Saviour (Saviour #1)(31)
He holds my hand as we step down into the warm water together. It is heaven, Gabe hits a button and the bubbles start, he passes me my glass. God, I need a drink. This is so intense. I have had sex with only three men in my life and two of them were over 27 years ago, what I'm about to do here is massive, life changing, I don't think I was this nervous when I lost my virginity!
We sit facing each other, our heads leaning back on the padded headrests, drinking our wine and despite the intensity of the moment and this giant step I am about to take with my life, I can't help but close my eyes and enjoy a moment of total relaxation. Adele is singing in the background. I love her voice, 21 has been my album of choice these past months and hearing her tonight is like having a friend beside me, giving me confidence, reassuring me that I am doing the right thing. I look up at the stars and stare. The Australian night sky has always fascinated me. I was born and lived in London until I was thirteen and was not impressed with my parents decision to move here, dragging me away from all my friends and a life that I truly loved. I had defied them at every opportunity in the first few months we lived here and would sneak out of the house and lay in the garden and look up at the stars at night, they were my constant, my thing that I still had in common with my friends I had to leave behind, the moon, the stars, they were the same ones my mates were looking at. I would lie there, plotting revenge on my parents for ruining my life and planning on running away back to England as soon as I could get the money together for my air fare but all the while fascinated by the fact you could see the Milky Way with the naked eye. Something that wasn't possible with all the light pollution in London. Seeing my first ever shooting star, only a few nights after getting here was a memory I would treasure forever. I took great comfort from it, imagining it was a sign, telling me everything was going to be alright.
I let out a long sigh, not from stress but from pure contentment. Right at this very moment, I am sure have made the right decision, tomorrow, is another day and I might think differently but right here, right now, wherever things go with Gabe, leaving Jason was the right thing to do, I am now absolutely convinced but I still can’t help being nervous about taking this final step, sleeping with another man, f*cking hell, am I really going to do this? And, there is something else that's been bothering me and as embarrassing as it is I need to discuss it with him.
“You okay, would you like some more wine?” He asks interrupting my thoughts, I look across at him. What a beautiful interruption, his hair is damp and pushed back off his face, he's standing up in the spa, leaning over to pick up the wine bottle out of the cooler, the water starts just at the end of his happy trail and as he leans over, I get a glimpse of his left bum cheek. There's nothing about the way this man looks, that I don't love. Like, I mean like not love, no, not love. I don't know him, so I can't love him. I really like him as a person and he is mighty fine to look at. That is as far as it goes. Oh apart from the fact that I also desperately want to have sex with him. That's all there is, no more. But first I need to have 'The conversation’
He stands in front of me and tops up first my glass, then his own. His skin is glistening and I want so badly to touch him. As he sits back down he catches me watching, just as I lick my top lip. Busted I think to myself.
“Come here” He says very quietly
My stomach churns. Two words, that's all he's said and I'm a mess, do I stand? He will see me naked if I stand and walk towards him, well what's the alternative, crawling across to him on my knees. That would be sexy. Not. What the f*ck is wrong with me, I'm not going into this "relationship" the way I left the last one. If he doesn't like my body, then so be it, I will move out at the weekend with lifelong memories of the hot toy boy I once got to shag in the hot tub, that sounds like a title of a porno and I have to swallow down a giggle, f*ck, I’m nervous, get a grip Lauren, get a f*cking grip. I stand, glass in hand. He watches me take the two steps to him, his eyes moving from my eyes to my body and back again. He takes the glass out of my hand. Being the short arse that I am, the water is high enough that he only really has my boobs to look at. A part of my body I actually don't mind showing off, especially since he told me I have great tits. Actually I have heard that before but it sounds better coming from him, it would sound even better if he said it in Italian. “Magnifico Breastios” or something. My thoughts turn to Cornetto ice cream. Mmmmm ice cream licked off my breastios now that, really could…Brain please just shush, concentrate please! He reaches out for my hands and holds them as he pulls me closer to him, opening his legs as he stays seated, pulling me between them. I kneel on the spa seat between his legs as his hand goes behind my neck and he pulls my face to meet his. He kisses me so, so gently on my mouth, my eyes, my nose, my chin, my throat.
“Gabriel stop, we need to talk”
“What’s wrong?” I feel his hot breath on my ear as he speaks and I shudder but I really need to say this. “We need to have 'The Talk' ... You know contraception, safe sex and all of that”
Shit this is like talking to one of my children. In fact I remember having this conversation with the boys and I am sure I was not in the least embarrassed, unlike now.
“Aren’t you on the pill?”
“No, I have an I U D. A coil, the coil, whatever, I'm not worried about getting pregnant, I think those days are behind me now, I’m more worried about the fact that you have slept with most of the female population of the Southern Hemisphere”