Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits #4)(20)

“I’m throwing a party tonight. I’d love to see you there, if you’re up for it?”

I’m not into the whole college party scene. I don’t have time for it, and if I were to attend, I’d miss the shelter’s curfew. My agreement with Ricardo meant I could never miss curfew, or I’d risk losing my bed. Now that I’m officially employed by the shelter, it’s probably different, but I still won’t risk it. Besides… it’s Wednesday. Alanna volunteers on Wednesdays.

“I can’t,” I tell her. “But thank you for inviting me.”

I haven’t seen Alanna for nearly two months now, because of this damn seminar. It’s ends so late that she’s usually gone by the time I get back. Today is the first time it’s ever been canceled. Speaking to her on the phone isn’t enough, not anymore. There’s no way I’ll pass on a chance to see her, just to go to some party.

I smile at Regina and walk past her. “Wait!” she says, sounding mildly panicked. I turn back around to face her, and she smiles nervously. “Um, could I… could I maybe have your number?”

“Why?” I frown, confused.

She looks at me, her eyes wide and her cheeks rosy. What is wrong with her?

“Um, it’s just, we’ve been in the same seminar all semester. I thought it would be good to exchange notes every once in a while.”

“Right,” I murmur, nodding. I take out my phone and unlock it before handing it to her. She takes it from me and dials her own phone number before saving it for me. For some reason, she hesitates before giving it back to me. Why is she being so awkward? As far as I’m aware, we’ve never spoken before today.

“Thanks,” I tell her, taking my phone back from her. She nods and looks at me as though there’s more she wants to say, but I don’t have time to hang around. Not today. “See you at our next seminar.”

She nods, and I walk away in a rush, worried I’ll miss the next bus. I can barely remember the last time I saw Alanna, and I’m looking forward to spending some time with her again. Thanks to my new job and bedroom at the shelter, I get to talk to her until whatever time I want now. Our conversations usually last until either of us falls asleep, but it isn’t the same as seeing her. It’s strange, but Alanna and I can go weeks without seeing each other, and our friendship never changes.

“You’re back earlier than usual today,” Ricardo says when I walk into the shelter. I pause and nod, suddenly feeling awkward. “She’s in the kitchen.”

“Who?” I ask, playing dumb.

Ricardo shakes his head and glances back at his tablet, his gaze thoughtful. I was sure he’d have warned me away by now, and the fact that he hasn’t means he trusts me with her. I know I can’t take this any further. It isn’t just the age difference, it’s everything else too. There’s no future for us. I can’t have her, but I allow myself this much. I allow myself her company and her friendship, for as long as she’s willing to give me that.

I pause in the kitchen doorway, the sound of her laughter stopping me in my tracks. I watch her as she smiles at one of the kitchen employees. She’s no doubt being told some type of outrageous story. I wonder if she realizes that she brightens up all our days. I’m not the only one who looks forward to her visits.

I push away from the wall and walk up to her, wishing I could just take her into my arms. She’s so ridiculously beautiful, yet I can never tell her that. Not without making things weird between us. “Ray,” I murmur, fighting the possessiveness I feel.

She looks up from the soup she’s cooking, and my heart starts to race when her eyes find mine. “Silas.” The way she says my name has me taking another step toward her. Fuck. If I could kiss her right now, I would.

“Let me help you.”

I feel her eyes on me as I wash my hands and grab an apron and gloves. Does she realize what she’s doing to me? It’s been a year and a half since she first started volunteering here, and in that time, she’s managed to wear me down. I remember how badly I wanted to stay away from her when she first came here, yet now I can’t even fall asleep if I don’t hear her telling me goodnight first. Each time I saw her, she left me wanting just a little more of her. One more smile, one more conversation… and that just turned into a phone call, and another. My friendship with Alanna developed slowly, forged by my inability to resist her.

I take the spoon from her, and she grabs a bag of cornstarch to thicken the soup with. “I think we should add some more vegetables,” she says, and I nod.

“You look tired,” I murmur, my voice low enough for our conversation to be private in this busy kitchen. “Did I keep you up too late last night?”

I smirk when her cheeks turn rosy. So beautiful. It’s insane how stunning she is, and somehow she just gets more beautiful each time I see her. “Silas,” she admonishes. “If anyone heard you say that, they’d misunderstand.”

I bite back a smile and shake my head. I’d tell her that there’d be no room for misunderstandings if I ever took her to bed, but I can’t say that. I can’t joke around with her like that, crossing the boundaries she’s been pushing. “I’m serious,” I tell her. “You look exhausted. Things not going well with your dad?”

She shakes her head. “No. He’s sold most of his cars and pretty much every other valuable thing we own other than our home, but I don’t think it’s enough. We’re receiving letters from debtors every week, sometimes multiple times a week. I don’t know what’s going on, Si, and he won’t talk to me. If I try asking him anything at all, he just tells me not to worry. I don’t know what to do.”