The Letters (Carnage #4)(28)

Three more. I’m going to read three more and then I’m gonna go shower and get ready for Jimmie and Ashley’s arrival.



It's 2.48 a.m., G, and I just woke from the most beautiful dream. You were here, tucked in tight against me.

We never really had much opportunity to spend whole nights together, but when we did, it's the way we always slept. Your back pressed to my front, your head resting on the pillow, my arm tucked underneath it.

I would run my fingertips from the top of those long legs of yours, over the curve of your hip and the dip of your waist. I'd watch, fascinated as goose bumps spread across your body.

It's what I was doing when I woke from my dream, hard.

Do you ever think about us like that, G? I don't mean the sex, the closeness we shared, the intimacy? I miss it, G. I miss you. So f*cking much. It's been over 3 years now since we shared a bed, since you gave yourself to me so willingly. Remember the way you used to shake, G? Whenever we used to make love, you would shake with nerves and then shake with pleasure. There'll never be anyone like you, beautiful girl. Wherever this life may take us, there will only ever be you for me. I have to keep believing that we are meant to be and one day, when the time is right and we are least expecting it, it'll happen. You'll fall back into my arms, and I'll never let you go. Until then, G, I'll hold onto dreams like tonight’s, when I could smell your hair and hear your sighs and just pretend that you are mine.

It will only ever be you!

Sean and Georgia. Georgia and Sean. The way it's meant to be.



I’m done for tonight. I can’t put myself through anymore of this. The girls will be here in an hour or so and I don’t want them to find me a blubbering mess.

“I love you, Sean, my beautiful boy, but your words, your words just hurt my heart so bad. So I’m gonna put them away for a while. Jimmie and Ash will be here soon, and I plan on having a few wines, a takeaway, and some girl time.”

Sam Smith’s “Stay with Me” is playing, and I let out a long breath.

“Ok, just in case. Just in case there is the slightest chance that you’re messing with my playlist, I’m gonna read one more and then I’m gonna go shower.”



Today was both a good and a bad for me, Georgia. Today, we met our son. We listened to his heart beating loud and strong, and although they told us it’s too early to tell, I know with 100% certainty, there’s a Beau in your belly not a Lilly.

I am so happy, G, in a way that I can’t even put into words, and words are usually my thing, ya know? They’re sort of what I do, but I can’t come up with anything that can adequately express to you the absolute love, joy, and pride I feel when I think of you carrying our son, all tucked up safe and warm in that little belly of yours.

You are, without a doubt, the most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever laid eyes on. Actually, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on full stop. You were pretty when you were a little girl, (I say that in a non-pervy way of course) now, though, you’re simply stunning.

You take my breath away. You really do.

Leaving the hospital with your hand in mine, I felt like I was king of the world.

And then we went to lunch.

And things went to shit.

It was his f*cking house, G!

Why the f*ck would you NOT tell me something like that?

Why?

I know you’ve given me your explanation, but I’ve gotta tell ya, I think you’re lying. I don’t know why, but something in my gut just tells me I’m not getting the whole story here.

And you know what else I think, G?

Cameron King is bang in f*cking love with you.

I knew it the night he turned up at the club when we first got back together, but you had eyes for only me, and to be honest G, I just felt a little bit sorry for the bloke. I knew only too well what it felt like to lose you, so I knew what he was about to go through.

After a while, I forgot that the man even existed. In all the years we’ve been back together, I’ve never doubted your love for me, not until last year when you lost the baby.

I thought I’d lost ya, G. I really thought we were done. You pushed me away time and time again until it got to the point where I almost stopped pushing back.

Almost.

And it was the thought of that poor f*ck that made me not give up.

You remember that night you went out with the girls and ran into Haley White and you gave her a smack in that club Cameron King owns?

I saw one of the pictures from that night, G. It was a photo of you and of him. He was saying something into your ear and you were laughing, but it wasn’t that that bothered me. It wasn’t you or what you were doing. That wasn’t what caught my attention. It was the way he was looking at you as you laughed.

It’s the way I look at you.

I knew then that I had two choices.

I could continue to let you keep pushing me away until it got to the stage that I stopped pushing back. Until I just walked away and left you in your misery, loneliness, and depression.

Or I could fight for you and for us, for everything we had ever been through.

And you know what made me fight, G? I knew that as soon as I stepped aside, he would be there. He would be there to pick you up and put you back together, and I would be the broken-hearted one standing in the shadows and staring from the sidelines, just waiting for him to f*ck up so I could be the one to step in and reclaim.