Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(44)

I swooped her up and spun her around, getting a kick out of her laughing. When I sat her down, she looked drunk and fell down on the ground. “B, are you ready to eat?”

“Apple.”

Everything that was edible was called an apple. After attaching the chair to the edge of the picnic table, I sat her down and gave her tiny pieces of hot dog. She grabbed them up into both of her hands and started shoveling them in her mouth.

Then I spooned some macaroni and cheese onto her tray and watched her smile. “Is that your favorite, sweet girl?”

B clapped and hot dog particles flung all over my face.

When I knew she was content with her food, I made myself a plate and sat across from Bobby, who was already stuffing a burger into his mouth. I couldn’t help but notice him watching me, reminding me that I’d broken his heart. He didn’t understand that mine was also in the same shape.

I wanted to be able to count on him, because after everything I’d been through, he’d given me hope. Instead, after he’d hit me three separate times, I was left with scars that would never heal; the internal kind.

I wanted to forgive him, because inside of that angry man was someone that could be gentle and adoring.

My little Brooklyn took her time digging into the cake, at first. Then she let her face fall in it. I recorded the whole thing and knew that once she was older I’d play it back and remember how cute she was.

Her first year had gone by so fast and I was blessed to have such a healthy, well behaved baby. Now that she was starting to walk around, I had a bunch of obstacles. The first priority was getting the trailer baby-proofed. She’d started putting everything in her mouth and one of the newest things she was doing was sticking her fingers in any openings she could find.

B fell asleep at the table. I had to wake her up to get her clothes off and wash her, but she fell back asleep without a fight. Sarah helped me do all the dishes and put the extra food away, while the guys stayed outside watching the kids.

“So, Dave told me Bobby’s really been tryin’.”

I dried a dish and put it away. “Yeah, he is. He asked me if we could talk tonight. I told him it was alright.”

Sarah stopped washing the dishes. She turned around to face me. “My dad seems to think the therapy is helpin’.”

I shot her a dirty look. “Isn’t that supposed to be private?”

She smiled and tried to look innocent. “Well, we’ve known him for years. I wanted to be sure he wasn’t a danger to himself.” She grabbed my hands. “Katy, I think you should give him another chance. He’s working really hard at getting better and we’ve never seen him so upset before. I’m not sayin’ that you should move right back in, but maybe you could take things slow. Go to a few anger management meetings with him. Show him that you still care.”

I covered my face with my hands, feeling frustrated and cornered. “I can’t give him what he wants. We all know that.”

She motioned around the room. “Katy, look around you, darlin’. Brooks isn’t here and he’s never goin’ to be. You have a man that loves you and your daughter. Isn’t it worth it to try and save the family that you have right now? After all you’ve been through, wouldn’t it be nice knowin’ you’re not alone?”

I hated that she was trying to make me feel sorrier for Bobby, so I finished our conversation by saying goodnight to her.

Within minutes Bobby was coming inside and sitting across from me in the kitchen. He was just as handsome as he’d ever been and it hurt me more knowing how wonderful he was when his head was on straight. “I want to go to a meeting with you. Can we arrange that?”

He perked up. “Does that mean there’s a chance that we could get back together?”

I placed my hands flat on the table and took a couple deep breaths. “I’m not making any promises. I think we should take it day by day and see how it goes.” I looked down at his hands and saw his wedding ring. He was swirling it around like he was nervous. “Bobby, we never should have got married when we did. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful, but rushing into it hurt us. Now we have this mess that we have to clean up before anything can be settled.”

He was starting to cry. I reached over and put my hands in his. “We both made mistakes.”

“I’ve hurt you. I know that.”

“One day at a time, Bobby. Okay?”

He smiled and agreed.

By no means was I inviting him back into my bed any time soon, but I was willing to mend fences to see if he’d changed, and if there was a way that we could get past it.





Chapter 21


November 2012


I was doing good, standing on my own two feet and not letting Bobby’s guilt trips get the best of me. Though he still tried to make amends, I’d come to the conclusion that I didn’t really want to take the chance of him hurting me again.



Then it all changed.



It wasn’t long after our little heart to heart that things went awry.



I got the call at nine in the morning from his shop cashier. She worked three days a week for him, and if she wasn’t there, I don’t know how long he would have been stuck with no one to call for help.

Bobby was working on an oil change for one of our neighbors. On the mornings that he would do things like that, he’d pick up their cars and leave his truck for them to use.