Saviour (Saviour #1)(35)
We get our rhythm in time, I have one hand in his hair, the other reaching up and into my own hair, my shoulders are against the wall, my back arched, hips pushed out, my legs are open, one foot up on Gabe’s shoulder, my knee slightly bent. We must look like something from a porno. Me the cheating housewife. Him, the plumber? Something else to store away for later, role play!
As he pushes his fingers into me, he circles my clit with his thumb, I move my hips up and down, backwards, forwards and he strokes himself faster and faster. Almost in unison, the only sounds are our moans but which of us is making which "Ahhh" sound is lost on me. The fact that he doesn't take his eyes off me makes everything more intense, he watches his fingers work on me, every so often moving his thumb away, instead grazing his teeth and flicking his tongue over me. It's all so intense, I actually feel myself involuntarily convulse, and he must know I'm close.
“Come baby, f*ck my fingers and come for me”
That's it, his words are my undoing, he has to hold me up as I no longer have control, my legs are limp, my hips gyrating of their own free will.
“Gabe…”
“I’ve got ya baby, I’ve got ya”
My hand grips his hair hard, causing his head to tilt back, his eyes on mine, I open my mouth and cry out loud as I come around his fingers, his hand leaves my hip and he gives himself a few final strokes and I watch him spurt his own juices all over his hand.
This was different to what we did earlier. This was naughty sex, well naughty by my standards anyway but just as intense.
For a few seconds or minutes, I'm not sure, there are only the sounds of our breathing, the water running, and of Avicii singing about having a good feeling. What is this the “Music To Fuck Lauren To” mix? My legs are so shaky that I bend them and slide my back down the wall. I feel, boneless. I pull my knees up in front of me. Gabriel is still kneeling in front of me; he opens my legs at my knees, turns around, and sits back against me. I drape my arms over his shoulders and cross them over his chest, stroking each of his nipples with my thumbs.
“Is this ok, I'm not hurting you anywhere am I?”
“Gabe, the second I feel pain, of any kind, caused by you or not, I will let you know”
“Sorry but If you could see yourself Lauren, all f*cking bruised, I feel guilty, like I'm forcing myself on you”
I don't know what to say in reply and before I can think of an answer, he asks
“Why were you crying?”
Shit, he noticed. “Honestly?”
“Yes honestly Lauren, total honesty, always”
“You, I was thinking about you. What you were doing to me, what I was doing with you, about Jason and how much I regret...” Before I can finish, he gets up and turns off the shower.
“We're going wrinkly, come on, let me help you up”
He helps me stand, then wraps a towel around me and one around himself and walks off into the bedroom, leaving me standing there, alone and totally confused. What the f*ck just happened? What did I say? I dry myself off and wrap my hair in a towel. I can hear draws opening and closing and he appears in front of me with a clean T shirt in his hand.
“Here” He passes it to me, without looking me in the eye.
“Thanks” I say quietly. Fuck, what did I do? Or is it just me, am I not for him?
I don't know why I'm feeling shocked, this is what I thought would happen after all. He's had a good look, given me a test run and he's realised that doing the grateful older woman, isn't for him after all. Years of self-doubt and low self-esteem take over my thoughts. All of the tears haven't helped either, who would want to get themselves involved with a menopausal forty five year old woman, especially when you’re a hot, successful, single, sex god, who can have their choice of women, why would he want me?
I sit on the bed and towel dry my hair, gathering my thoughts and trying to control my bottom lip. That was the most amazing sexual experience of my life, the way his eyes didn't leave mine, the words, the things he says, it just makes everything more, just more. That's the word, he makes everything more. But, if it’s not to be, it’s not to be. I will treasure the memories and the sensations forever but I will go back to Jo's for the rest of the week and move into the rental at the weekend as I had planned before I lost grip on reality and stepped into a fantasy. We will be nothing more to each other than a tenant and a landlord, who had sex one night. Mind blowing, convulsion causing, spa and shower sex but that is all. End of!
Who the f*ck am I kidding?
I pull the T shirt over my head, clean my teeth, run a comb through my damp hair and rub in some face cream. My face is flushed and my eyes look extra wide and very blue, I actually look quite good. My phone is out in the family room and I need to call Jo and ask her to come pick me up. I tip my head upside down; shake out my hair and throw my head back, going for the wild and sexy look, wanting to show him exactly what he's going to be missing out on, not sure if that's what I've achieved but I look okay. I swallow hard, take in a deep breath, and blink back the tears. I won’t let him see me cry, I won’t let him know how much his rejection is hurting me, I will leave with as much of my dignity intact as I can manage. I walk into the family room on the pretence of looking for my phone. Gabe’s sitting back on the sofa drinking a beer, his left ankle resting on his right knee, his left arm draped along the back of the sofa, he’s wearing trackies and a hoodie, his hair is still wet and I want to whimper at the deliciousness of him. He looks in my direction as I walk in but his eyes don't meet mine. I’m hurt, everything we just did, what he just made me feel and now this, now he can’t even look at me, am I that bad? I swallow back my tears as I walk past him over to where my phone is; as I leave the room he asks “So that's it, you’re going tonight, can't even wait till morning? Still, reckon Jason won’t care what the time is, as long as he gets his little punch bag back”