Saviour (Saviour #1)(36)
I stop in my tracks and turn to look at him... What the f*ck?
“What. Are. You. Talking. About?” Exaggerating every word as I speak.
“I’m talking about you, running back to your husband, what was it Lauren, what changed your mind, what did I do, what didn't I do?”
“What the f*ck are you talking about Gabe? I'm not going back to Jay, why would you think that, why on earth would I go back to him? I don't care if you don't want me, I am still not going back to him. I was going to call Jo and ask her to come and get me. I would rather leave now, than in the morning if you don't want me here”
I hold it together until the very last few words, which come out between sobs. He finally looks at me. “What makes you think I don't want you here?”
He has a frown on his face, I am so confused and so very tired.
“Because you left me, you f*cked me in the spa, you f*cked me in the shower and then you got up and you walked away from me”
“You said, you said that you cried because of what I had done to you and that you regretted it and that you were thinking of Jason”
“No. No I never. I cried because I loved what you were doing to me, I'm overwhelmed by my feelings for you, of the beautiful things we were doing to each other. I cried because you are such a kind, gentle, man. You've looked after me so well this week, you've put up with all my shit and asked for nothing in return, I cried because what we did tonight, was, was so amazing, I cried because when I looked down into your face, you looked exactly like your name as it is in my phone, I cried, because you have looked after me, when all my husband wants to do is hurt me, I was trying to tell you that I regret not leaving him sooner but you walked away before I could finish”
He gets up and walks over to where I'm standing and puts his arms around me and kissing the top of my head, whispers, “you look so f*cking sexy right now, all clean and glowing and freshly f*cked. And you know what the best part is, it’s me that’s given you that glow, that freshly f*cked glow is because of what we have spent this evening doing. This is how you should look all the time, not bruised and scared” He tucks my hair behind my ear and continues
“I’m shit house at relationships Lauren, I have warned you and I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions, I heard things differently, I heard what I expected you to say, forgive me, please, my heads is as all over the place, like yours probably is right now I think. This is all new to me, I’ve been f*cked over by women in the past and I’ve been used by them. Just like you, I need to learn to trust again and not always think the worse but I will, for a while yet, please be patient with me, I will f*ck up again, it’s what I do, forgive me, please” He shrugs his shoulders as he speaks, like it’s a given that he will f*ck up again and I hate that he feels so sure about this, it’s something I wasn’t expecting from him, insecurity!
As the adrenalin pumping through me slows, I'm overwhelmed by tiredness, I stand on tip toes and kiss him, feeling relief at his words.
“Gabe, don't say that, of course I forgive you, there's nothing to forgive. You keep telling me to talk, ordering me in fact to tell you how I feel but you need to do the same with me, don't jump to conclusions, ask me, talk to me, please, we both need to learn to trust again and we can’t do that if we can’t talk about how we feel”
I yawn, I can barely keep my eyes open, it’s been a long emotional night, day, and weekend!
“I’m going to bed Gabe, I'm so tired”
“Go. I’ll lock up, you warm the bed”
He smacks me on my bum and I do as I'm told and go off to ‘Our bed’
CHAPTER EIGHT
I wake feeling too hot, I'm facing the bifold doors, they are open and there's a light breeze making the voile curtain blow into the room, the light is streaming in and I lay for a while watching the dust motes being blown in the breeze, highlighted by the sun. They look like tiny dancers, in the spotlight, on a stage, their big moment. What was my big moment in life I wonder, have I had it or is it still to come? Becoming a mother has been at the top of my list for the past twenty five years, as a woman, is there any greater achievement? A successful career? Maybe. But is this greater than growing another human being inside you, then raising that human to be a happy, well-adjusted person? I can imagine feminists and career go getting women across the world, screaming abuse at me. I let out a long sigh. Gabriel shifts. He is the reason I'm feeling so warm, I'm lying on my right side and he is pressed right in behind me, spooning! He has his arm up my T shirt and is cupping my boob in his palm; his leg is in between mine. I actually don't remember him getting into bed last night, I must have gone off to sleep instantly, I don't recall stirring, or waking at all during the night, I feel refreshed and ready to face the day. I need to pee, badly but am I going to be able to slide out of bed without waking Gabe, do I want to get out of bed yet and leave this beautiful man alone? I close my eyes, intending to try getting back to sleep, when I feel his kisses in my hair and on my head. He starts to massage my boob and squeeze my nipple. I lay still but have a huge smile on my face. His hand moves down over my belly and I breathe in to make my stomach flatter, if he noticed, he didn't let on, he just keeps going and cups his hand between my legs. He takes in a deep breath and rubs his nose into my hair. The hair on my head I mean.