The Redemption(68)

Straightening my legs even more, I say, “Great Superman, Neil.”

“My turn next.” I turn to see Dex standing there.

My legs wobble when I hear his voice, but I steady them along with my heart. Glancing over at him, I smile, not able to hide my happiness.

“Dex!” Neil says, “Look at me.”

“I’m looking, bud. Good job. How’s the drumming?”

Neil shrugs, throwing himself off-balance, so I lower my legs quickly so he lands on his feet safely. With a smile meant just for me, Dex eyes me. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I reply. It’s not hot out, but I feel hotter all of the sudden.

“Beth let me in. Hope it’s okay.” He licks his lips and it’s hard to take my eyes off of his mouth, making me gulp.

Neil stands there, glancing between us.

Lifting up on my elbows, I say, “I’m free.”

Dex questions, “Free?”

“You said it was your turn next.” I signal to my legs.

Neil laughs. “Mom is strong, Dex. She never drops us.”

“That’s good to hear. I think I’d rather be base though.” He comes and lies next to me in the grass. “Airplane?” he offers with a wry grin and slips his shoes off.

I nod as I get up. Positioning myself with his feet against my stomach, I reach down and our fingers entwine as our hands come together. The heat between us sparks fading embers back to life. He lifts up, surprising me, and we both laugh.

“Do Superman, Mom,” CJ says, running outside, delighted by the sight.

“I’m Wonder Woman.” I release Dex’s hands and put my arms out and straighten my legs behind me. The boys start chasing each other, running around us in circles.

Beth calls the boys inside for homework. She gives me a knowing wink. “I’ll just stay a little longer so you guys can talk.”

“Thanks,” I reply before turning back to him.

Dex stares into my eyes and says, “I never thanked you.”

“Thanked me for what?” I ask, reaching down until our hands are connected once again.

“What you did for me that day. Coming to Barstow with Tommy and then… rehab.”

Remembering what Johnny said to me years earlier, I say, “You don’t have to thank me. The Resistance is a family. We take care of one another.”

He nods a little before lowering me back to the ground. When he sits up, I sit down across from him. Lowering his gaze to the ground, he pauses. Just from his body language I brace myself. When his eyes meet mine again, I see the remorse in his entire expression. “I wanted to die.”

Much like I was doing before he showed up, I grab a handful of grass, ripping it from its roots. This time from anxiety over the topic. “Why?”

“I couldn’t see the big picture.”

“You were blinded by the details.”

“I was cursed by the memories.”

I glance down needing a second, then say, “Memories of me?”

His fingers run over my knee, then his hand stills. “I hadn’t done drugs since Cory’s death, but I did them that night. I took everything I could find and then called friends who gave me more.”

“They’re not friends if they gave you drugs, Dex. They’re enemies.”

“Drugs are good about keeping your perspective skewed away from reality. Let’s just say my perspective was skewed.”

I don’t mean to snap at him, but it slips out. “Where’d you meet those girls?”

He clears his throat. “I don’t know.” His tone then changes, lowers, just like his hand does as he replies, “I don’t know how I got to Barstow either. I just remember that ride to rehab.”

“That was a hard ride to take.”

“God, that day sucked. But yeah, I never thanked you. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t been there for me.”

“Tommy was there too.”

“Tommy…” He shifts his weight and stands up. “…He’s been a good friend to me.” When he looks down, I see the words he’s going to say in his expression. The embarrassment he feels coloring his words. “I was ashamed you saw me like that. But you should know that you were the only reason I walked out of that motel room.”

“Dex,” I say, feeling the pressure on my chest, making it harder to swallow. I take his hand and lead him to the tire swing.

“I wouldn’t have left for Tommy. I know it. But then you were there… I hated myself for letting you see me like that. I hated myself in general. But I only got up because I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t put you through anymore pain with the pain you had already been through.”

We sit opposite from each other and I cover his hand with mine on the chain. “You always say you’re not a good guy, but a bad guy wouldn’t have thought twice about my feelings in a time like that.”

He doesn’t blush but I see that the compliment embarrasses him in a good way. “Do you remember that night at my party?” he asks

“I could never forget.”

He rubs his chin. “I shouldn’t admit this, but I watched you down by the pool.”

“How long were you up there?”

“Most of the party.”