Quintessentially Q (Monsters in the Dark #2)(102)

I stood unmoving, watching him tear around the room. Once he’d tugged and straightened the towel for the fifth time he came to stand in front of me, breathing hard.

He stood straighter, gathering energy from the room yet all the while seeming to shrink in on himself. His eyes locked with mine, and I gasped at the torment deep in their pale depths.

“Remember. If you refuse, I’ll kill you.”





You crawled into the darkness, set my monster free, so scream, bleed, call out to me, but never say stop, never flee…



I stood in front of Tess ready to do something I’d never done in my life. Something I didn’t know if I could stomach. Something I didn’t know if I could walk away from.

“Merde.” I hung my head, running hands over my bruised face. The entire journey carrying Tess here, I tried to think of another way. A way where I could keep my f*cked-up sanity and still fix her.

But I couldn’t see any other logic.

There was no other way.

I had to let her take away my ownership, my very f*cking life.

Tess stood there with her arms straight by her sides, her blonde curls so wild and carefree compared to her closed-off detachment.

I hated her in that moment—hated the coldness, the lack of connection. The way she left me to flounder and die of a broken heart. I wanted to throw her on the bed and make her scream. I wanted to do all sorts of things to her to get a reaction. I wanted to hurt her until she used the safe-word again but this time, ignore it. I wanted to push past her barriers and make her see the truth.

I can’t. I wouldn’t be responsible for destroying her mind.

Gritting my jaw, I ran hands through my hair. I couldn’t stand still. I was like a f*cking schoolboy about to lose his virginity all over again.

And in a way I was.

“Tu ne sauras jamais ce que ?a me co?te.” You’ll never know the cost of this, I murmured, looking up for the first time. “The amount it’s taxing me.”

Tess’s gaze softened. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to do it. I’ve caused enough damage.”

I growled, hating that I offered so much and she had the nerve to deny it. “It’s not a negotiation, Tess. You’re doing this. I’m just letting you know how much this will hurt me. How much I’m willing to put my life on the line—for you.”

She froze, nostrils flaring.

The word mistake danced in my mouth and I swallowed it back. This wasn’t a mistake. I f*cking loved her, and it was time I told her that.

“I love you,” I snarled, as if was a terrible thing—an abomination.

Her eyes widened and she looked away. “Don’t do this, Q.”

I moved closer and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at me. I let go of everything, every barrier, every smoke and mirror. I let her see everything I was. All the fear I felt, all the love I burned with. “You could be anywhere and I would still hurt, esclave.”

Her eyes stayed cold, even after I showed her how much I needed her. She shook her head, trying to get free. “I can’t give you what you need anymore. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard to unlock whatever space I’m trapped in, but it’s no use.”

I ran my nose along her jaw, breathing her in, imprinting her scent of frost and orchids into my soul. When Tess did as I demanded, I doubted I’d want to be this close to her.

“It’s not about what I need. It’s about what you need.” I paused, gathering my tattered courage. “I’m going to give you what you need.”

Tess sucked in a little breath.

I flinched, eyes delving into hers, trying to see if she felt something, reacted to what I said.

But nothing glittered, nothing shone.

In that moment, I wanted to tear the room apart. I wanted to kill the bastards who took her all over again. Damn it to f*cking hell. The f*cking bastards. The f*cking screwed-up world.

Tess touched my cheek, grounding me. “Are you okay?” I wished she asked me out of concern, but I knew better.

“How can you ask that? How can you honestly think I’m okay? I had everything I ever dreamed of, then had it all snatched away. I miss you so damn much, but you don’t care. You don’t love me anymore. You took everything from me and you have the nerve to ask if I’m okay.” I laughed with the black humour of the situation. “I’m going to either ruin you or heal you. It’s one or the other, Tess. Starting now. This will either fix us or leave us in f*cking pieces.”

“What will?”

“I want you to take me.” My voice shook. What a sap. I tried again. “You’re going to do whatever you want to me. You’re going to take everything I have to offer by any means necessary.” I pressed my mouth to her ear. “You’re going to hurt me, Tess. And hurt me so f*cking much.”

Her mouth dropped open. She gawked, unseeing, unspeaking.

“I’ve f*cked you. I’ve hit you. I’ve loved you in my own way, but it’s not enough to fix you. I can’t whip what happened out of you. You need to help yourself, and I’m offering to be the one you take all that rage and pain out on.”

The air grew thick and heavy; I couldn’t breathe. She knew. She was too smart, too intelligent, not to realize what I offered.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”