Dear Heart, You Screwed Me(107)

I finally looked up at her, her raging brown eyes batted back and forth from mine.

“It wasn’t like that…” I whispered.

“But it was…” she sighed, “to Reese, it was like that. It was much more than what you are trying to convince us all it wasn’t,” she stood slowly but she didn’t avert her eyes from mine. “All she wanted was for you to be there for her, to put her first once in a while. But you couldn’t do that. You were too busy still trying to chase an old hag and for what? Because you have some fucked up ties with her,” Connie scoffed, “I don’t get it… she has you by the balls and has done for as long as I can remember. Just fire her ass and move the fuck on.”

“It’s not just some fucked up tie, Connie,” I felt the bile rising in my throat, it didn’t matter how much I tried I couldn’t swallow it back down.

“Do you have a secret love child with her or something?” Connie’s playful laugh riddles me with guilt. My eyes begin to fill as I nibble on the inside of my cheek.

Connie’s eyes meet mine and the laughter slips, her eyes widen, and her smile disappears.

“Dad…” Connie whispers, her eyes volleying so fast back and forth between mine as she waits for me to answer her.

“It’s you, Connie. You’re the tie.”





CHAPTER 47





REESE





We sat in the taxi in gridlocked traffic. I was grateful that my dad always plans ahead and suggested we leave earlier than we needed to.

I looked out the window at the city that I was leaving for a couple of weeks, or maybe longer. I hadn’t decided whether I was coming back or not or whether I should just cut all ties and stay at home.

Selfish? Yes.

But I would never stop Killian seeing his daughter. I would do visits here; he would do visits to England. We could make long distance parenting work.

I reached into my bag and pulled out my diary, my fingers delicately tracing over the silver detailing that surrounded the pink heart. Flipping the pages, I skimmed through the last few months. So much had happened, from the moment I landed on American soil I felt like the rug was pulled from under my feet.

Maybe this was for the best, maybe this is what was supposed to happen. Killian can now pursue a relationship with Adele without being racked with guilt and I can move on with my life. It was cleaner this way.

I nodded to myself as I continued turning the pages, a rush of emotions surging through me.

I had three quarters of the book left before I would need a new diary, it was always a bittersweet moment for me. I had a new diary ready for all new memories, but it also meant closing the diary on my past and that’s what I found the hardest. Leaving the past behind and living in the moment.

I began flicking the pages with my thumb when I noticed scribbles on the back pages. My heart raced as I turned the last page to see a diary entry from Killian. How had he got my diary?

I choked as I began to read.

Reese,



I don’t even know if you will get this diary entry, but it’s the only way I can tell you what has been going on. I have tried but I can’t muster the words, or more to the point – you don’t let me.

Let’s address the burning question that no doubt you have asked yourself. How did I get your diary?

You can thank your mom for that. After I left earlier today, your mom followed me and found me sitting on the sidewalk outside of the apartment block. She sat next to me silently for a while, neither of us speaking because let’s face it – I didn’t know what to say to her and vice versa. You will always be their priority and that’s why she sought me out. You would have never been that sad if you really wanted me to go.

You were angry with me – no, sorry… you were, and no doubt still are, disappointed in me. Heck, I am disappointed in myself.

First of all – I am so fucking sorry, Buttercup. I never meant for things to get this out of control. The thought of you wasting your tears on me breaks my heart. The thought of me hurting you for my own selfishness makes me sick to my stomach. You deserve so much more, you deserve to be truly happy Reese. After everything you have been through, you are still so loving and caring and kind. You will always put others above yourself which I admire, and I hope I can be a little more like you going forward.

Don’t for one second doubt my feelings for you – I have and always will be in love with you. You were a wrecking ball in my life all those months ago but fuck, I am glad you came into my life. Everything before you was so dull and monotonous.

You made me see color again. You made me see how beautiful the world really can be, but also how bitterly cruel it can be too. There is no way you should have lost your Elijah, neither of you deserved that kind of loss and suffering at such a young age. You radiate love and light up every single room you walk into. I love watching you smile, I love to be the one who makes you smile but let’s be honest, I have made you cry more than I have made you smile for the last few weeks and for that I am truly sorry.



Your birthday party. I broke my promise, and that was a real asshole thing to do. But please believe me when I tell you it wasn’t intentional. Yes, I was with Adele. It wasn’t out of choice and when I tell you she is nothing to me, I mean it. She is just someone who I have a past with, someone whom I share a tie with. It’s complicated and messy but I promise I will explain all.