Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(48)

Love always,

Katy



I pulled the box of envelopes out of the glove compartment and addressed it, before sticking it in the mailbox for the next day’s mail. I knew I couldn’t risk Bobby finding out what was going on behind his back and I didn’t even know how to approach it. We were finally at a point where we were both getting along. He was working hard on being able to walk again. I’d put him through too much to break his heart when he was at his lowest. I’d already done that to someone I cared about and knew it would end badly.



For the next week I helped Bobby with his therapy, took care of B and fantasized about a future with Brooks. It was wrong. I needed to tell him so much that I was withholding.

I just couldn’t seem to give up on the excitement of getting his letters.

Each one was more endearing than the last and soon I had a shoebox full of them.

By March, we were writing each other every single day. I knew things had gotten out of hand, but once again, I couldn’t stop myself.

It wasn’t like I was going home to Bobby and professing my love to him. I took care of him, because he didn’t have anyone else.

Then it came time to move into the new house. For a while, I’d thought that maybe he would be better and I could move there by myself, but Bobby had reached a halt in his progress. The physical therapy wasn’t getting him any further and I feared that he was going to depend on me to be there for him.



Once we were in the new house, I had to sneak out to get the mail. I couldn’t let Bobby see who my letters were coming from and he certainly couldn’t know the things that we were talking about. I knew, even without two good working legs, he’d find a way to hurt me.

The new house was bigger, giving us more room to live in, albeit it seemed small since we were all stuck there together. I knew I had to get out of the house a couple days a week or I was going to go crazy.

My problem was, I couldn’t give Bobby the opportunity to get the mail. I got so afraid of it that I’d sometimes meet the mailman down the end of the road and retrieve it, in fear of him looking out the window and counting the pieces as I pulled them out of the box.

I know it was my guilty conscience, and that Bobby didn’t have a clue that I was talking to Brooks. Still, there had been so many days where I couldn’t stop smiling and he had to know there was a reason.

About the same time as Bobby starting really questioning me, was when the letters came to a sudden stop.

I was okay for the first week, knowing that sometimes Brooks had to go to places where he couldn’t mail anything.

During that time, Bobby confronted me.

“Katy, what’s goin’ on?”

“What do you mean?” I was washing lettuce to make a salad for dinner, while he sat at the table feeding B pieces of chicken.

“You know what I mean. For two weeks you’ve said hardly anything to me. You think I haven’t seen you watchin’ for the mailman?”

It was a good thing I wasn’t looking in his direction. “Bobby, seriously, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was probably just hoping one of my magazines would come, since they have such good coupons inside of them.”

I turned around and started setting the table. “No. I think you’re hidin’ somethin’ from me. I think you’ve gone out and got yourself a lawyer and you’re plannin’ on slappin’ me with divorce papers. I’m tellin’ you right now, Katy. If that’s what you’re doin’, you best rethink that decision. Cripple or not, I won’t let you divorce me.”

I looked right at him, relieved that’s all he thought it was. “Bobby, I haven’t seen a lawyer. I think being in this house for so long is getting to your head.”

I couldn’t admit that I was worrying more about Brooks as the seconds passed.

Bobby grabbed me and pulled me toward the side of his wheelchair. “I miss you.”

I felt bad for him sometimes, knowing for sure that I’d never love him like I should. “I’m right here.”

“Can I have a kiss?”

I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against Bobby’s. What I thought would be a short peck turned out to be more and I knew I couldn’t pull away and make him more curious about my actions.

He finally ended it, only to reach his hand in between my thighs. “You know, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt you. Maybe we should put B to bed early and break in the new bedroom.”

I smiled and ran my hands through his hair.

As I thought of Brooks, and knew that I wanted it to be him, I was obligated to be the wife that Bobby needed, even if it felt more like a job than a relationship.

I leaned down and kissed him again. “It’s a date,” while cringing inside.

It wasn’t until April that I received my letters returned back to me. There was no explanation. They were just stamped return to sender.

I went into town one day, after the mail had been delivered, and headed to the library. From there, I was able to locate where Brooks had been stationed and a contact number for his commanding officer.

I feared that Brooks was gone, knowing that he’d have to have a good reason to cut off communication with me, especially when his last letter talked about us being together again.

Of course, you can’t just call a commanding officer and expect him to answer. I was transferred nearly ten times and finally got a voicemail. After leaving my information, I hung up knowing that he’d never call me back. I didn’t have security clearance, and I certainly wasn’t his family.