Joshua Healy (The Mitchell/Healy Family #10)(56)

Then she’s there, helping me to my feet and allowing to speak to her. It’s probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, yet it gets me permission to hold her close, at least for one more night.



She’s fallen asleep, but I remain wide awake. I don’t want to waste a single moment I have left with her. I’m afraid if I close my eyes I’ll wake up to find her gone.

I’m nervous when she starts to stir. Her eyes are heavy as they meet mine in the dim lit room. I know I shouldn’t, but I have to kiss her; to feel those lips I love pressing against mine. I’m slow as I graze her skin, testing the waters to see if she’ll allow it.

All of a sudden she’s taking control, climbing on top of me while our lips crash together in a heated kiss. I shove her cotton shirt over her head and bring my face up to caress her tender breasts. Her hand reaches below and grips my cock. She’s fidgeting with the buckle to my belt, fighting to free it. I roll us over, pull the shirt from my head, and then focus on getting my jeans off before she loses her nerve. My body is shaking. I’ve never been this scared to be with a woman before. She’s fragile. At any moment she could push me away, so I’m not willing to stop and ask for permission.

I yank off her shorts, taking her panties with them. Then we’re completely naked. I’m hovering overtop of her tantalizing body, not knowing what I should do. She takes me by the hips and pulls me on top of her, so I nuzzle my face against her neck and lick until I’m at her earlobe. There’s no need for positioning. Her wet * is already perfectly in line with my rock hard cock. I thrust, my dick surrounded by the confines of her tight walls. It’s almost too much for me to handle.

Tamsyn brings her hands up to either side of my face. “You’re shaking.”

“I’m nervous.”

“Just make love to me, Josh. I need you. I need you to love me right now so I can stop hurting for a little while.”

We kiss again, this time I’m fighting from losing myself to my emotions again. This is what love feels like. When it’s great I feel high, and when it’s bad, I’m drowning without a life vest to save me. As our bodies move in sync, I’m forced to imagine this will be the very last encounter we’ll have. I’m trying to go slow, while Tamsyn fights for it to be fast. She wants to get it over with. I’m doing this for my own selfish reasons, and she’s just going to have to wait.

We remain in the same position. I need to look into her eyes when I come. I have to memorize her face when she falls apart with me, and as it begins to happen I feel her crying beneath me.

We’ve rolled over, her resting overtop of my bare chest. She’s drawing her fingers around like she always does afterwards. Neither of us have spoken yet, and it’s killing me. Each one of her sniffles makes it tough for me to keep it together. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without you,” I whisper.

“You’ll be a good father. I’ve seen you with the little ones. You’re a natural.”

“I don’t want this, not with her.”

“If you want to be a part of the child’s life, you’ll have to make peace with Livvy.”

“When I look at her I see everything she’s taken away from me.”

“Life’s sacrifices aren’t ever easy, Josh.”

“I asked her to have an abortion.”

Tamsyn leans on her chin in order to look at me. “You did? You’d want her to end the pregnancy?”

I shrug. “I don’t know what I want.”

“Josh, can I ask you something without you getting angry with me?”

“Anything.”

“Does any part of you still love Livvy?”

“Anything except that.”

She’s quiet. “I guess I have my answer.”

“It’s not that. It’s complicated. I don’t want to have any feelings for her. I hate her, but at the same time I guess something made my drunk ass go through with it.”

I wait for her to push me away, but instead she rolls over with her back turned to me. Her body begins to jerk and I know she’s silently crying again. When I try to rub her back she shoves my hand away. “I can’t do this, Josh. I thought I could, but I know I won’t be able to. Things are going to change. You’ll connect with the pregnancy whether you both want to or not. I can’t be the reason you stay away. I won’t let you do that.”

I sit up. “What the hell are you saying? Are you trying to tell me to be with Liv, because that’s not going to happen. I don’t have to be with her to share responsibilities.”

“I’m saying that there is a chance any residual feelings you have for her may come back to bite you in the ass, and I’m not going to sit around watching it happen.”

“It won’t,” I try to reassure her.

“One week, Josh. I’ll stay here with you, but the moment we go home I’m moving out. I have to.”

“What if I can change your mind?”

“You can’t. Livvy is having your baby. You’ve loved her for years. I’ve only known you for several months. You do the math.”

“The math doesn’t prove shit.”

“It’s the right thing to do, besides, you and I both know I’ll probably never be able to trust you again. What good is a relationship without that?”