Lost and Found (Twist of Fate #1)(67)

Still, I didn’t like the silence.

But he wasn’t exhibiting any of the signs Jake had mentioned.

I glanced at Jake to see how he was doing. He was handling the day’s hike like a champ, but I knew, like Bennett, he had to feel wiped out from both his injury and the stress he’d been experiencing the past couple days.

“You going to tell me about how you knew all that stuff back there?” I asked. Jake was leaning on me more heavily now, presumably because his ankle was starting to hurt more and more.

“What stuff?”

“That secondary drowning shit. Carrying a stethoscope around,” I said.

“Just like to be prepared.”

“Bullshit.”

He shot me a look, but he quickly shuttered whatever emotion had been in his eyes for the briefest of moments.

Although I’d gotten to know Jake somewhat better once he’d made the move to Colorado, he was still a complete enigma. I could count on one hand the things I knew about him. And even then, I’d have fingers left over. I’d always let it go because I figured, like me, he was running from something in his past. But I was beginning to wonder if maybe what he was running from was much more than the broken heart I’d been trying to deal with for the past fifteen years.

“Just let it go, Xander,” he said. “That’s not our thing, remember?”

I knew what he was talking about. Somehow we’d reached a silent agreement that whatever was in the past was better off left there. It was a rule I’d gladly adhered to after I’d gotten drunk one night and told Jake about Bennett’s defection when we were kids. I hadn’t told him any of the details, but he’d learned enough to know I’d carried the scars for a long time. Luckily, he’d never pressed me for more, and I’d respected the same boundary with him.

Which meant I’d have to respect it now.

“Thank you,” I said.

“For what?”

“For checking him out,” I said as I motioned ahead of us. I knew Bennett was too far ahead to hear our conversation. We were on the last leg of the trail which was a straight shot to the trailhead, so I didn’t have to worry about him and Jimmy getting a little farther ahead of us.

Jake nodded. “He seems like a good guy.”

His comment surprised me since last time he’d seen Bennett, I’d been in the process of trying to get away from my former friend. I would have expected him to be lashing out at Bennett in some attempt to protect me. Before I could say anything, he continued.

“You guys talked it out, didn’t you? Fixed whatever was wrong between you?”

“We did,” I said. “How did you know?”

He shrugged. “It’s written all over your faces. Even the one time you told me about him, there was something in your eyes…” His voice fell off briefly before his gaze connected with mine. “It’s still there.”

I sighed. “It always will be. But we only fixed some things. Some things just can’t be changed.”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that he lives 2000 miles away. That he’s a part of a world I never want to go back to.”

“What, because he’s got money?”

“Not just that… he’s someone out there. His name means something. He’s got a successful career ahead of him running the family business. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t fit.”

“Hmmm, never pegged you for a pussy.”

I was so startled by his comment that I actually stopped walking. Jake wasn’t big on confrontation and had a habit of keeping his thoughts to himself. If I wanted his opinion on something, I usually had to drag it out of him.

“What is it? Is everything okay?” Bennett asked as he glanced over his shoulder at us.

“Yeah, sorry, all good,” I said quickly and got us moving again. I waited until Bennett and Jimmy had put several yards between us before I said, “I guess when you’ve got something to say, you don’t pull any punches, huh?”

“I learned a long time ago that life’s too short not to say what you mean. While you’re fiddling around trying to find the right words or the courage to say what’s in your heart, you might just lose your chance altogether.”

“Thank you, Professor Nietzsche,” I said.

Jake chuckled and a small smile drifted across his lips. But for once, it was a real smile. It almost reached his eyes.

Almost.

But not quite.

“What if he doesn’t need you to fit into his world? What if he just needs you?”

“So what? I’m supposed to ask him to give up everything to be with me?” I asked. Even as I spoke, Jake’s words had planted a little sliver of hope deep inside of me that began to unfurl and curl throughout my body. Maybe there was a way I could make it work. Maybe I didn’t need to ask Bennett to give anything up. As much as I hated the idea of living in New York, maybe I could stomach it if it meant I got to be with him. I could pretend that his friends and family didn’t think I was trash. I’d still have to travel for work, but it would be a hell of a lot better than not being a part of his life. I could make it through just about anything if it meant I could go home to Bennett each day.

I knew I was getting ahead of myself, but I couldn’t help it. This past week had shown me that as much as I loved my life, there was a gaping hole in it that only one man could fill.