Quintessentially Q (Monsters in the Dark #2)(94)

Something I will never have.

Ah shit, the painful thoughts were back. I’d successfully drunk myself into a stupor before, and nothing had existed in my brain, but now the haze switched to painful tiredness. I sighed. “Just leave, Roux. I don’t need you here.”

He shook his head. “I’m not about to leave a friend curled up in the f*cking corner reeking of whiskey without knowing what’s eating him.” He raised an eyebrow. “So…what’s eating you?”

The terrible weight I’d been carrying in my chest for weeks exploded. “She f*cking hates me! That’s what’s eating me.” I threw my hands up and the bottle went flying.

Frederick caught it before it hit the ground. “She doesn’t hate you, Mercer. You couldn’t be further from the truth.” He eyed the whiskey before taking a swig, wincing as it went down. “You scoured the world for her. You killed countless men to find her, and you butchered the man who took her because that’s what she asked of you. You’ve spent every day beside her, wiping her brow, suffering through her hallucinations all without complaint. You’ve been there for her and she knows that. She still loves you.”

I chuckled. “Oh, I complained. I’ve broken a lot of shit because I couldn’t stand to hear her nightmares or stomach the emptiness in her soul.”

Frederick smiled. “I did the same thing when Angelique got that crazy flu a few years ago. I felt so helpless. Breaking stuff was a good way of venting. That woman of mine has me by the balls—just like Tess for you.”

I scowled. Frederick painted a picture of a man who’d lost his backbone to a woman. Who went berserk when he couldn’t have her—who had no other purpose but nurse her back to health. That wasn’t f*cking me.

Was it?

That meant I cared about another more than I cared about myself. That I put their needs before my own.

Shaking my head, I argued, “You’re mistaking me for a *. I’m a scary son of a bitch who runs an international company and saves slaves from f*cked-up *s.” I snatched the bottle out of his grip and took a huge gulp.

Frederick huffed, yanking the whiskey back. “Caring for someone doesn’t make you a *, you idiot. Yes, you run a big company—but so do I, and I manage to go home to a wonderful woman whom I adore. You can be strong and soft.”

My world consisted of liquid and whiskey vapour—I only half noticed he’d stolen it and had no time to listen to his ramblings. All I could see was my old life. Working my ass off for a company that took everything I gave. I lived a lonely, ever fighting existence, but it meant I was too tired, too focused to hurt. I hadn’t even known I’d been lonely until Tess f*cking came into my life.

All of this would never have happened if I’d just sent her back to her moron boyfriend. Who the hell was I to keep her? Look at how screwed up both our lives were, thanks to my genius plan.

I hung my head. “I’m kidding myself, Roux. I’m not a softhearted man who can be normal.”

Frederick shook his head. “You’re right. You can’t. So stop trying to be. I know Tess would’ve really appreciated you caring for her over the last few weeks, but she’s on the mend. It’s time you showed her the man she fell for. The master. The dominating bastard who has sadistic tendencies.”

He chuckled, adding, “The last time you were drunk you’d just sent her back and told me, in very intimate detail I might add, what she let you do to her that night in your bedroom.”

My mind shot back to that night. The first time I let a little part of myself free, when uninhibited with alcohol, I strung Tess up and whipped her.

I lost all control. Baring my teeth, I dropped the barrier to my demons, pounding into her. There was no rocking, or gentle lovemaking. I pistoned my hips into her, grunting, sweating, a crazed need deep inside. I needed to bruise her, mark her, claim her.

With my cock deep inside, I raked fingernails along her ass, drawing blood, thrilling at how she panted and gasped with need.

The gag barricaded her screams. She bounced in my arms, breasts jiggling with every thrust. The room erupted with the sounds of heavy breathing and slapping sweaty skin. The air temperature was too hot. Tess was too much.

I’m coming. Fuck, I’m coming.

I jumped a mile when Frederick clasped my arm. My hazy eyes struggled to leave the erotic daydream and focus. How much I wished I was balls deep in Tess right now. How much I wanted to eradicate the distance between us.

“She’s your other half, Q. She lives for the sharp pleasure of pain and you live to give it to her. If there have ever been two people who belong together, it’s you.” He stood, hauling me to my feet. “So you’re gonna do something about it.”

Oh, f*cking God, the room did not know how to behave. Where the hell are my legs? The whiskey stormed inside, looking for a way out, but I swallowed hard, managing to stay upright.

Fredrick dragged me toward the steps and shoved me up them.

I grabbed the handrail, trying to stop him from pushing me where I didn’t want to go. “What the f*ck are you doing?”

“I’m not doing anything. You are.” His shoulder ploughed into my back, shoving me upward until I stumbled through the door and into the lobby. The rest of the house was asleep; after all, it was two in the morning.

He brushed his hands as if congratulating himself on a job well done. “Go on.” He waved at the stairs. “Go fix it.”