Quintessentially Q (Monsters in the Dark #2)(87)

There’s nothing worse than the emptiness she lives in already.

Maybe it was time for me to sleep elsewhere. To remove myself, just like she’d asked. But if I did that, I’d never get her back. I didn’t want to admit defeat.

I’ve never been so confused.

Sighing heavily, I let go of the belt, removing the feel of tempting leather in my grip. Images of Tess in the gaming room spread over the countertop roared to mind. The sound of her skin being slapped by my belt echoed in my ears. I swallowed hard, watching the silhouette of the woman who made me live in constant agony—a tripwire of desire and repulsion.

Then the urge for that sort of kink flew away, leaving me cold and hating myself for being such a f*cked-up *.

Tess was no longer strong enough for that sort of shit, and it shut me down until every last need filtered away.

I forced myself to look at her—really look at her, and I didn’t like what I saw. The weight loss, the sense of sadness shadowing her even in sleep. Every inch of me wanted to climb beside her and hold her. To curl around her, offer the protection of my body, but I stood stiff instead.

My hands didn’t unclench as I fought so many urges, not all of them making sense. I’d never been so vulnerable. So tamed. I hated the lack of control over the last weeks. I hated the fact that this delicate woman had a power over me like no other. She could break me in half if I failed to keep her alive. She’d already broken me into pieces by being so remote.

The beast inside, the one who craved her blood and screams, breathed heavy with perplexity. It still wanted to tear into her, to claim her and make her cry, but at the same time it wanted to run far away whimpering and forget she ever existed.

I want to hurt you, Tess, but now the very idea of hearing you scream makes me sick to my f*cking stomach.

Q, you’re changing. You never cared about repercussions before. Only the chase, the hunt, the pleasure.

Was this what love was? This soppy weakness? This mind-altering reality that left me lost and confounded?

If it was, I hated it.

I missed my straightforward, if not constantly battling life. I missed the coldheartedness I’d built like an impenetrable fort. I missed simplicity.

Tess groaned in her sleep, twitching violently away from some nightmare.

My heart raced as her eyes flared wide, only to close again instantly. “No, please, Q. You don’t hate me. You don’t.”

My knees wobbled, threatening to send me to the floor. She thought I hated her? There was nothing further from the truth. Her body trembled, then she turned to the side, curling into a little ball.

The closed laptop on her legs shifted and I caught it before it slid off the bed.

The snowy bandage on her neck helped soothe me. At least the tracker that led to this entire mess was destroyed and out of her body. Those bastards would never hurt anyone again, but others would try.

Franco had been given exclusive rights to keep tabs on the traffickers who’d heard of me slaughtering Red Wolverine. The death threats were piling up and soon I’d have more blood on my hands.

Feeling like a creepy bastard watching her in the dark, I took the laptop and went to sit in the chair by the window. No moonlight graced the room, which was fine by me. I didn’t deserve moonlight with what I was about to do.

Throwing a careful look at Tess, I opened the lid and waited for the laptop to boot. Immediately I went to history, and my heart seized when her email account opened.

Are you f*cking sure you want to do this?

Of course, I wasn’t. I wasn’t a snoop. I hated that I had to know what Tess talked about. But I also couldn’t live with never knowing. She hurt deep inside and wouldn’t let me in. She refused to talk. This might be the only way I could understand. I might finally decipher how her mind had cracked and help her come back to me. I wanted to heal her, not just for her sanity, but for mine as well.

I wouldn’t survive much longer without her.



From: Tess Snow

Time: 8:22p.m.

To: Brax Cliffingstone



My skin instantly broke out into a sweat. I shot a glance at sleeping Tess. Why the f*ck did she email her ex?

With an aching heart, I read.



Hi Brax,

Long-time no chat, huh? It’s weird cause I feel like I’ve been talking to you a lot lately. I don’t even know why I’m messaging you. I just…crap, I don’t know.

Let me start again. How are you? How’s Bianca? Did you take her out on that date? Oh, and how’s Blizzard? Is he still chewing my shoes that I left behind?

Anyway…just wanted to say hi. So, hi.



Such a rambling message with no point. Did she think she couldn’t waffle on to me? I would gladly listen to anything she f*cking said. I would spend the rest of my life listening to her talk about shoes and any other trivial thing if she let me.

My stomach rolled when I scrolled down and noticed the reply.



From: Brax Cliffingstone

Time: 8:38 p.m.

To: Tess Snow

Hey!

Wow, I know you said you wanted to stay friends, but I didn’t know if you would. It’s awesome to hear from you, Tessie. I have to admit, I’ve been missing the hell out of you. I keep waking up in a cold sweat, you know? Thinking you’re still kidnapped and I can’t find you. But then I remember you’ve run off to be with some guy you couldn’t live without and are madly in love with and happy. Which I’m glad about. I want you to be happy. And in answer to your question, I took Bianca out for the first time a week ago. She wanted to give me time to make sure it was what I wanted. She’s awesome and I’m starting to really care for her, but I’ll always have a soft spot for you.