The Letters (Carnage #4)(36)

He’s right, he did.

But then I remember something.

“You told me he came to see you when we first got together.”

Cam shrugs. “It was a little white lie. I didn’t wanna cause trouble.”

“Don’t blame him,” Marley interrupts. “I went to see him again when you came back from Australia and asked him not to mention what I’d done.”

Marley tilts his head to the side and holds out his hands, palms up. “I lost ya once, George. I didn’t want us falling out. I’d lost one of my best mates, I didn’t wanna lose another.”

I don’t know whether to bitch slap or kiss him.

“Now, you got a f*cking beer or what?”

I slap him.

We spend the rest of the afternoon enjoying the company of family. My brothers, their wives, some of their kids, our kids, and my parents. We eat, we drink, and we laugh. We sit around the outdoor dining table on our back patio telling stories and we reminisce. Sean’s name is remembered with affection, and I neither cry nor feel guilty.

With the help of my two best friends, I’ve finally accepted the path that my life has taken. Having regrets is pointless. Feeling guilty changes nothing. I need to accept that what I had with Sean, was most definitely true love but it was far from perfect. The time has finally come to love my husband the way he deserves. I don’t have to divide my heart into sections. It’s his, all of it. He might share it with our children, Sean, and my lost babies, but he has it all.

I reach across and run my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. I love it when he grows it longer and down past his collar.

John Legend’s “All of Me” begins to play, and I smile at the relevance of my playlist again. I wonder if I actually subconsciously choose to download the songs I do?

“What are you smiling about?” Cam asks quietly from beside me. Every one seems to be engaged in their own conversations, except my parents. They are both snoring quietly, and my dad’s hand is covering my mum’s on the arm of her chair.

“You, Tiger. I’m smiling at you.”

“And why is that, Kitten?”

“Because I love you so f*cking much, that’s why. I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life right now, and it’s all thanks to you and everything you’ve given me.”

His warm brown eyes dart over my face, giving me tingles in my belly. “Are you drunk, Kitten?”

I giggle. “Maybe a little, but that doesn’t mean I don’t mean every word I just said.”

He nods his head slowly while rubbing his index finger back and forth over his top lip.

“So, you loving me enough for anal later?”

“Cam!” I say a little louder than I intend. “Seriously. Do you never give up?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “No.”

I laugh at his honesty.

“A blow job then? Gwaaaan, you know you wanna.” He winks. I melt.

“I think I can stretch to a blowie.”

“Now. Go inside right now, Kitten. Go up to our bathroom and wait for me on your knees.”

My mouth goes dry as my palms begin to sweat. I won’t even mention what happens in my knickers.

I stand from the table, about to make up an excuse about collecting up the empties when the alarm sounds to let us know the security gates at the front of the drive are opening.

“That’ll be Paige. She just text me for the gate code.”

Paige hadn’t made it over last night. Her new boyfriend flew in from America to surprise her, and she’s bringing him over today to meet us all.

“Unlucky Tiger, the BJ will have to wait.”

Cam pouts and drops his big soft bottom lip. I lean forward catch it between my teeth before kissing his mouth. I’m still holding the empty bottle of wine I’d cleared from the table a moment ago.

“Did we have odds on this one?” Marley asks.

“Yeah, I said a week at four to one, you said two days at three to one, and Cam said an hour at ten to one. Dad was being generous and gave him a month at a one hundred to one and Bailey plans on terrifying the poor bloke and gave him twenty-four hours at eleven to two.”

“You lot are horrible,” I tell them.

Every time one of the girls brings home a new boyfriend, my brothers, Cam, and my dad run a book on how quickly they can scare them off. It’s funny, but mean.

“Just be nice for a little while, please?” Jimmie asks. “He lost his dad or step dad a few years back and now he’s flown over here because his mum’s really sick.”

“I thought you said he was American?” Len questions.

“His dad’s American, his mum’s English. He’s lived most of his life in the States. He’s in a band I think she said, or his dad was. I can’t remember, but any way, just be nice.”

Marley and Bailey both clap then rub their palms together and make a mwaaaahaha sound.

“Bring it on,” Marls says quietly and then makes an umph noise as Ash elbows him in the ribs.

Paige walks out onto the patio looking stunning. Her hair’s piled on top of her head, she has minimum makeup on, and is wearing a pair of denim cut-offs with a gorgeous off the shoulder cheese cloth blouse in a pretty baby blue colour. The wedges on her feet matching her top perfectly. She looks every inch the catwalk model she is.