Saving Dancer (Savage Brothers MC #2)(26)

I’ve been sitting in my room for the last hour, alone, listening to the silence and hating every last minute of it. I lied to Carrie and told her I had a headache. She thinks I’m just turning in early. Lying to her is so easy. I guess because I do it daily. She thinks I’m seeing a therapist the hospital set me up with. I’m not. She thinks I’m suffering from side effects of almost drowning, I’m not. The list goes on and on. The biggest lie of all is that I’m just not able to make love with her. That’s what she calls it, making love. I do not do love. I have sex. Sex that is down and dirty, hard and raw, and not made for a virgin.

I was stupid thinking I could do this. I can’t. I am not what Carrie needs. It is time I face the facts, as much as I want Carrie, I will never be the type of man she needs or wants.

Decision made I walk in the living room, intent on going out finding a bottle and maybe *. I haven’t gone this long without * since I got out of hell. This is the best decision for all of us. Carrie needs more than I can give her.

I find her lying on the sofa, sound asleep.

“Jacob?” She questions, her voice full of sleep and sounding so f*cking sweet my teeth hurt.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing?” She asks with a yawn sitting up. I watch as she yawns again and subtly shifts her body in a stretch. My dick instantly stands up and takes notice. Son of a bitch.

“Thinking about heading down to the club for a beer,” I say and it’s the truth absolutely, I’m just not mentioning what else I’ll be looking for when I get there.

This strange looks comes over Carrie’s face. Her green eyes flash at me and her face pales. Apparently I didn’t need to tell her what else I’d be looking for, I’m getting the impression she definitely knows.

“I see,” she says quietly, not looking at me.

I swallow the excuses that want breath. I resent that I’m feeling guilty about going out and getting laid. When did I become a man who answers to a woman I haven’t even had my hands on in a week?

“Where are you going?” I ask when she walks from the room.

She doesn’t answer. I follow her into her bedroom. I watch as she goes to the closet and pulls out a duffle bag. Placing it on the bed, she takes clothes from the old wooden chest across from the bed and puts them in it.

“What the hell are you doing?” I ask and I’m trying to ignore the panic that I feel.

“I’m going to leave.”

This should make me feel better right? It doesn’t. Fuck, it fills me with terror.

“You can’t. Drag said someone was trying to kill you.”

“Haven’t heard anything in way over a couple of months. I can’t keep putting my life on hold. I’m going to move in with my friend Tammie. No one knows her, I doubt whoever it is will find me.”

“I’ve never met a Tammie,” I say trying to breathe because it feels like my heart is beating so fast I’m going to stroke out.

“That’s because she lives in another state.”

Just like that, the panic increases. Carrie moving out is bad. Carrie somewhere I don’t know? Carrie somewhere without protection? Oh hell no. No. Just, no.

“Since we have no idea who the hell is after you, you could be playing right into their hands,” I say trying to direct the conversation back to why she shouldn’t leave.

“Yeah well, living like this isn’t changing anything either and I’m tired.”

I walk over and dump her clothes back on the bed, because with each thing she adds I feel fear course through me stronger. She can’t go.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” She asks and the anger in her voice is sexy. Fuck, it is sexy as hell.

“You’re not leaving.”

She’s not. Fuck, I can’t handle this. I need to call Dragon. He’ll talk some sense into her. I have no idea how to deal with women.

“I am. I don’t know what kind of game you are playing, but I’m done.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play stupid Jacob, I might be younger than you, but I’m not an idiot.”

“I have no idea…”

“Then you’re a liar to yourself and me,” she growls and throws her clothes back in the case.

Her red hair is bouncing along her shoulders, her voice is filled with anger, her face is flushed and I have the strongest urge to get on my knees and beg her to help me. Beg her to stay and not give up.

“What has crawled up your ass?”

“What has? Oh my god! You know Jacob, I’ll take a lot from you. I have actually. That never made me feel stupid, until right now!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking…” I end with an umpf noise as I catch the bag of clothes she throws at my stomach.

“STOP LYING TO ME!”

I freeze. I’ve never seen Carrie this animated, this angry and outspoken.

“WHY? WHY, JACOB!?!?!?”

I drop the bag and stare at her.

“I am not cut out to be a monk.”

Her mouth opens and then this look of confusion goes over her face and she crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“Gee I would have never guessed that,” she says sarcastically. Somehow this new side of Carrie is just as sexy, if not sexier, than the old one. She’s not getting it though, so I soldier on.