The Letters (Carnage #4)(32)

“Wow,” Jimmie states as she finishes.

“Fuck!” Is all Ash has to offer.

We all look at each other, shaking our heads.

“It’s like, I dunno. It’s almost like he had a premonition, but at the same time, he seemed convinced he wasn’t going anywhere,” Jimmie says.

“Yeah, but this is Sean. He’d do anything to protect and not worry me. If he had a feeling that something was gonna happen, he’d never have let me know.”

“How’d you feel, George, after reading that, how’d ya feel?”

I move from where I was leaning against my desk and sit back down next to the girls.

“I really don’t know, Jim. I had that crate shipped to Australia, but the time wasn’t right, so I just packed it all up and shipped it back without reading them, well except one I think.”

We’re all quiet for a few long moments. Jimmie and Ash obviously trying to digest Sean’s words the same way I had …was still trying to in fact.

“George, if I ask you something, will you be totally honest with me.”

My mouth fills with saliva, the way it does if I’m about to vomit, as I nod my head at Jim’s question.

“Of course, go for it.”

Jim stands and takes up the spot I was in earlier and leans her arse against my desk.

Ashley puts her head back in my lap and takes a hold of the hand not containing my wine glass.

“Did anything ever go on between you and Cam, once you were back with Mac?”

Despite having to swallow hard to get rid of the excess fluid in my mouth, it now feels incredibly dry. I take a long draw from my glass, look down at Ash, and then across to Jim.

I know I can tell these girls anything. They’ve loved and supported me through the worst of times and celebrated with me during the best. And they have never ever judged. This is the only thing I have ever kept secret from them. Admitting to myself what happened between me and Cam is harder than saying it out loud.

I nod my head slowly, and a very lost and lonely, stray tear makes its way down my cheek.

Ash pulls her hand from mine and reaches up and brushes it away.

“Don’t cry, George, it was all a very long time ago. You don’t have to tell us if you don’t wanna.”

I let out a loud sob. Despite the release, my jaw trembles when I try to speak.

“It was the night I kicked the shit out of Haley White.”

Jimmies eyebrows raise up towards her hairline. Her eyes dart around the room, and I can almost hear her brain tick as she recalls that night.

“What? When? We all stayed at the loft that night, you came home with us.”

“His office,” Ash says from my lap.

“We left, he asked you to stay. You f*cked him in his office.”

I nod my head slowly. “That’s exactly what happened.”

“Fucking hell, George.” Jimmie says before finishing the contents of her wine glass.

“It was just that one time. We never did it again, not even in Australia when we spent the night in the hotel room.”

I was suddenly too hot and felt shaky.

“Fuck, I thought you and Maca had an epic love story, but you and Cam, that’s just … I don’t even know what to say, George. You’re like, magnets or something. Parts of a puzzle that just have to be together,” Ashley whispers quietly.

“And Maca’s letter just makes it all even more … I dunno. What’s the right word? Surreal?” Jimmie asks.

I press my fingertips into my forehead and squeeze my eyes shut for a few seconds.

“I’ve no clue. I’m at a loss for words really.”

“Me too,” says Ash, still whispering for some reason.

I pull my head back, draw in my eyebrows, and say at the exact same time as Jim, “Bullshit.”

We all laugh and it breaks the tension a little bit.

“Please don’t ever tell Marley,” I tell Ash, now being totally serious. She shakes her head.

“Hoes Code, babe. I won’t breathe a word.”

I lean forward and kiss her forehead.

“So, after all these revelations, did you find anything that Marley might be able to use?” Jimmie asks. “What are these?” She picks up the pile that I’d mentally labelled “miscellaneous”.

“I don’t know. I set all of the song lyrics and poems over there for Marls to go through, but that was just a pile of stuff that …” I shrug my shoulders, “I don’t know what they are, so I just set them aside.”

Jimmie has a white envelope in her hand. Whatever’s inside is quite bulky as the envelope looks like it’s full.

“Can I?” Jim asks.

“Go for it.”

She sets to opening the envelope carefully.

“Over the desk or against the wall?” Ash asks quietly.

“Why the f*ck d’ya keep whispering? There’s no one else here.”

She turns her head to look at Jim, who’s now reading intently.

“I know but it’s just so…” She wriggles her little body. “Sexy and sordid.”

“Cheers,” I tell her. “And FYI, it was neither. Not, I don’t mean it wasn’t sexy and sordid, because it was both of those things. What I mean is, I tried to leave, he slammed the door shut, spun me around, and f*cked me against the door.”