The Redemption(67)

“It means when the time is right, we’re gonna be together.”

“The timing isn’t right?” I know it’s a dumb question, but I guess I feel that maybe the timing is right, finally. What am I missing?

“We rushed into it the first time and the second time. This time, I’m not rushing, I’m changing so when we’re together, I can savor and appreciate you.”

“So you won’t appreciate me if we get together now?”

“No. Because I still have to work on sorting my life out first. But I want you to know there’s no one else for me. There never was.”

His sweet words hit me like an arrow straight to the heart. His gentle side is so unexpected from the tough armor he wears for the public on a daily basis. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“I don’t need you to say anything. I just need you to know I may not ever be perfect, but once we’re together, I’ll always be true to you.”

“And in the meantime?” I find myself chanting quietly, hoping he says what I want to hear. Please say you won’t date anyone. Please say you won’t date anyone.

He stops, pulling me to a bench, and sits. I do as well and I notice Bob stops up ahead, giving us a moment of privacy. Dex takes both my hands in his, then brings one to his lips and kisses the inside of my wrist. “I’m not gonna ask you to put your life on hold, Rochelle. I think you’ve done that for too many years already. But I will ask that you keep me in your heart.”

My mouth drops open. “You’re letting me go?”

“No, I’m letting expectations that are impossible for me to live up to go.”

“So while you’re sorting things out, you won’t wait for me?”

“I’d love to make you a million promises, but right now I can’t.”

Disappointment settles in. “That’s why you wouldn’t be with me at the castle?”

He nods, releasing one of my hands. “It would have been so easy to make love to you and then tell you I need space.” Dex presses his hand to my cheek and I find my eyes closing to the touch I missed so much, relishing it. He says, “I remember how it feels to be with you, to be inside you. But my life is a mess and I don’t want to drag you and the boys into it.”

I open my eyes, no tears to cry this time. My sentimental side touched by his thoughtfulness as my rational side agrees with his decision. “It’s like we always knew, we can only be together in Neverland.”

“It’s learning how to make Neverland reality. One day I’ll figure it out. You deserve it, Rochelle. You deserve magic and more.”

“You say that I deserve so much, but so do you, so much more than you know.”

Standing, he offers me a hand up. “Maybe one day I’ll believe you. Until then,” he says, signaling toward Bob who has stepped forward, unsubtly tapping his watch.

After taking a deep breath, I exhale long and slow. “Until then…” As soon as I say it, I start to worry how long ‘Until then’ will be and don’t bother finishing.

Dex and my goodbye at the main gate of Disneyland doesn’t last long enough, but it’s sweet and when I lay my head on his chest, he embraces me with love.

I drive home replaying every part, every word, and every minute of our time together. Dex has grown, but he still has issues to deal with, addictions, and his family. He thinks he’ll be whole, be better, be deserving if everything comes all tied up with a bow and wrapped up in a neat package. Life doesn’t work that way. I know this firsthand.

But who needs tidy or pretty, bows, or happy ever afters? Romance is about the journey, the good, the bad, ugly and pretty, the highs, the lows. I don’t need perfect and I don’t want it. I want to be happy and enjoy this life I’ve been given. I want my kids happy and to be surrounded by love. I want that for Dex too and if that means he needs time to figure his life out, then I’ll give that to him.

Strength and understanding guide my direction over the next week until finally, late one night, I realize how saying goodbye to Dex was like giving a piece of my heart away and hoping it finds its way home again.





The stars seem to sparkle tonight, so unlike most LA nights. Where are the clouds and the smog? I prefer when the weather suits my moods. My mood didn’t seem to faze Mother Nature, which kind of bothered me.

I pull a handful of grass blades, hold it up in the air, and let them fall to the ground. There’s no breeze to carry them, so they land on my stomach as does my youngest when he comes and flops down.

Grunting, I say, “Careful, buddy. You’re getting big.” CJ stands and I lift my legs, then bend at the knees. “Let’s do airplane.”

He moves quickly, always loving when we do this. I brace myself as he adjusts his belly onto my shins. When I lift, he squeals in happiness. “Look at me,” he says.

“Look at you. You look like Superman.”

His arms go wide and his legs straight out, and he says, “Superman needs to go potty.”

“Eeps.” I set him down and he runs inside.

Neil comes running from the swing set and stops next to me. “My turn. My turn.”

“Yep, your turn.” Neil rests on my legs and I lift. His smile is so sweet, so happy that I smile too. His arms automatically go out and his legs straighten.