Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits #4)(15)

My heart races as I press the dial button, and my eyes widen as I listen to the dial tone. I can’t tell whether I even want him to pick up or not. Part of me wants to just end the call and pretend I butt-dialed him if he ever asks about it, but a larger part of me wants to hear his voice. Maybe it’s silly, but every time I go to the shelter, I secretly hope to catch a glimpse of him. There’s something about him that’s insanely addictive, and in my mind I keep replaying moments I’ve shared with him. When I can’t sleep, I think of the way he held me each time Caleb was around, the way he pulled me against him when he told me to knee him in the balls, the way he sometimes looks at me. I know he isn’t interested in me, but part of me is hoping to change his mind someday.

“Alanna?”

I swallow hard at the sound of his voice and clench my phone tightly. “Silas, hi!”

I let my eyes fall closed and suppress a groan. I’m so awkward, and I’m grateful he can’t see me right now.

Silas chuckles, and the sound of it makes my heart skip a beat. “What’s up?” he asks. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes!” I clear my throat awkwardly and fall back onto my bed. What was I thinking, calling him? “Nothing is wrong… I just, well, I just haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks, and I wanted to know how you are, that’s all.”

“Question for your thoughts?”

I smile to myself, surprised he remembers the conversation we had when we were packing food together.

“My thoughts? I’m not sure there’s all that much on my mind, Si.”

“I’m sure there is,” he says, his tone different to usual. He sounds more relaxed, and even through the phone, he does to me what no one else can… he makes me feel like I’ve got his full attention, like no one but me matters. “What was on your mind before you called me?”

I fall silent, surprised he realizes anything is wrong at all. “How did you know?” I ask, my voice soft.

“Alanna,” he murmurs. “I just do. Tell me.”

“My mind is a scary place, Si. You have no idea what you’re asking for.”

He chuckles, and I grin, imagining what he must look like with that smile on his face. “Shock me, Alanna.”

I turn to my side and stare at the wall for a moment. “There’s a lot on my mind, Si. I think my father’s company might be in trouble. Dad is always working, and I miss him. I hate being home alone all the time. I hate that I don’t have any friends, and I blame Caleb for it. But then I also blame myself for being such a bitch to him. Maybe if I hadn’t rejected him the way I did, school wouldn’t have gotten as bad as it is now. No one talks to me. My entire life is just homework, studying, volunteering at the shelter, and spending my evenings eating dinner by myself.”

“Sweetheart,” Silas says, and my heart starts to race. Every once in a while, he’ll call me sweetheart or baby, and I doubt he even realizes it. “That’s a lot you’re carrying. Do you want my advice, or do you want to vent?”

I hesitate for a moment, surprised he’s even giving me those two options. “I think I want your advice,” I whisper.

“Tell your dad that you miss him, Alanna. I buried my dad on the day we met, and if I could go back in time, I’d make sure I spend more time with him, even if it means hanging out at his office with him. You could do your homework at his office, right? I’m sure you can think of some ways to spend more time around him without him feeling like his work would suffer for it. If his company truly is in trouble, he can’t take time off right now, but you can silently support him by being around him. Do you think that might work?”

I nod to myself. “To be honest, that hadn’t actually occurred to me before. It’s a good idea. Back in the day, Dad never wanted me around, because there were so many construction guys, and the sites he used to work on weren’t that safe, but these days Dad has his own office, so I think it’d be fine.”

“As for Caleb,” he says. “I honestly don’t know what to say. I truly thought he’d get over it, you know? I guess he really likes you.”

I bite down on my lip nervously. “About that…”

“What?” he says, his tone rougher. “Don’t tell me you actually went on a date with him?”

Something about his tone has my heart beating a little faster. I know he isn’t jealous, but this is exactly how I imagine he’d sound if he were. “No, of course not. Three weeks ago, I spray painted a message onto his car, and I’m pretty sure he knows it was me. It kind of took our feud to a different level.”

“What did you do?”

“I used a can of graffiti to spray-paint My Owner is a Prime Example of Fragile Masculinity all over the hood of his car. In pink.”

Silas bursts out laughing, and the sound of it makes me smile too. “Alanna, you beautiful soul. Every time I talk to you, I’m reminded that someday, you’re going to drive one lucky man completely crazy in the very best way. Caleb hasn’t been able to pin it on you, has he?”

I shake my head, even though he can’t see me. “No, of course not. I found out where he lives and went to his house at night. No one saw me, and he can’t pin it on me at all. I guess that’s why he’s so mad, but it’s fine. It accomplished what I wanted it to. He’s stopped pursuing me.”