Quintessentially Q (Monsters in the Dark #2)(91)

Moving through the house, I didn’t think to where I headed. I just needed to move.

Passing all the photos of Q’s empire, I didn’t stop to admire. I didn’t let myself think about the future I’d had working with him before the nightmare started. The buildings no longer interested me. Property in general was no longer a passion of mine. I didn’t want to sketch or help Q with new projects.

The conservatory welcomed me into its warm embrace and I breathed a small sigh. At least here no one would find me. I could hide amongst the luscious plants and fly away on wings like a sparrow.

A noise up ahead startled me; I moved forward as quietly as I could. My breathing stayed shallow and slightly wheezy, but my body moved supplely enough to let me duck around small palm trees and ferns.

Turns out I wasn’t the only one seeking sanctuary inside this overgrown space.

Q stood by the huge aviary. His hands braced above his head, fingers threaded through the mesh. His head bowed and his entire body looked defeated. His black jeans and grey T-shirt were crumpled; his longer hair desperately needed a brush.

He didn’t notice me as he stood there, staring with vacant eyes at the birds flittering in their cage.

I forced myself to poke at the tender memories inside. Please let me be strong enough. I wanted so much to stop his pain. Stop this growing deletion of my feelings.

But nothing happened. All the guilt and fear that would kill me if I let myself remember, stayed locked out of reach. So, I stood there, empty, watching the man I’d broken, unable to do anything about it.

Twenty minutes passed all too quickly. My body grew tired. I wasn’t ready to stand for long periods. Song lyrics played in the background, but I paid no attention.

“She’s flying free,” Q whispered, freezing me. He raised his head to look at a sparrow that landed on the mesh by his hand. “She’s leaving soon and I don’t think I’ll survive it.”

The bird twittered and preened before taking wing again.

I waited paralysed, wanting to announce I was there to save overhearing his anguish. But like a lurker, I didn’t move.

“Fuck,” he swore, rattling the mesh. The birds squawked, flapping to the other end of the cage.

Leave, Tess. Before he sees you. I didn’t want to embarrass him.

Q moved suddenly, pushing off from the cage and striding toward the entrance of the aviary. He unlocked the deadbolt and entered the space. Birds chirped louder as Q stood in the centre of their world. He looked like a man robbed of his own wings. A fallen angel that had no place on earth and fought a daily battle to fit in.

I stepped forward. Should I say something? Comfort him? My heart twisted, needing to be there for him, but no longer able to. No matter how many kind words I spoke, Q would see I no longer lived inside.

My soul jangled with chains and locks, saving me but also ruining me. The longer I lived in my tower the more passion and connection faded.

I hated the numbing virus inside, spreading slowly, deleting all memory of who Tess had been. I was replaced with a carbon replica who would float away in the wind, robbed of her convictions and thoughts. All because I wasn’t strong enough to face what I’d done.

Q cursed under his breath, his chest pumping with emotion. “Why should I keep you when you don’t want to be here? You’re not here for me. You’re here because I lock you up. You’re my prisoners, my captives, my trophies.”

He hung his head before waving his arms. “Allez vous-en. Je ne veux plus de vous. Elle ne veut plus de plus alors ?a sert à quoi, putain? ” Fly away. I no longer want you. She no longer wants me, so what's the f*cking point?

The birds went crazy, darting left and right, spying freedom through the open door. They exploded through the exit and into the conservatory, weaving through plants and water features.

Wings rustled as I ducked from a small flock of robins.

“Get out!” Q yelled; the birds flurried harder. “Get far away from me.”

I stepped backward, not wanting to see Q breakdown. I wanted it to hurt—to kill me with knowledge that I’d ripped out his heart—but all I felt was emptiness.

Q looked up and froze.

His eyes locked on mine, shining with rage and blackness. I prayed for some awakening, so I could put both of us out of our misery. I wanted to bring forth all my love for him and keep hiding from my guilt. I wanted to erase the darkness, the lostness and hate from his eyes, but I was useless.

Bowing my head, I dropped my gaze.

Q cursed, exiting the aviary, humming with anger and rage. He stalked toward me, stopping so close his body heat seared my skin.

I flinched, expecting him to lash out—to grab my hair, slap me—something to wake me up.

When he didn’t touch me, I looked up. Q murmured, “So low you must think of me.” He captured a curl, running it gently through his fingertips. “Fly away, esclave, if that is what you want. I won’t stop you.” His tone was bleak and derelict.

He turned away, heading toward the huge bifold doors at the end of the conservatory. With a powerful sweep of his arms, he wrenched the doors to the outside world. Instantly, birds took flight, soaring high into the open skies.

Q sighed heavily, his shoulders tight and bunched as his beloved winged creatures left without so much as a backward glance.

When the last little bluejay had flown free, he turned and stared. The lines around his eyes highlighted tiredness and grief.