The Redemption(62)

It’s not until I’m lying in my room in the middle of the night that I finally connect the pieces Dex has given me. Two to be fastened together, interlocked in this puzzle we call life—Dex will never feel good enough as long as others remind him of his faults. And for me, just like at nineteen, it took a bike to remind me to appreciate the life I have.

I reach over and turn my phone off, the call I wanted never came, but an epiphany or two did. I fall asleep and dream of the beach and a crooked smile that is perfect to me.





It wasn’t the merry-go-round of emotions that usually woke me up, my own inner turmoil disturbing any peace I found in sleep. Nope. It wasn’t even an alarm jolting me awake. Two little wiggly monkeys giggle at my side, under the covers, and I roll over, waking up with a smile. “Good morning, guys.”

I’m greeted with more laughs, giggles that tell me they think they’re getting away with something. I throw the comforter over my head and trap us all underneath. Wide eyes and big smiles warm my heart. “Who’s up for an adventure today?”

“Me,” both Neil and CJ repeat several times, vying for my attention.

I flip the covers back down and say, “So what are we waiting for? Let’s go.”

They take off toward their bedrooms and I go to my closet, pulling on comfy jeans and a T-shirt. After brushing our teeth all lined up in a row in my bathroom, we slip on our shoes and head to the SUV. As soon as we’re all inside and buckled, I ask, “Who wants to go to the zoo?” They both start jumping up and down in their seat with excitement. I add, “But first, we’re gonna get some doughnuts.”





Sitting on a bench watching my monkeys watch the zoo’s monkeys makes me smile. They’ve been to the zoo many times over the years but today feels special—a new sense of freedom is felt that I didn’t carry even as recently as yesterday.

It makes me want to call Dex and thank him, but like he said, he’s not ready. He needs to find the good in himself, a good that I see so clearly now.

Ultimately, Firenza never mattered. I built her up to be something bigger in my head, someone better than me. She’s not. She’s just struggling to find the good within herself, just like Dex. She thinks hooking up with celebrities and chasing rich men will make her happy. But I kind of live by the old adage—a woman who marries for money earns every cent. Her happiness won’t be found in someone else’s wallet.

She is a consequence to mine and Dex’s actions. We’re at fault equally. But despite this new outlook on life, the bottom line is that Dex didn’t have sex with her because deep down, he loves me. He didn’t say it, but I feel it. I smile, knowing one day Dex and I will both heal and be whole again. And maybe, just maybe, if the stars align, we’ll be together. I walk over and join the kids, being silly, and enjoy the great life I’ve been given.





Dear Cory,

The beginning of October came and just like every year in LA, the weather changes to slightly milder from its usual state. Waking up early to get the kids to school never gets easier, but it does free up more of my day for work. Add CJ playing soccer and Neil taking private drumming lessons and my week is full.

Btw – Neil kicks ass on drums. At his age, I can confirm that he’s living up to the Neil Peart moniker. You’d be proud.

Despite the crazy, I love the days when I get to play mom and spend time with them, but I’d miss the connection with the band.

I laugh lightly as I write: Who knew I’d end up in the business world after fighting against it for so long. But you know what? I’m good at my job. Damn good, and that makes me feel great. As silly as it sounds, my family is proud that by all appearances, I’m a respectable member of society these days instead of a ‘groupie with tattoos’ like they once called me.

The tour ended over the summer and the band has been writing music again. Johnny told me last week they have five solid songs for the new album, but refused to share until they’re “ready.” The offers have been pouring in and now the band seems to be doing a lot of appearances. I remember you preferred to stay home. I still do too. Scheduling has fallen on my shoulders to keep them organized. It’s a lot of work, but I love the extra responsibility.

We really didn’t think they could get much bigger, but the fans proved otherwise. The Resistance earned two gold records and three awards for Band of the Year, Album of the Year, and Sexiest Band of the Year. Yeah, I’ve had to temper their egos for that last one by reminding them of their awkward teenage years from when I knew them when… You would find it really funny. Anyway, I guess that’s it for now.





XO


I tuck my journal back into my nightstand drawer and lay there, staring up at the ceiling. The quiet leaves too much space to fill and my mind drifts to Dex. I call Holli, hoping for a respite from the wondering.

She answers, always happy to hear from me, “Hey there.”

“Hey, it’s not too late is it?”

“Nope. Just having a glass of wine outside. It’s beautiful out tonight.”

“Where’s Johnny?”

“He went back into the studio after dinner. Did you want to talk to him?”

“No, I called for you.”

She says, “It’s good to hear from you. How have you been?”