Never Standing Still (The Never Duet #1)(69)
“Your brother has suffered a major head trauma and, unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any brain activity.”
The tears came hot and hard, stinging my eyes as I listened to the man tell me something I never wanted to know.
“Now, usually, in cases like these, we’d give the brain some time to heal, let the body calm down a little before making any rash decisions about care, but your brother isn’t lucky enough to be afforded that luxury. You see, along with his brain damage, he’s had significant internal injuries as well. His body is shutting down.”
I looked over at Marcus, lying so peacefully in that bed, trying to see what the doctor was telling me, trying to find something I could hold on to that was tangible. Sure, he looked banged up, but surely, surely, he could wake up from this. We’d dealt with obstacles before; we could handle this as long as we were together, as long as he was here for me to take care of.
“I’m sorry to tell you there’s probably only a matter of hours left.” The doctor said the words with such finality, such irrevocability, but I shook my head regardless.
“This can’t be the end,” I managed. “He’s so strong, he’s been through so much already, I know he can pull through.”
“I wish there was something we could do. I know this must be difficult.”
His words sounded sincere, he was doing everything he was supposed to be doing, but I couldn’t help but think his sympathy was rehearsed. My mind wasn’t thinking logically and was only trying to find a reality in which Marcus lived.
“I want a second opinion,” I said, flatly.
“I can put in a call to our other resident neurologist, but I’ll warn you, Marcus might not make it long enough for someone to see him. I think it’s best you use this time to be with your brother. I’ll put the call in right away.”
The doctor left the room and I turned to Nancy. “They’re wrong. I know he’ll be fine.”
“Sweetie,” Nancy said in her best mom voice. “Why don’t you just sit with him and talk to him. He needs to hear your voice right now.”
I looked anxiously at the chair Nancy had been in, which was sitting at Marky’s bedside. It looked too much like a scene in a movie, too much like loss and heartache, but deep down inside I knew he needed me to be there with him. I didn’t want to believe this was the day I’d lose my brother, but I’d be damned if he felt like he was alone when the time came.
So I sat down and reached for his hand, trying to block out all the wires and beeping that surrounded him, and just tried to focus on Marky. My little brother. The boy who’d brought so much happiness to my life for the last seventeen years. The very last piece remaining of my life before destruction. His hand was warm, but limp, and it lay heavily in my own.
“Hey, buddy,” I said, more tears trailing down my face. I couldn’t find the right words in that moment, couldn’t figure out what you were supposed to say to the most important person in your life as they slipped away from you. So, I just started at the beginning.
“The day you were born was the most magical day of my life. All throughout Mom’s pregnancy I was so anxious to meet you, so excited to hold a little baby.” I used my other hand to wipe my nose and then laughed a little when Nancy was suddenly beside me with a tissue. I gave her a weak smile, but then turned back to my brother.
“Mom wouldn’t let me in the hospital room because she thought I would be scarred by seeing a birth, but I sat just outside the door, waiting to hear you cry. When you finally made your grand entrance, you were squawking and wailing, and you were loud.” I smiled at the memory, remembering the hard floor under me and the nurses who kept walking past the room, giving me curious glances, unaccustomed to girls sitting on their floors.
“I heard you cry and I immediately jumped up and burst into the room. You were lying on Mom’s chest and just crying. I made it to you and Mom and saw the look of amazement on her face. Your dad was there, right by her side, smiling with tears in his eyes, obviously so excited to meet you.”
My voice cracked again and I looked down into my lap, remembering the best day of my life. “He looked at me too,” I cried. “He looked at me and said, ‘You’ve got a baby brother. We’re all a family now.’ And it was true,” I sobbed. “You brought us all together and you gave me something I’d never had before. Unconditional and pure love. You united all of us and I’ll never have enough ways or words to thank you for that, Marky.”
In the back of my mind I heard the door open and close, and knew Nancy had left us alone, but I couldn’t look away from my brother.
“For seven years you were the brightest light in all of our lives, and I know Mom and Dad were so in love with you. They’d be so proud of you, and I know they’re going to be waiting for you, they’re going to be there to take care of you, Marky.” I lost all sense of composure, unable to see through the fat tears spilling from my eyes, unable to speak for the loud sobs coming from me. I was drowning in so many things I couldn’t have put my thoughts in order had I tried.
I would be lost without him. No purpose, no reason, no existence. He was it. He had been it for so long, I couldn’t fathom moving forward without Marcus. And also, there was a part of me, and I couldn’t measure how big a part of me at that moment, that wanted to go with him, wanted to protect him through the scary and unknown. I wanted to be there to see my mother on the other side. I wanted to know with certainty that he would be safe and cared for.