Quintessentially Q (Monsters in the Dark #2)(99)

Time froze.

His confession tied me up, stole my mind. His drunken state let me see the depth of his feelings. Time began anew, sparkling with new possibilities. My body was no longer mine, it belonged to Q. Everything belonged to Q.

How could I ever forget that I would always belong to Q?

Scrunching my face, I battered and screamed at my heavily garrisoned tower. I wanted the guilt. I wanted the nausea—for tears to spill—because it would show I was still alive in there…somewhere.

I no longer wanted to live in a void.

But no matter how I picked at old wounds, nothing worked. I’d added too many bricks, slammed closed too many locks.

I’d lost everything and I couldn’t even grieve.

By the time the sun warmed the room and a new day sparkled, I’d exhausted myself into a worse empty silence than before. I could stab myself in the heart and I wouldn’t feel it. I could break every bone in my body and I wouldn’t care.

I was truly dead inside.

Frederick was right. I couldn’t do this to Q anymore.

After showering and dressing in a pair of jeans and baby pink blouse from the carousel room, I made my way downstairs with just my passport in my pocket. I had no idea how I’d get back to Australia. I had no money—save for the cash Q gave me. I had no plan, and I didn’t care if a hitchhike turned into what happened before. Maybe some rapists would finish the job, so I could finally rest and not be so terribly cold.

Suzette stood in the foyer as I descended the stairs. Her arms crossed over her chest, a look full of sadness and disbelief on her face. “Q told us you were leaving. That Franco and I weren’t to stop you. Please don’t do this, Tess. Give it some time. We can wait. We can help you find your way back.”

I shook my head. “That isn’t fair on Q. I have nothing left and he deserves everything. It’s not fair to stay and give him hope.” I gave her a sad smile. “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

Without another word, I opened the front door and stepped outside. The world seemed so normal. Summer turned to autumn, and the beautiful trees in Q’s gardens started the journey from green to red to gold before dropping completely.

I felt like a dried-up leaf whose only purpose was to fall to the ground and rot.

Waiting on the stoop, I tried once more, one last and final time to find some part of me alive and unwilling to go, but the numbness was my only answer.

By protecting myself, I doomed myself. I may not die from guilt, but I would never live with love or happiness again.

My first step off Q’s porch should’ve buckled my knees and torn my heart free from my chest, but it didn’t.

I’d never feel again.

Once onto the gravel, I skirted the horse fountain, heading down the long driveway. Trees loomed above, blotting out the early morning sun. I kept walking until I hit the road.

Left.

Right.

Which way to go? Should I go back to Australia? Why? There was nothing left for me there. I had no desire to go anywhere, only to leave this wondrous life that could’ve been.

To let Q heal without me. To let him forget and move on.

I stepped off Q’s driveway.





You’re my obsession, I’m your possession, you own the deepest part of me…



I didn’t know where I went after I left Tess. I spent the rest of the night staring at some hideous vase, feeling nothing.

The alcohol left my system hours ago, and Frederick—the traitorous bastard—let himself out a little while after I left Tess.

He spoke to her. I knew he did, and if I was honest, it f*cking pissed me off and made me want to kill him. But Tess had chosen. She used the safe-word, for f*ck’s sake.

She couldn’t hurt me any more than she already had.

I was done.

The sun slowly rose on a new day—a day where I would have to pretend that nothing had happened. I would go back to work and bury myself under paperwork. Someone had to deal with the rumours going around about me. Dubois—the chief of police—had been true to his word and banned all bad press about Moineau Holdings, but that wouldn’t last forever.

Franco had already prevented one attack on my home from disgruntled traffickers. The strange thing was my shares in other companies—the untainted by slaves or sinful underworld investments—had grown. Turned out people liked to invest with a company that had morals and a CEO who had a saviour complex.

Tess did me a favour—she reminded me I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t expect to have what others took for granted. I’d never earn the love of a woman or be stupidly happy like the rest of the human race. But I had other things to live for. I would save more slaves than ever before; I would make sure others could have a happy ending instead.

That would be my legacy.

Merde, maybe I should close the business and go on a never-ending hunting spree. Then, I might be happy.

Suzette appeared in the reading nook in the lounge where I’d hidden for the past few hours. “She just left, master.” She looked out the window, no doubt seeing Tess heading down the driveway. “I did what you told me and just let her go, but Franco isn’t happy. He’s got the car ready to go if you want to go after her.”

A sharp dagger twisted my heart, but I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to stay seated.

I wouldn’t chase after her. I wouldn’t. Not after the safe-word.