The Ugly Duckling Debutante (House of Renwick #1)(36)

“My lord,” Sai said, bowing before him. His entire body was tense, waiting for what was certain to come next. “It’s been a lovely evening, but I believe it's time to take our leave, if you are ready?” She held out her hand to Nicholas. A lifeline. She was saving him, rescuing him from the destruction he deserved. Why was she being so kind? She had to know. He took her arm and nodded to Lady Fenton, who appeared to have a small smile playing on her lips. The three of them walked in silence to the outside; the hall echoed with only the sound of their shoes as they walked across the floor. Some people had the decency to look away; others stared, mouths agape, at the most scandalous scene of the season.

Silence filled the carriage on the ride home and exhaustion overwhelmed Nicholas. Taking a breath required almost too much effort. He had managed to ruin not only his own life because of his brash decisions, but also Sai’s. She would be forced to marry him regardless of his reputation. Backing out would leave her forever ruined for a good match. Why did she do it? She would never understand how much love she expressed to him in that moment of acceptance. He sighed, and Lady Fenton cleared her throat.

Sai was the first to speak. “When do I get to meet him, Nicholas?”

Nicholas nearly choked. “Who?”

Sai smiled brilliantly as she reached over and patted his hand. “Your son.”

She knew. Of course she knew. Lady Fenton was one of the few women who knew the full truth of the twisted tale. Yet the truth of what happened that night had been safely locked away in his heart as well as Lady Fenton’s. There was no way for them to have known that tonight of all nights, his life would be ruined. His throat felt dry and achy. He feared if he spoke it would come out shaky and dripping with emotion. He swallowed again before answering “Tonight, if that’s agreeable?” He knew that normally it was frowned upon for a betrothed couple to be alone, but given the circumstances he hoped Lady Fenton would take pity.

Lady Fenton eyes scanned his briefly before she knocked on the door. “Sir, please drop me off at the manor, then see to it that the couple goes to Renwick House.” She understood.

“Yes, my lady,” the driver called.

Within minutes, Lady Fenton said her goodbyes, and Nicholas was left alone with Sai. He never felt more afraid in his life. His entire soul seemed to have been opened up to her, leaving every nook and cranny of his heart exposed. Would she accept him? That was the question. The irony brought a sad smile to his lips. Not an hour ago he was begging her to leave him alone, but now he felt if she wouldn’t have him, his heart would cease to beat.

“Are you amused, my lord?” Sai asked. As she waited for Nicholas to respond, she carefully moved to his side of the carriage and sat. “I would think you, of all people, would have trouble finding something to smile about at a time like this.”

“Me, of all people?” he asked curious.

“Yes. You—the negative cynic, my lord.” Sai raised an eyebrow.

“Ah yes. Well, there is that,” he answered dryly. “There is also the largest scandal to sweep the ton that now taints both our names, but that’s hardly worth smiling about.”

She smiled in return making him want to kiss her pretty little mouth until the smile melted from her lips.

“So?” she prompted.

I have to say it.

When had he ever been a coward? Oh, that’s right. Ever since Sai waltzed into his life. He lost himself in her eyes and lifted a warm hand to her face. “You make me smile, Sai. What you did, who you are—you are the reason that amidst this terrible night, I wear a smile on my face.”

Her eyes pooled with tears, silencing him. And suddenly Nicholas wanted nothing more than to comfort her. He pulled her gently into his lap and caressed her neck and arms.

“Thank you,” he whispered against her hair.

The carriage rattled to a stop far too soon. Nicholas silently cursed himself for not telling the driver to continue around the block a few more times, until he was good and ready to relinquish this moment in Sai's arms.

There was no time to prepare her as they were greeted at the door by the nurse. Nicholas managed a weak smile when two-year-old Duncan came tumbling toward him.

“How was your night, my lord?” the nurse inquired as Duncan continued to make his way to Nicholas.

“It had its ups and downs,” he answered truthfully, then picked up his son; the son he helped create not so long ago. Duncan was an exact replica of the woman he so long ago had an affair with. A sickening feeling descended like a choking fog. It was his fault this boy was brought into the world this way. Yet he couldn’t help but feel proud as well. He didn’t care much for his own reputation anymore, and he desperately wanted to protect that of his son and the woman whom he cared so deeply about.

It wasn’t until that night Nicholas realized how much he did care for Sai. He would rather die for her than put her through any more humiliation. What was it about him she wanted anyway? He had the worst reputation of the ton and now an illegitimate son to boot. Maybe if he found out why she needed to marry, other than to save her reputation, he could redeem himself. He kissed Duncan on the head and looked at a smiling Sai.

“This is my son, Duncan.”

As if on cue, Duncan reached out to Sai with pudgy hands. Sai laughed and took him into a little embrace. Nicholas was stunned when Sai began singing a lullaby to his little boy. Within minutes, he was sleeping. The little devil was actually sleeping. The nurse had spent the better part of two days trying to get him to bed, and Sai merely sang a song and he was putty in her hands.