Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(43)

I had to get out, the sooner the better for the sake of my daughter’s and my own well-being. I wasn’t living in a loveless marriage and subjecting my child to such horrible things. She deserved better.

With my trust fund becoming available within weeks, I knew I’d have a way to leave, even if I had to buy my freedom.





Chapter 20


September 2012


“Happy Birthday, sweet girl. I can’t believe you’re one today.” She smiled and ran away from me with her party dress only half on.

Her celebration was in an hour and I still had to decorate her little cake.

I heard the door opening and turned to see Bobby standing in the doorway. Brooklyn, who I’d gotten used to calling B, had run up to him. “Dada, up.”

He picked her up and kissed her on the cheek.

I put the other strap to her dress on her arm, but avoided eye contact with him.

We’d been separated since June, a day after I gotten my inheritance. I took B and moved us back into the trailer while looking for a piece of property to build on. Bobby showed up that night beating on the door until Dave came and made him leave.

For a while I was scared he was going to break in and hurt me. His sweet-talking wasn’t going to get me in his good graces and he knew it.

The problem was that he loved B. She was his world and I couldn’t keep him from seeing her, even if I was mad at him. I knew he’d never hurt her, since his anger had always only been geared toward me.

She grabbed his face and kissed him again. “Happy birthday, kiddo.”

He looked at me and smiled. “Is there anything I can help with?”

I walked by him, heading into the kitchen. He followed and was waiting for an answer. It was hard being around him, even though he wanted us to get along. “If you could watch her while I decorate the cake, it would be a huge help.”

“Sure.” He walked B into the living room and I could hear them playing.

Bobby wasn’t always offering a hand to me. When he found out I’d left he began threatening me, saying I could never make it without him.

Then he found out about my money.

I didn’t blame Dave and Sarah for not being able to keep a secret. The money that I’d given them had paid off all of their bills and they were in the process of upgrading their kitchen.

When his shock wore off, and he realized that without money to hold over my head, he had nothing left to barter with. He knew that it was my choice if I wanted him to see B at all.

Since then he’d put himself into therapy and was doing everything he could to get back in my good graces.

The thing was that I knew that what Bobby wanted was for me to love him; something I knew I’d never be able to do. It hurt me to watch him in so much pain. No matter how he’d acted to me, B was everything and without her he seemed lost.

Since the separation, he’d stopped hanging out with Dave and spent most of his time alone, drinking. In some ways I felt responsible for his downfall and it was the main reason that I’d asked him to come over for the party.

Bobby had sacrificed so much to be with me. In the beginning he hadn’t expected much, but since I’d offered it, and then rejected him, it had done something to the man. He’d changed.

I knew he’d come into the kitchen, because I could see him out of the corner of my eye. “What’s up?”

“I was wonderin’ if after the party you and me could talk.”

I shrugged and kept writing on my daughter’s cake. “I guess. What do you want to talk about?”

“I miss you, Katy. I miss you and B so much. I know I’ve been a bastard to you, but I’ve been in therapy, and I’m doin’ good. I want our family back.”

I looked up at him, astonished he would have the balls to ask me for another chance. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You said you changed before and we both know how that turned out.”

He got down on his knee and I remembered the last time he’d been in that same position in this very kitchen. “Please. I’m not askin’ you to move right back in. I just want to be around you. It’s been Hell bein’ at the house by myself every night. I miss you bein’ with me and the way it felt to wake up next to you. I just wish you could understand what it was like to love you so much. I wish you could be in my shoes and know how hard it’s been, day after day wantin’ you to feel somethin’ that ain’t never goin’ to happen.”

I sat the cake decorator down. “Can we please discuss this after the party? Now is not the time or place.”

He sighed and got back up off the floor. “Yeah. Sorry.”

I watched him walk out of the kitchen and heard him lighten up when he got close to the baby.

Did I feel sad for him?

Of course I did.

He’d been with me for my whole pregnancy and held my hand when she was born. He’d gotten up with her at night and she was always the one thing that could bring a smile to his face. Imagining him at home in that house all alone must have been torturous.

It was a good thing that Sarah came in to break my salty mood. We carried everything outside and sat the kids at the picnic table, while Dave and Bobby started to cook on the grill.

B had climbed down and was playing with their old dog. She’d pull his ears and he wouldn’t even make a sound. The more she did it, the less he paid any attention to her.