The Ugly Duckling Debutante (House of Renwick #1)(34)

Some of the pins that had once been secure hung loosely around her neck. She re-pinned them as best she could and smoothed her dress. Noticing a mirror in the far corner of the salon, she stared at the unrecognizable girl gazing back at her—she was not the same girl who left the country just a few weeks earlier.

She found it ironic Nicholas actually desired a simple country girl, oblivious to the fact that she was just that, nothing more. He assumed she was rich, and had a dowry the size of her aunt's fortune. He also assumed she was a lady, which she also was not. The thought humbled her. She traveled all the way to London to secure a husband with riches, and the only one she wanted didn’t want a lady of the ton, but a simple girl like the one she used to see staring back at her through the glass.

A sigh escaped her lips and she pinched her cheeks to add color to a face that she knew looked terribly tired and pale. She would be brave, and she would marry Nicholas. It must be; even if he kept pushing her away, she knew her aunt wouldn’t stand for his backing out, so he was stuck with her unless something drastic happened. Earlier today she heard from her mother that their money was dwindling. It was now all up to her to marry someone who could take care of her family. And Nicholas could do just that.

Some ladies walked in to the room and stared at her, then abruptly left whispering between themselves. Normally she was approached and spoken to. How swiftly things changed when one appeared to have a secret rendezvous in the garden. She shrugged and grabbed her reticule to leave, when the doors suddenly burst open.

“There you are!” Lady Fenton screamed. “I have been looking everywhere for you. Quickly. We must go. We must go immediately.”

Sara nodded her head and followed, apparently someone saw her and Nicholas in the garden. It was hardly scandalous enough for people to be gossiping. They were betrothed after all—not that it made her feel any less dirty for engaging in something so completely wanton. It was totally out of character for her. No, in fact, it was pure desperation. She was willing to give a part of herself to him that no man had ever received, if only he would admit he cared for her, that he could love her. Instead it seemed to make matters much worse; he hated himself for wanting her and hated himself for not being able to let her go. What a mess she had made.

A relative hush descended upon the ton as everyone watched Sara and Lady Fenton exit into the nearest hallway. Was kissing in the garden really that heinous? The churning in her stomach told her it was about much more than kissing in the garden. Her aunt pulled her into a room and shut the door. Lady Fenton paced in front of Sara until she was sure the floor would give way.

When her aunt looked up, Sara could tell she had been crying. “Aunt, are you well?” Sara asked quietly. Her aunt shook her head and looked toward the window overlooking the property; a heavy tension in the air.

“I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake, my dear.” Lady Fenton looked down at her hands. “You must marry Nicholas. The banns have been read and many of the ton already know you are compromised.”

“I know, aunt, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t the match you wanted, but I—” Her aunt held up her hand.

“Let me finish, Sai…Sara,” she corrected.

Sara waited.

“It was widely believed Lord Renwick simply became bored of the life he led, that he didn’t really want to cavort about anymore. People began respecting him for his views. He claimed to be a reformed man, and the entire ton believed him. I merely kept my mouth shut.” Her eyes pooled with more tears. “But things aren’t always what they seem, my dear. Two years ago, Renwick had an affair with a duchess. It was widely reputed that the duke had been unfaithful, so many agreed it was only fair that the duchess also take a lover. She was beautiful; she had hair just like yours, actually.”

Sara lifted her hand to touch her hair, her stomach growing sicker by the minute. Was that why he found her so attractive? Because she resembled a lost love?

“She and Renwick had a long affair. Her marriage was arranged; therefore, she was quite young. The duke was old and set in his ways. He heard rumors of his wife’s scandal but did nothing to stop it. Later, it was publicized that the duke died by falling on his own sword because the grief of his wife's infidelity had done him in. Unable to produce an heir, everything went to the wife. She wanted to marry Renwick, but he was never one for marriage. The story went on she was too emotionally attached to Renwick, so he left her and later found religion. She was his last, you see.”

Sara still couldn’t figure out why this was such scandal. Granted, it sounded bad, and Renwick would surely have to explain himself. He was the cause of someone else’s grief, no doubt, but there forgiveness is part of life. “Aunt, I don’t understand. Wasn’t everyone aware of this story before this evening?”

“This story they were aware of. The real story just surfaced this evening, my dear.” Lady Fenton held up a handkerchief to her eye and swallowed. “What I am about to tell you is the truth, from Renwick himself—though I swore I would never speak of it. Somehow, the ton got wind of it, most likely because of the attention paid to both of you of late and your betrothal. My dear, I must ask for your forgiveness first.”

Sara was confused. “Whatever for?”

Lady Fenton smiled weakly. “It was my fault you and Renwick were forced to be betrothed. I used his attraction to you. The moment he laid eyes on you, I knew he wanted you. I manipulated him into jealousy and lust. The duke was never going to offer for you. He was merely following you, so there would be a witness to the scandal between the two of you. It was deceitful, but you must understand. I love my cousin, and you seemed to be the only lady of the ton with heart enough to forgive him. If I had known his scandal would ever reach the ears of the ton, I would have died before letting you become involved. And now it seems you have a choice to make. Marry him and deal with the consequences of his disgrace, or refuse him and ruin yourself.”