Never Standing Still (The Never Duet #1)(70)
“I know you can hear me, Marky,” I said through the sobs. “Mom is waiting for you. You don’t have to be afraid.”
I swallowed hard, waiting for my tears to subside, waiting for some sort of calm to wash over me, but it never did.
“I love you, Marcus. And I’m sorry I never told you before now. I’m sorry I couldn’t say the words, but I know you felt it. I love you more than anything. Don’t be afraid.”
All my words were filled with tears, said between halted breaths, pushed out with cries. But I never left him. I stayed by his side, telling him I loved him, until finally, the beeping slowed and his chest stopped moving.
When I watched him take his last breath, his chest barely rising, then falling, I willed my heart to stop right along with his, for someone to let me go with him.
Chapter Twenty
My Most Prized Possession
I heard the door creak open, pulling me from the heaviest and most exhausting sleep I’d ever experienced. Every time I slept it was almost like it drained more energy from me instead of recharging my batteries.
It had been three days since Marcus passed. Three of the longest and most agonizing days I could remember. After all the beeping had stopped and I was sure Marcus was gone, I stayed in his room holding him, hugging him. Nurses came in and declared him dead, quietly noting the time of his death, and I just rocked him back and forth.
At some point Nancy came in and I let her hold him, then we held each other. The staff was very accommodating and let us stay a few hours, but eventually they told us they had to take his body away.
I kissed his forehead and told him I loved him, and then somehow found the strength to leave him behind. Everything after that was a blur to me. I know Riot was there, but I couldn’t talk to him, didn’t have anything to say to him.
Somehow I got home and I went to bed. And there I’d stayed until someone creaked open my door. One of my eyes opened and I saw the silhouette of a slender woman in the doorway, but when she turned I saw her belly was rounded and I knew it was Ella. I blinked, trying to make sure I was really seeing her in my room, confused because she’d never been there before.
She closed the door behind her, but didn’t flip on the overhead light. Instead, she came to my bed, sitting on the edge, and turned on the small lamp on my bedside table.
“Kalli?” she whispered, trying to wake me gently.
“Ella, what are you doing here? How’d you get here?”
“Well,” she said, tucking some hair behind my ear, making me inwardly cringe because I knew my hair had to be a greasy mess. “Riot looked up Tilly’s restaurant on the Internet, called her, got Porter’s phone number, and here I am.” Her voice was soft, so maternal. I had a brief moment of admiring how good of a mother she already was. “He’s worried about you, Kal. We all are.”
“We?”
“Megan’s here, so is Porter. Although, he’s not here here. He’s back at the hotel. He didn’t want to crowd you.” She paused, just looking at me. “And Riot’s still here.”
My breath caught. “I can’t see him, Ella. I just can’t. Please, tell him to go back to LA.”
“He just wants to talk to you,” she said, trying to soothe me by running a hand down my arm. I couldn’t say anything more; I knew if I tried to say anything about Riot I would burst into tears, so I just kept my mouth shut. “Can you tell me about your brother?”
My brain flooded with images of Marcus: him as a baby, watching him sleep wrapped in a light blue blanket, watching him learn to walk, riding a bike for the first time. I tried not to picture him in the hospital bed, tried to keep my mind from torturing me that way, but it was inevitable. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to think of Marcus again without remembering rocking his cooling body in a hospital bed.
“I’m sorry I never told you about him,” I managed, my voice a low whisper.
“Shhh,” Ella shushed me. “You don’t owe me an explanation or an apology, Kalli. You’re my best friend, and one of the best things about our friendship, the thing I value so highly, is that you take me completely at face value. You never asked questions, never pried, you were just there for me when I needed you most. If you felt like you couldn’t tell me about him, I accept that. But, if now, you feel like telling me, I’m ready to listen. Let me return the favor, Kalli. Maybe talking about him will help.”
Just before I opened my mouth to try and explain everything, the door opened and I saw Megan’s face poke through.
“Can I come in?” she whispered. I nodded and she came into the room, carrying a mug, walking to me and setting it down on the bedside table. “It’s just tea. I thought you could use something warm in your belly.”
“Thank you,” I said, but didn’t move to touch the mug.
“Kalli was just going to tell me about her brother,” Ella said to Megan, but her eyes were on me.
“Can I stay? I’d love to hear about him.” Megan’s voice was soft and curious, and nothing but sweet. I nodded again and she sat at the very end of the bed, allowing me to see her and Ella. In that moment I noticed how similar they were. Both were beautiful in a natural kind of way, as if they rolled out of bed pretty. But they were both supremely compassionate and warm-hearted.