Big Chicas Don't Cry(88)

“I still can’t believe she came here with no husband and five kids. She must have been so scared,” Gracie said.

“Maybe. But she had no choice. She had to do what was best for her family and for her. Sometimes, you find the strength to do what scares you most if you believe your life will be better because of it.”

I thought about Welita and Erica and how much I wanted to be like them and go after a dream.



“Gracie, can I tell you something?” I said on the drive back to our parents’ house.

“Of course. Anything.”

“I’m being offered a new job in New York.”

“New York! With who? Nathan?”

“No, not Nathan. I mean, he helped get the interview, but it’s with this huge advertising agency. I’d be handling clients from all over the country, even a few in Europe.”

“Wow. That’s . . . amazing. Are you going to take it?”

“I’m thinking about it. Erica wants me to go just so you guys can have an excuse to visit.”

“Erica knows? Since when?”

“I just told her the other day. Actually, I had already turned it down and thought I’d lost it. Then Nathan called and told me the job was still mine if I wanted it. And I’m kinda thinking that I want it. I mean, is that totally crazy? To take a job in a city where I’d only know one person?”

Gracie stayed quiet for a few seconds. “Only you can answer that.”

I hated when she was so rational. “That doesn’t help me,” I whined. “Tell me what you think I should do.”

“I can’t, Selena. But what I can say is that this is a major, major decision. You have to seriously think of all of the pros and cons.”

We arrived at the house, and that was the end of the conversation. But my mind kept wandering to New York.

Later that night, I took out my laptop and googled images of the city. They were intimidating, but in an exciting kind of way. Then I spent the next ten minutes listing my pros and cons.

There was only one con, though, that mattered: leaving my family. A million thoughts rushed through my mind. I prayed and asked God to help me make the right decision.

I thought about Welita and how brave she had been. And, in my heart, I felt she would tell me to take the job.

Finally, just after eleven p.m., I pulled up Nathan’s email. We hadn’t spoken since that night he’d shown up at my place and I’d basically stepped all over his heart. Even after that, I had wanted so badly to pick up the phone. But Nathan deserved more than someone whose life was such a mess. Someone who didn’t realize too late how lucky she was to have him in her life.

I told myself it was better this way. I was choosing New York for me and not anyone else.

I’ll take the job, I typed. Thank you, Nathan.

Then I hit send.





Chapter Fifty-Six


MARI


I watched him, not quite sure what we were anymore to each other.

Could he still be my friend after all this? Did I want him to be?

“Thanks again for coming over,” Chris said, then took a sip of the espresso he’d made just a few minutes earlier. I sat across from him on his couch holding my own cup. I met his eyes and smiled.

“Well, I figured I owed you a conversation. I’m sorry for not answering your texts or calls. I just needed some time to deal with, well, everything.”

“You don’t have to apologize. You needed your space. I understand that.”

I put my cup down on the coffee table between us. “Honestly, I have to let you know that one of the reasons I didn’t reach out is because I was angry at you, Chris. You had no right to tell Esteban about your feelings for me.”

He hung his head. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“What were you thinking?”

Chris put down his cup too. “Do you really want to know?”

I leaned back and folded my arms across my chest. “I do.”

“I only said something because he pissed me off. That day Esteban kept going on and on about how you were going through some weird phase and that he was going to surprise you that night with some flowers and jewelry. He told me that you would never leave him because you had nowhere else to go. So, I got angry and told him that I loved you and that I would take care of you. And I will, Marisol. All you have to do is let me.”

Although I was angry at Esteban for what he’d said about me, I was still irritated that Chris thought I needed to be taken care of. Neither of these men believed I was capable of doing anything without them.

“I can’t, Chris.”

“I’m sorry,” he rushed out. “I’m so sorry. I know you’re not ready.”

It wasn’t that at all.

“It’s not that. You’ve been a good friend to me for so many years, but I don’t love you like the way you love me. And I don’t think I ever will.”

I stood up and grabbed my purse. It had been a mistake to come here.

“You still love him, don’t you?” he asked softly.

I ignored the question because I wasn’t ready to face my feelings for Esteban. It made me too sad. “Our marriage hadn’t been working for a while. The separation, the divorce was never about you. It was about me finally telling him that I didn’t want to keep living a lie. And I still don’t. I hope, eventually, you and I can be friends again. But we’re never going to be more than that. I’m sorry.”