t Let Me Go(92)

A long silence.

“That’s good, right?” Billy asked.

“Well. Yeah. Sure.”

“You don’t look happy,” Felipe said.

“I’m scared to believe it,” Grace said.

“But the county lady was here, and she didn’t take you,” Billy said.

He was trying to improve the mood of the room. Grace could tell. But he was also right, she suddenly realized. Whatever happened in the next twenty-eight days, there was still the point that Ms. Katz had come and gone and Grace was still here.

She’d expected to be elated if that happened. She’d pictured it so many times. And in her fantasies she’d danced, and sung happy sentences of joy, instead of just saying them. Now, in real life, she just felt a little unsteady, and needed to sit down.

? ? ?

Yolanda came to Rayleen’s door at the usual time.

Jesse got up and answered it, because Rayleen was taking a bath.

“So,” Yolanda said before she even got through the door. “Want to hear the good news first?”

“The county lady came early, and my mom was clean, and so she’s not taking me away,” Grace yelled.

She hadn’t meant to yell it. She’d meant to say the words in a normal voice, but then they got away from her and ran wild.

“Oh. You know already. OK. Did you hear about the follow-up visits?”

“The whats?”

“Oh. OK. You didn’t.”

Yolanda took her by the hand and walked her over to the couch, and sat down, and sat Grace down. Grace figured you’d have to be stupid not to know that all those things added up to bad news. Her stomach iced over, and she didn’t know if reiki would help for that, and she got overwhelmed and didn’t try.

“OK, Grace, it’s like this. Ms. Katz is going to be coming back between two and four times a month to check on your mom. To make sure she stays with it.”

“Two to four a month?”

Grace’s mouth felt numb when she said it. The words sounded fine coming out, but she couldn’t feel herself saying them.

“She’s not stupid. She knows you gotta keep a good eye on an addict.”

“Oh,” Grace said, because she couldn’t think of anything else.

“But, hey. We got through the first one. So that’s good, right?”

“Right,” Grace said. “Good. That’s good. I’m going to go see my friend Billy. And my kitty.”

Just as she got to the door, she turned back to look at Yolanda, who didn’t look very happy.

“Now you don’t have to waste any vacation days,” Grace said. “Hey. I just thought. Now you can come to my school when I dance. Remember I asked you, but you said you’d be all out of vacation days by then? Well, now you won’t.”

“Yeah,” Yolanda said, like she was thinking about something else. “OK.”

“You’ll come? Really?”

“Yeah. I really will.”

“Good. Thanks. If my mom does what she said in the note, she can even come, too. But we’ll see.”

She padded across the hall and signal-knocked on Billy’s door.

“It’s only me, Billy, let me in, OK?”

Billy opened the door.

“What’s up, baby girl? Are they going out on a date?”

“No. I don’t know. I don’t know what they’re doing. I just want to come in.”

“OK. Come in.”

“You look nice,” she said when she sat down on his couch. “I’m sorry I always forget to say that. Every time I see you now you look really nice, in nice clothes and with your hair brushed and all, and I should have already said so a long time ago.”

Mr. Lafferty the Girl Cat jumped up on the couch, and Grace held her close.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?”

“That county lady is going to come two times or maybe even four times every month to check on my mom.”

“Oh,” Billy said. He sat close to her on the couch. “For how long?”

“Like…I don’t know. Like forever. Or until she catches her loaded, I guess.”

“Oh,” Billy said.

“Yeah. Oh.”

They sat that way for a long time. Grace was watching it get dark through Billy’s thin front curtain. It got dark a lot later these days. Grace had noticed that. The days just kept going by.

Billy’s voice made her jump.

“So, are you just going to be unhappy every day? Because something could go wrong next time, even though it didn’t this time?”

“What choice do I have, Billy?”

“I think that’s the one thing we do have a choice about,” Billy said. “Ms. Katz came today, and your mom was clean, and I didn’t see you spend even one minute being happy about it.”

“Hmm,” Grace said.

It made a weird sort of sense. Ms. Katz could take her away any time now. In a week, or two weeks, or next month. But she also could have today, and she didn’t. Grace could be gone right now, but she wasn’t.

“OK, you’re right,” she said. “Yea, yea, Grace didn’t get taken away today. Every day I’m here I’ll say that little cheer. Hey, that even rhymes. Yea, yea, Grace didn’t get taken away today. Every day I’m here I’ll say that little cheer. See? Even that second part rhymes.”