Lost and Found (Twist of Fate #1)(68)

I finally realized Jake hadn’t answered me, and I glanced at him to see his eyes were on the ground in front of us. “You okay?” I asked. He’d always been the quiet, solemn type, but there was just something off about him today.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just tired.” His eyes met mine, but it seemed like he had to force the connection. “Thanks for coming to get us.”

“That’s what friends do, right?”

But he didn’t answer me, and in a strange way, I felt like I’d just lost a part of him. Which made no sense since he was right there next to me. Before I could question him, though, he said, “Look.”

I looked up to see Gary striding towards us, a look of utter relief on his face. We were less than a mile from the trailhead. Which meant that even at Jake’s slow pace, it was less than an hour before we reached the lodge and all of its offerings.

Warm beds.

Hot showers.

Amazing food.

And I got to share them all with Bennett. Before talking to Jake, I’d figured I’d get a day or two at most to make love to Bennett on a soft mattress or talk to him over a hot meal, but now I was wondering if it couldn’t be more than that. If those things could become my new normal.

Once Gary reached us, I let him take over helping Jake so I could run ahead and make sure Bennett was okay.

“Hey,” I said. “It’s not much farther. You doing okay?” I asked. I closed my hand around his elbow, both to support him if he needed it and also just to feel his warm skin, but I was shocked when he moved away from me.

“Yeah, we’re good,” he said as he put his arm around Jimmy’s shoulders.

His defection hurt, but I knew it was likely the exhaustion talking. Not to mention he might not be comfortable showing affection around Jimmy.

Except he’d been fine with the boys in our group assuming we were together.

Uncertainty shimmied through me as we walked in silence.

“I thought I’d stay at the lodge for a couple days,” I said, more to get him talking than anything else. I let my words drop off because Bennett didn’t even look at me as I spoke. “You okay?” I asked again.

“Fine,” he said. “Just tired. Ready to go home.”

Home.

Did he mean the lodge or did he mean New York? Doubt began to creep in. What if I’d read last night wrong? What if everything he’d said and done hadn’t really meant anything? I’d been so certain after we’d made love the second time that he was feeling the same things I was, but what if I was wrong? What if he was content with how things had ended up, after all? He could certainly regret what had happened fifteen years ago, but that didn’t mean he wanted things to change now.

“So I thought I’d stay at the lodge,” I said again, hoping, praying for some kind of reaction from him.

“Probably a good idea,” he said. “I’m sure you’re tired and could use some rest before you head home.”

“Yeah, right,” I said. A familiar churning in my belly had me slowing my step. The sensation continued all the way back to the lodge. I barely managed to interact with Lucky who, along with Bear, Aiden and one of the chaperones I recognized from Jake’s group, was waiting for us by the entrance to the lodge. Gary helped Jake into the lodge while the other chaperone took charge of Jimmy, leaving just me, Bennett, Aiden and Lucky standing there. Thunder rumbled in the distance, a reminder that although we’d beaten the storm back to the lodge, we were still in for a good soaker.

As Lucky told me all about how he’d taken care of Bear for me, I watched Bennett approach Aiden. The other man looked from Bennett to me. I saw him say something to Bennett, but Bennett just shook his head. I watched in disbelief as the man I loved more than anything else in this world sought comfort in another man’s arms.

This couldn’t be fucking happening. Not twice in one lifetime. It just couldn’t.

“He’s an awesome dog, Xander. I’m gonna miss him.”

I forced my attention to Lucky and said, “I appreciate you taking such good care of him for me, Lucky. I know he’s going to miss you too. I will too, for that matter.”

“This was the best trip ever,” Lucky said with a huge smile, and then he was wrapping his arms around me. I hugged him back as I fought the emotion that was threatening to close up my throat.

I watched Lucky head back to the lodge. Aiden put his arm around the boy’s thin shoulders as they disappeared through the front entrance. It took everything in me to stand there and face Bennett, because I knew what was coming.

He was going to tear my fucking heart out. I just knew it.

Just like when he’d pushed me to safety on that river crossing the day before, everything slowed down. Only this time, I knew the outcome wouldn’t be in my favor.

He finally turned to face me. He looked pale and sickly, and despite the agony that was threatening to send me to my knees, I was worried about him.

“Xander, I—”

“You should go inside, Bennett. You need to get warm and rest. If you can, try to go see a doctor before you head home.”

“Um, yeah,” he murmured. “I should do that… I just wanted to say—”

“You don’t have to say it,” I said. I’d thought I could do it— listen to him give me the brush-off— but I wasn’t strong enough. I was way too close to doing what I’d done that night so many years ago… something I’d done when my mother had walked out of my life for the last time.