The Redemption(63)

“I need to talk to someone…”

“Alright. You sound serious. Everything okay?”

I release an unsteady breath, then say, “I miss Dex.”

There’s a long pause. I’m sure she’s taking in the information. “Why do you miss Dex?”

“I need to tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone else. Okay?”

“Okay,” she answers hesitantly. “You can trust me. You know that.”

“I know. That’s why I’m calling. Look it’s no secret that Dex and I were getting close… I’m sure Johnny told you.”

“Johnny didn’t tell me, but I heard some roadies talking about it.”

“Oh great. Now we’re fodder for roadies.” I roll my eyes.

“It was all good gossip if there is such a thing as good gossip. As for Johnny, I’ve wondered why he didn’t tell me. I’m thinking he hasn’t come to terms with the idea. You know how protective he is of you—”

“And how he used to feel about Dex.”

“I think he’s made peace with him ever since he completed the last visit to rehab. When it comes to you and Dex being together, that may take more time.”

“Here’s the thing I don’t understand,” I start, snuggling under my covers after rolling away from the lamp on the nightstand. “We’ve struggled, Holli. This doesn’t come easy for me and he’s just as lost as me. Put us together and sometimes we’re like peanut butter and chocolate and other times we’re like oil and water.”

“Did you just compare your relationship with Dex to food?”

“Don’t judge. I’m hungry and I want all the bad things to inhale right now because I feel this crazy sadness, a sadness that’s different from the one I had for Cory.”

“I know the sadness, Rochelle. I know it well because I feel it too. Every time Dalton tours or has to make an appearance out of LA, I feel it.” Her voice gets all girly-mushy on me when she says, “Awwww, you miss Dex.”

Naturally, I respond like the girl I am and pout. “I do. I miss him. I don’t know what happened, but he pulled away when I thought we were moving forward. We were going slow, but making progress.”

Holli sighs softly, then says, “I’m sorry. I wish I knew what was going on with him. I only see him occasionally when the guys practice and record here.”

“Can you talk to him about it?”

I think about what I would say to him if I could talk openly. “Maybe. But when I’ve seen him lately, it’s with the boys. He still spends time with them here and there, but never stays to spend time with me.”

“Are you worried about him relapsing? Hiding something from you?”

“Not really. I’m more worried about the fact that I can’t stop thinking about a man who seems to have stopped thinking about me.” I laugh at the end though I’m not really amused, just trying to cover my awkward real emotions.

“When our hearts are involved, we’re always at risk. But there’s no fun in safe.”

“Nope, there’s no fun in safe.” I look at the ring of flowers wrapped around my wrist and remember how free I felt from the ties of my past. These flowers represented the life I chose, not the one my family had chosen for me. “Yeah, if I’d played it safe, I’d be married to a banker or insurance broker in Boston, attending luncheons in Chanel suits.”

She laughs. “I love a good Chanel suit, but not on you. You’re way too vibrant for something like that.” She pauses, then says, “How long has it been since you spent time together, just the two of you?”

“When he told me he was going to show me how much he cares.”

Holli’s smile is heard through the phone. “Well, time will only tell, but I have a good feeling about you two.”

“I appreciate you listening. Oh, and while I have you on the phone. Lunch soon?”

“Definitely. I’m in town next week, but leave for a week after that for a shoot in New York.”

“Awesome. We’ll catch up next week.”

She says, “Anytime, my friend. Bye.”

“Night.”

Laying there, I acknowledge my feelings instead of hiding from them. I miss Dex. I miss snuggling with him and taking drives up the coast to watch sunsets. I liked him in my life and I think my heart just got used to him being around. It leaves me thinking about the promise he made to me on the beach in Miami, wondering if it was fleeting in the moment, just like the sunset that night.

I bury my face into the pillow, refusing to sit here and wallow. After a minute, I roll over and turn out the lamp and go to sleep.





Three months after our ride up the coast and two days after my call to Holli, I receive a letter. The return address lists Caggiano as the sender. I flip it over in my hands a few times before sitting down on the couch and dumping the rest of the mail on the coffee table. The letter remains next to me for a good five minutes before I brace myself for the worst and open it.



Dear Rochelle,

I thought the days without you would get easier than being tortured with your untouchable beauty. Each passing day offers a new form of cruelty and I have to stop my reflex of reaching for the phone and calling you, driving to your house, or writing you a letter.