Big Chicas Don't Cry(93)

“It’s my day off.”

“I know that. I wasn’t asking as your editor.”

My heart jumped despite my brain trying to remain impartial and unbothered. “I’m just running some errands.”

“Want to grab some tacos later?”

I resisted the urge to ask if Isela was busy. “I could eat tacos,” I said.

This was our mutual apology, I guess. It didn’t fix things—at least not right now. But it was a start.

“Listen, Erica, I just want . . .”

I stopped him there because I wasn’t ready for that conversation. “And I’m not talking those two-for-ninety-nine-cents tacos, either, Mr. Cheapskate,” I said, interrupting. “I want the real deal, complete with rice and beans and margaritas.”

He laughed. “Fine. I’ll give you the real deal.”

“Awesome. See you later.”

I sat in my car for another thirty minutes or so thinking about the interview and whether I could make it through lunch without letting on what I was up to or what I was feeling.

The truth was, the only real thing I wanted from Adrian now had nothing to do with tacos and everything to do with his feelings for me.





Chapter Fifty-Nine


SELENA


I decided I wouldn’t let Gracie ignore me any longer.

After my exit interview with the Umbridge brothers, I drove to St. Christopher’s and parked across from the church. I knew school would be dismissed in less than ten minutes, so I waited outside the gates with the groups of parents there to pick up their children.

Once the gate opened, I made my way past the rush of kids and found Gracie’s classroom. I waited outside until the last of her students had walked out. I could see her from the doorway. She was erasing the dry-erase board, and she looked tired and sad.

“Knock, knock,” I said as I walked inside and shut the door behind me.

“Selena, what are you doing here? Did something happen?” she asked fearfully.

“No, no, everyone is fine. I just thought I’d stop by for a visit.”

She raised her eyebrows and narrowed her stare. “Why? You’ve never done that before.”

“Well, I’ve never needed to before,” I said matter-of-factly. “I used to be able to get ahold of you when I needed to talk to you. What’s going on? Why are you avoiding me?”

She looked away and walked back to her desk and started combing through a pile of papers. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She was always such a bad liar.

“Hey, I’m serious! I want to know. Tell me what I did or what I said to deserve the cold shoulder,” I pleaded.

“I don’t have time for this now. I have a lot of papers to grade and I’m supposed to be outside on traffic duty.” She stood as if to walk out.

I moved forward and stood right in front of her so she couldn’t leave. “Oh, my dear sister, we are totally going to do this now. What the hell is your problem?”

The look she gave me made my stomach churn. “You really don’t know, do you? That is so like you. Oblivious to everyone and everything.”

“Dammit, Graciela! Just freaking tell me already so I can apologize and we can get over this,” I yelled.

Then Gracie did something I had never ever seen her do. She yelled back.

“You’re leaving me! You’re leaving us,” she screamed.

“You mean the family?”

“I mean me and my baby! You’re my sister. You were supposed to be here and help me through this. You were supposed to go to Lamaze classes with me. You were supposed to throw me a baby shower. You were supposed to do this with me. You promised me!”

She was really sobbing now.

“I can still do some of those things,” I said and tried to give her a hug. She didn’t hug me back.

“It won’t be the same.” She shook her head.

“What do you want me to say, Gracie?” We were facing each other again, and I searched her eyes for an answer. “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect this to happen, just like you didn’t expect to get pregnant.”

“I knew it!” she screamed. “You don’t want me to have this baby.”

My heart broke at the accusation. I grabbed her shoulders to make sure she heard every word. “That’s not true, Gracie. You know that. I get that you’re hurt, but now you’re being mean. I love this baby. I love you.”

She slumped for a second but then stiffened in my grip. “Just forget it. It doesn’t matter anymore,” she said. Her words were cold, and I shivered at the chill that ran through me. I let go.

She walked back to the desk to sit down.

“It does matter. It matters to me,” I cried. “I didn’t do this to hurt you. I’m sorry that you feel like I’m abandoning you. I’m just so, so sorry.”

She covered her face with her hands and continued crying. Her words were muffled, but I could still understand them. “I’m just so scared. I don’t know how I’m going to do this all on my own.”

“But sweetie, that’s just it. You’re not alone.” I walked over and pulled her hands off her face. “You have Mom and Dad. Even Rachel can help. Then there’s all the tías. And, don’t forget, Erica and probably Mari too. And even though we may not see each other all the time, we can still talk on the phone and text. Heck, I’ll buy you the latest iPhone so we can video chat that way too.”