Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(49)

Finally, by the end of the month I was so upset that I called Melissa.

“Hello?”

“It’s me, Katy. Listen, I need to ask you something, because I can’t stand not knowing.”

“Are you calling about Brooks? How did you hear?”

I dropped the phone and it shattered into a million pieces on the floor. I didn’t need to put my phone together to know what had happened, and I certainly didn’t want to put it back together to have her call me back and tell the details of when or how it happened.

Brooks was gone, and my heart was shattered.

I’d never have that reunion with him, or be able to wrap my arms around him. I’d never be able to look him in the eyes and tell him how much I loved him.

I’d never be able to introduce him to his beautiful little girl.

I fell to the ground realizing that he was never going to know about her. I could have told him and he could have died knowing that he’d created something so perfect. I’d written him more than fifty letters and never mentioned having a child or being married. The latter I knew was for the better, assuming that when he died at least he’d known we were on good terms.

An older lady that I recognized from church came and helped me get up off the floor. It didn’t help. The moment I climbed in my car I lost it. I didn’t know who to call or what to do. I didn’t even know if they’d bring his body home.

What if there was no body left?

What if he’d died and been blown up?

It happened all of time.

The longer I had to think about it, the more it stabbed at my heart.

He was my everything, my reason for breathing. How could I look at B and know she’d never meet him?

I didn’t go home for another two hours, in which I sobbed uncontrollably in my car. I didn’t know what to do or who I could talk to about it.

Finally, I pulled up in the driveway knowing I had to go inside.

He was waiting for me. “Where have you been? B’s hungry.”

I stood there, with swollen, burning eyes, and just stared at him.

“Katy, what’s wrong, darlin’?”

Then I lost it, right in front of Bobby and B. “He’s dead, Bobby.”

With two braces still on his legs, he swung around in his chair and grabbed my hand. “Talk to me, Katy. Who’s dead?”

I closed my eyes and prepared for him to smack me, or worse for sneaking behind his back. “Brooks. He’s dead.” I sobbed.

Bobby pulled me on top of him, fighting how it must have hurt him. He wrapped his arms so tightly around me. “Baby, I’m so sorry. It doesn’t even matter how you found out. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Of all the times that he’d had a right to hate me and be angry, there he was holding and comforting me. “He’s never going to know her, now. I should have told him when I had the chance. I kept her from him and now he’ll never know.”

He kissed my head and rocked me, while keeping a tight hold on my body. I knew I was shaking and it was probably bad for B to see me like that. The only good thing was that she wouldn’t remember it when she was older. She’d never remember the day when I found out her real daddy was gone. She’d never have to feel the pain of being without him and it was the only thing I was thankful for. If she felt half of what I was feeling, I’d never forgive myself.

While Bobby held me, I realized that the only reason I didn’t want to die myself was sitting there in her high chair.

For as long as I lived, I was going to teach her about her daddy, and the hero that he was to his country and especially to me.





Chapter 23


Pain.


Hurt.

Agony.

Torture.

Fear.

Nothingness.



Those feelings repeated over and over.

I didn’t know how to carry on, or even if I wanted to.

I was lost, holding onto memories, hoping for miracles.

I knew he wasn’t going to walk through my door, but admitting that meant admitted he was gone forever.

I couldn’t fathom the idea of him not being somewhere, thinking about me the way I was thinking about him. It hurt so much knowing I couldn’t have been there with him in his last minutes on this earth. I wondered if he thought about me, or if it happened quick and he didn’t have to suffer.

I was also curious how his family was coping, and if Branch had finally admitted that love was more important than any competition.

With Brooks death came so many unanswered questions.



It’s amazing how life can change in the blink of an eye. Within seconds, all of my hopes and dreams were gone. The only thing keeping me coherent was the two people that depended on me every day.

Bobby held me all night, only taking breaks to lend a hand with B. I think me being upset was making her on edge. She was fussy for no apparent reason. No matter what I tried to do to comfort her, she wouldn’t settle. He coaxed her and sang to her like he always did and she was soon fast asleep in her room.

That night I laid in bed, wrapped in his arms and weeping uncontrollably. He never asked me for an explanation, nor did he act jealous or inconsiderate. In fact, Bobby was heaven sent, worrying only about getting me calmed down before anything else.

Even when I woke in the middle of the night, he was there for me until I could fall back asleep.