Dear Heart, You Screwed Me(108)

I never got yours and Connie’s messages on the morning of your party, our party. It wasn’t until I was looking through my phone, the messages from you and Connie had been recently deleted and sat in a separate folder. I was so confused as to why I hadn’t heard from either of you. And when I confronted Adele, she sat there with no remorse at what she had done. She is a vile human being and I can’t believe I even have her in my life. I know that is no excuse, I should have been watching the clock but things got heated between me and Adele, things were said that needed to be resolved and before I knew it, I was too late.

Fuck, Reese… the look on your face when I burst through that door haunts me. I hated making you sad, I hated the look you gave me. I could see how hard you were trying to be strong, but I could also see the pain in your eyes. Your eyes never lie. They were one of the first things I fell in love with. You showed me every ounce of emotion through your beautiful opal eyes. On one of our first meetings, I swear I saw your soul. It bared everything to me.



I am not expecting forgiveness because what I done is unforgivable. I should have never made you this sad. You don’t deserve to be sad.

From the asshole behaviour I showed at the start – to not showing up at the courthouse, but the thought of having to stand there and lie to the judge about not being in love with you was almost insufferable. How could I lie about the way you make me feel? You turn my world on its axis and make me doubt every, single, fucking feeling I had ever felt prior to you. And most importantly – I do not expect forgiveness for not showing at the party.



I suppose the point of this letter is to get everything out that has been laying heavy on my heart, and this is my opportunity.

I don’t want to let you out of my heart. I don’t want you to leave my head. I will never get over the taste of your lips and I don’t want to.

I hope to God that you read this before you leave for the airport, but if you don’t – I hope that one day you find it.

I hope that one day you realise just how much I love you. How much I have always loved you.

Because you Reese Hernández are it for me. My beginning, my middle, my end… My always.

It has always been you.

It will always be you.

I love you.

My heart is yours if you want it.

Always,

Killian x





A tear fell onto the bottom of the page, smudging his name slightly. I couldn’t hold back anymore, I let them fall. And each one that fell, felt like a slither of hurt that was wrapped around my heart.

“Reese?” my dad whispered as he leant forward and looked at me.

“She’s fine,” my mum’s voice was soft as she reassured my dad.

He loved me.

I snapped my head up, wiping the tears away and slamming the diary shut. Slipping it in my bag, I looked ahead at the traffic and then behind. We weren’t moving.

“I’ve got to go,” I whispered, opening the taxi door and grabbing my bag.

“What about your suitcase?” my mum said, a silly grin on her face.

“Oh, just accept you’re going to miss your flight,” I choked as more tears began to fall “I’ll meet you at home.”

Slamming the door shut, I began weaving through the traffic to get onto the pavement. I couldn’t be that far from home.



Panting, I rushed down the hall towards the private lift that serviced Killian’s penthouse.

I was sweating, I was out of breath, but I didn’t care. I looked at myself in the mirrors, swiping my ring fingers under my eyes. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes bright. I ran my fingers through the end of my hair, trying to make it look a little tidier than it currently was.

Screw it.

This is what he is getting.

The lift doors pinged open; my shaky breath escaped me as I looked down the wide hallway to the front door. My heart was racing in my chest, the blood rushing in my ears causing a loud thump. I swallowed, gliding my clammy palms down my dress.

“You got this,” I whispered.

My legs started moving and with each step I took that brought me closer to him the nerves crashed over me. Stopping, I lifted my hand ready to knock but before I did, I inhaled deeply and tried to calm my erratic heart.

Knock, knock, knock.

I waited and with each, long, agonising second, I began to doubt my actions. Not because I didn’t love him, but in case it was too late.

I heard the handle click; my eyes dropped as I saw it turn. Everything happening in slow motion as my eyes slowly lifted to see Killian standing there. Eyes wide and red raw, lips parted and his hair a beautiful mess.

“Reese,” he breathed, but my lips cut him off as I lunged myself at him, my arms round his neck as I kissed him as if he was my only source of oxygen, as if without him I would surely die.

His hands skimmed down my side, cupping my bum and lifting me up. My legs automatically wrapping round his waist.

“You came back,” he managed through breathless kisses.

I nodded, tears of happiness streaming down my face.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his lips.

“For what?”

“For everything.”

“You have no reason to be sorry,” he reassured me, breaking away as his eyes burned into mine. “Do you understand me? You have nothing to be sorry for.”