Big Chicas Don't Cry(94)

My voice started to break, and tears ran down my cheeks. I lowered my head so I could look directly in her eyes. “And, I will be there right by your side when you deliver this baby. Even if I have to get on a plane in an hour’s notice, I will be here. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to stop me from seeing the birth of my first niece or nephew.”

She sighed in resignation. “Whatever you say, Selena.”



It’s funny how you only come to appreciate things when it’s time to leave them behind. As I walked through the doors of the Inland Valley International Airport, I couldn’t believe how much it had changed and expanded over the last several years.

The last time I was here it was to say goodbye to Gracie before she left for Washington, DC, with her eighth-grade class from St. Christopher’s. I remembered envying her, but also hating her at the same time.

It was the first time we would be apart for more than a day, and I cried and cried and begged my parents to let me go with her. To her credit, Gracie didn’t hate the idea. Now I think it was because she was scared to go somewhere without me or my parents. If my parents had let her, Gracie would have taken her bratty kid sister all the way to Washington, DC.

Of course she survived the trip. I was mad at her for going and had refused to come with my parents to pick her up from the airport. I had planned on staying mad at her for the rest of my life, but as soon as I saw her getting out of the car in our driveway, I ran and hugged her. She hugged me back and gave me a snow globe from the Capitol.

It had taken many years for me to return to Inland Valley International. I usually only booked flights out of John Wayne in Orange County or LAX.

But it felt right to move to my new city from the city I’d grown up in. And it was convenient for my parents to come see me off, even if Gracie wouldn’t.

“Do you need cash for the taxi when you get there?” my dad asked. He started to pull out his wallet.

“No, Daddy, remember? The agency is sending a car to pick me up.”

“Is Nathan going to meet you?” This time it was Mom.

“I don’t think so. But it’s fine. I’m probably just going to go straight to the hotel and take a nap.”

I hadn’t told them that I hadn’t heard from Nathan in weeks.

“Do you want us to wait with you until you have to go to the gate?” asked Erica, stifling a yawn.

“No, it’s fine. I’m going to get some coffee and then just hang out and wait. I only have a couple of hours. Besides, you guys can’t go upstairs to the boarding areas.”

All of them nodded. When there was nothing left to say, I hugged each of them and tried hard not to cry. I looked one last time out the glass doors of the airport entrance.

“I’m sure she’ll call you later,” my mom offered.

I only nodded because my throat tightened with a sob. I took a deep breath, waved to my family, and started to walk to the escalator that would take me to Departures and on my way to my new life in New York.

“Selena! Wait! Selena!” My head whipped around to see my sister running up to me carrying a small purple gift bag.

She barreled into me, and I dropped my carry-on. She squeezed me hard, and I could hear her sobs against my shoulder.

“I’m . . . sorry. Please . . . don’t . . . hate . . . me,” she hiccupped.

I started sobbing just as hard. “It’s . . . me . . . who’s . . . sorry. I’m . . . such . . . a . . . bad . . . sister . . . leaving . . . you . . . when . . . you . . . need . . . me . . . the . . . most.”

“Girls, girls.” I heard my mother’s voice. “People are starting to stare. What chillonas.”

We both started laughing and wiped away our tears. I sighed, and for the first time in weeks, I felt light.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel bad for leaving,” Gracie said after we’d both calmed down. “You know I just want you to be happy, right? And if moving to New York is going to make you happy, then I’m happy for you too.”

I hugged her again. Then I bent down to her rounded belly and kissed it. “I’ll see you soon, little baby.”

I promise.





Chapter Sixty


MARI


“Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you enjoy.”

As I spooned the stuffing onto the woman’s plate, I noticed her eyes grow big.

“Are those real croutons?” she asked.

I smiled. “They sure are. I baked the sourdough bread myself.”

She licked her lips in appreciation. “Thank you. And happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.”

I shook off the twinge of sadness at the word family and went back to serving my homemade stuffing to the next person in line.

“Do you need another pan yet?” Gracie asked from behind me.

I still wasn’t sure why I’d agreed to help her today. I’d been caught off guard when she’d called the day before to invite me to her church’s annual Thanksgiving lunch for the homeless and other disadvantaged community members. But part of this whole effort to be a better Mari meant saying yes to chances to get to know my cousins again. Besides, hadn’t I told Chris that day at lunch so long ago that I wanted my life to matter somehow?

The thought of Chris immediately led to Esteban. I hadn’t spoken to him in over a month. My lawyer dealt with his lawyer and told me what I needed to know when it came to next steps and money stuff. Meanwhile, Letty was my source for all other intel on Esteban and his new life without me. A sad guilt had washed over me when she’d told me that instead of our annual Thanksgiving feast, Esteban was planning to spend the day golfing and then treating some of his associates to dinner at the country club.