The Redemption(70)

“Actually, you’re the only one he has on his guest list, so it’s not a problem at all. He also left a key for you. Let me get it.”

Trying to remain calm, like that’s not a huge surprise is hard, but I manage to act as normal as possible. “Thank you.”

After I get the key, I’m directed to the elevators. Though dread fills my stomach, feeling like an ulcer is forming, I don’t hesitate when I exit onto his floor. I anxiously walk down the hall until I reach his suite. I’d knock, but something tells me he left a key for a reason, so I use it and walk inside.

Dex is lying on the couch, facing the window. The curtains are open with a perfect view of the Hollywood sign outside it. I set my purse and the key down on the table before sitting down in a chair next to him.

He asks, “Do you know what it’s like to have your soul stolen?” His voice is rough, like he’s been partying and smoking all night. I have a feeling he hasn’t been out, but doing that holed up inside this room.

Keeping my gaze out the window like him, I reply, “Yes, I do.” I know all too well.

Our eyes meet and he says, “Sometimes I say the stupidest shit. Ignore me.”

“I don’t want to ignore you. I want to hear everything you have to say.”

“That could take days.”

“I have a few to give if you want them.”

He smiles. It’s lazy and utterly charming. “I’d take them all if I could.”

“How long have you been staying here?”

“A week. Maybe more. I’ve lost count.”

“Why aren’t you at home?”

He chuckles to himself. “That’s a tricky question.”

“I didn’t mean it to be. Why’s it so complicated?”

“It’s strange when you’re touring. You start getting used to living in hotels. At the same time, you can’t wait to get home. But then you get home and it doesn’t always feel like it once did. So I checked in here.”

“To fill the space between?”

“To transition back.”

I nod, going to my purse. I pull the envelope out and ask, “Do you want to talk to me about the letter?”

“Sure. Shoot.”

I move to the couch, lifting his legs, sitting down, and then returning them to lie across my lap. Looking at him, he appears worn down. That makes all the wrong questions surface, but I feel I need to ask anyway. “Have you been doing drugs?”

Staring out the window again, he says, “No.”

“Have you slept with any women?”

His eyes flash back to mine. “No, I’ve not had sex with anyone or slept with anyone.”

“When’s the last time you talked to your family, Dex?”

“A week. Maybe more.”

“So they’re the reason you’re here?”

“No, I told you why I’m here.”

“Then why the correlation in timing?” I ask, rubbing the top of his leg over his jeans.

“Everything I’m going through, you’ve been through with Cory. It’s f*cked up.”

“Your feelings are your own. They’re unique. I’ve been through more than I thought I could handle, but I’m here and I’m living my life the best I can. It doesn’t mean that my heart doesn’t ache when yours does or that I don’t feel lonely or miss you. I do, all of the above.”

“Cory was your soulmate.”

“I used to be so sure,” I say, pausing to gulp. “I’m not as positive these days.”

“Don’t discount his importance for me. I know I’ll always be second best. It’s a position my family trained me for. I think I’ll be okay playing that role in your life.”

“First of all, I would never discount Cory for anyone. Secondly, I’m starting to think that maybe…” I sigh, not sure if saying the words will make them real.

“Maybe some people are like stars in the sky. They burn so much brighter than everyone else that they—”

“Burn out sooner.” I stop, resting my head on the back of the couch. Turning so I can see the blue sky outside, I add, “He’ll always be better than the rest of us. It sucks he left us behind to fumble through the world making mistakes—”

“And bad decisions.”

“Not knowing how to move on.”

“Or if you even should.”

Looking at him, I ask, “Have you ever thought about death?”

“All the time.”

“But you go on. You always go on. That’s the gift of a new day.”

“It’s not the day I live for.”

“What do you live for?” I hold my breath waiting for the answer.

“You, Rochelle.”

Arrow right to my heart. He wins with his swoony lines and broken rock star image. He’s not too far gone though. I have faith in him to pull himself out of this cycle he’s found himself in.

He lifts his legs and I stand up. Scooting over, he makes room and I slide onto the leather next to him. As I rest my cheek against his chest, I close my eyes. His arm comes over, holding me tight. His scent draws me in, making my insides twist in such an amorous way as well as calming my other senses, feeling much like home to me. I want to argue with my own logic, but he needs to know the harsh reality. Whispering, I say, “You can’t live only for me, Dex.”