Quintessentially Q (Monsters in the Dark #2)(100)

When I didn’t move, Suzette left me to my mourning and another hour went past. Every time I wondered where Tess was I shot the thought right between its eyes. I refused to think about her. I denied the ache in my cock, the pining beast inside.

I repeated over and over that I didn’t need her. I didn’t need someone who didn’t need me.

I don’t f*cking need her.

A car screeched to a halt outside, kicking gravel against the windowpane. I sat up from my slouch to see Frederick charging from his Lexus and bolting for the front door. He exploded through the foyer and into the lounge. His eyes fell on me. Tearing around the furniture, he raced forward and planted his motherf*cking fist in my jaw.

“You’re a dumb son of a bitch. In fact, you’re as stupid as she is.” Frederick hit me again, but this time I was ready for him. I ducked and swung, connecting with his ribcage.

He sucked in a breath, yelling, “I told you if you wanted to keep her you’d have to do something drastic.” He hit me again; it landed on my right shoulder.

Heat flashed through my veins and I snarled. “I did do something drastic. I hit her and demanded she come back to me—all while you f*cking watched—and then she used the safe-word!” I grabbed the hideous vase I’d been staring at all night and hurled it across the room. It connected with another glass full of flowers, and they thundered to the floor in a chaos of breaking china. “What more can I do? I swore I’d stop if she ever used it.”

Frederick poked my chest with a finger. “You can pull your head out of your ass for one.” He roundhoused me, the f*cker, and his foot connected with my ear. I went down, landing on one knee on the carpet.

I glared, shooting upright to deliver a thick set of knuckles to his jaw.

I forgot why we fought and laid into him. It wasn’t the first time we’d beaten each other to shit, and it wouldn’t be the last. Being evenly matched meant Frederick delivered as good as he got.

I landed a few fists to his upper body, while he managed to cuff me around the head, making me see stars. We huffed and groaned, circling each other like two testosterone-fuelled idiots.

Each punch he delivered gave me something I missed. It gave me a reason to get up and kick his f*cking lights out. But I didn’t.

Even though I lived to be violent, I kept myself tamed. I didn’t let myself go killer. I would never kill someone I cared about. And even though Frederick drove me crazy, I cared enough to keep him alive.

We were both breathing hard by the time Frederick did another one of his annoying karate moves and landed me on my ass. He stood over me, offering his hand.

The peace offering broke the tension and I clasped his grip, allowing him to drag me to my feet.

I licked the interior of my lip, pleasantly surprised to find I had a cut. “You’re getting vicious in your old age, Roux,” I mumbled, running a finger along the slice.

He huffed, dragging his hands through his out of place hair. “You deserved it. That was for Tess. For slapping her and being an *. You won’t get her back by forcing her further into herself.”

“But that’s what she always reacts to! She craves pain. She craves what I crave. She’s the mirror image of me, Roux, and I miss her so f*cking much.” Shit, where the hell did that come from?

I glowered, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut.

Frederick nodded, a light slowly building in his eyes. “You said she craves what you crave.” He cocked his head, pacing a few steps before spinning to face me. “Have you ever let her hit you? Whip you?”

I grabbed a drinking glass from the sideboard and threw it at his head.

What a f*cking blasphemous thing to say. Let her hit me! No f*cking way. Not a chance.

Frederick ducked the projectile; it smashed against the wall, adding to the pile of broken china and wilting flowers.

He held up a hand in surrender, thoughts whizzing in his gay-ass blue eyes. “Wait! Hear me out. What if you let her do the things to you that you do to her?”

My jaw locked as panic spread thick and fast. Nothing terrified me more. I gulped at the thought of Tess hurting me, tying me up, degrading me—making me beg. Having complete and utter dominance over me.

“Il n’y a pas moyen putain. Je ne peux pas faire ?a.” No f*cking way. I can’t do it. I shook my head hard. “No chance.”

Frederick didn’t let it go. He strode forward, talking fast. I didn’t want to listen. I’d be willing to do anything to bring Tess back, but to let her rob me of everything that made me me? I didn’t want to think about it, it hurt too much. It wasn’t possible. Exactly why I hadn’t dreamed up the idea myself.

It would kill me.

“Tess said last night she’d been forced to hurt others. You said yourself—she’s strong enough to handle anything people do to her. But what if she wasn’t strong enough to handle hurting others? What if this shutdown is to stop herself from feeling pain when she made another cry, or worse?”

I backed away, trying so hard to ignore his logic.

He cornered me by the couch, delivering his final blow. “If it were me and I loved her as much as you say you do, I would do anything.”

“I would do anything but not that.”

“What wouldn’t you do? Think about it, Q. Admit it.”

The temper from the fight escalated again. “You’re saying I need to make her hurt me. That I need to take her back to that place and break down every f*cking wall she’s built. You’re saying I need to sacrifice my own skin, my own pain to bring her back.” I sighed, wanting to wash my mouth out. “You’re telling me to do the impossible, Roux.”