Resolution (Saviour #2)(12)
“Please look at me Lauren. I was drunk, I don’t really remember much, I walked in the bar and she was there with some mates. They left, she stayed. I know she wanted to f*ck. She kept asking, she kept trying to kiss me. I wanted you Lauren, just you, I wanted to get back home to you and touch you, smell you, but I needed a lift so she drove me home. I told her she couldn't come in, to book a taxi to pick her up from out the front. I told her I was coming home – to our home, to you. I love you, there is no one else, only you, there has never been any one else, only you. I f*cking love you Lauren and I am so, so sorry for the way I behaved yesterday... Please, please will you just look at me?”
I don't know what it is that suddenly comes over me. Disappointment, anger, at myself and at him. Whatever it is, it comes over me like a wave and it’s as if I have no control over my actions. I look up at him without actually looking him in the eye and out of nowhere I feel my arm swing back and as my fist makes contact with his jaw I roar at him.
“Liar!”
Crack! I've punched him. I've punched him so hard he tilts backwards from where he’s kneeling and smacks his head on the side of the coffee table on his way down to the carpet. I let out a cry of pain and shake my hand. Shit, that hurt, I’ve never hit someone so hard.
“Fuck, f*ck you Gabe, you broke my f*cking hand!”
I squeeze it under my armpit to try and stop it throbbing. I notice he's not moving but before I can jump up to see if he's okay, Jo has joined us.
“What the f*ck is going on? Loz. Shit Loz. What's happened?”
She looks from me to Gabe, who is now rubbing his chin.
“Fuck Lauren, f*cking hell. She hit me Jo. Its fine, I'm fine.” He pushes himself up on his elbows and our eyes meet. He has the sexiest smile on his face and I almost melt.
“Fuck Lauren. That was so f*cking hot, I love it when you get pissed off with me like that, f*ck you can punch.” His hand is rubbing over his jaw and he continues to laugh. I’m in bits and he lays there and laughs.
“You're a sick, sado, pervi liar! That wasn’t meant to be hot, you nob, you broke my f*cking hand and you broke my heart you lying arsewipe. I know what you did, I read the text messages.”
Jo is standing staring at us with her hair dripping wet and a towel wrapped around her. “Are you right in the head? You two really are made for each other. Lauren, play nice, Gabe, if I find out you f*cked that blonde whorebag, I will deck you myself darl. Now the pair of you, sort your shit out please and don’t bleed or have sex on my carpet.”
And he winks… He winks and smiles at me when Jo says the word sex. The bang on the head has obviously wobbled something loose. He thinks he can make everything better with sex, if only life were that simple.
Jo turns and leaves us. I wipe my angry tears away with the back of my left hand and go into the kitchen and run my right hand under the cold tap. It's just a little swollen and doesn't hurt hardly at all now.
I feel him behind me, before I can speak, he says, “Lauren, let’s get some ice on that.”
I finally look up into his baby blues and yes it truly is as painful as I feared, but there is one thing I have learnt about myself these past weeks, I'm stronger than I ever imagined, and I call on everything I have to get the words needed out of my mouth.
“Don't you dare touch me; it will take a lot more than ice to put this right Gabe.”
“Stop being a martyr Lauren, that needs looking at, it must be painful.”
“Gabe. You know what, you're right; my hand hurt. But it's not hurting anywhere near as much as my heart is right now, you let me down. You, the person who has spent the past weeks convincing me to trust you, telling me you would protect me and these past days telling me how much you love me. When the first big test came, you were gone, you left me alone in a house, where just the night before, I was assaulted, you left me there on my own, you didn't tell me where you were going and you didn't find out during the rest of the day if I was okay. You went off without a second thought and did your own thing. Then you came home with another woman, covered in her lipstick and so f*cking blind drunk that you couldn't even stand up. You let me down. So please don't touch me, please don't talk to me or show concern for me, it's too late, I would just like you to go, I will arrange to pick up my stuff over the next couple of days.”
I don’t mean it, I don’t want him to go anywhere but he has broken my heart and right now this is about survival, I need him to go so that I can get my head around it all, I need to find out the truth and I need. No – I want to make him suffer like I am and if that means I have to suffer a little bit more, then so be it, I’m a woman right? We have cutting our nose off to spite our face down to a fine art.
I turn and grab a tea towel and get a glass full of ice from the dispenser and tip it onto the tea towel and despite the pain I use both hands to tie the corners together and gently lay my homemade ice pack on top of my hand. All the while I can feel his eyes on me. I finally pluck up the courage to turn and face him, he looks terrible. But still totally hot and gorgeous and sexy. My heart melts just like the ice on my hand. Just a very little. He is staring at the floor, he has no shoes on and he is tracing an invisible pattern onto the tiles with his toes. He looks up at me and instantly takes my breath away, he has two days stubble on his jaw and I so want to run my tongue over it, right into that dimple on his chin. I blink a couple of times to try and clear that thought from my mind. He has dark circles under his eyes and he looks drained. Serves him bloody right. Hope he still has a hangover from hell. Hope he's suffering and continues to all day. Yeah, I'm a bitch... And???