Joshua Healy (The Mitchell/Healy Family #10)(54)

It’s the middle of the night when I come out of the bedroom. My stomach is growling, yet I’m too upset to eat anything. I’d never expect to find Josh asleep on the floor in the hallway. I’m furious and hurt, but still care. I’m not the only person going through hell. It’s obvious he’s tearing himself apart over what’s happened.

I kneel down and shake him awake. “Hey.” He stirs, sitting up and taking in his surroundings. “How long have you been here?”

There’s a bottle of whiskey next to him, so I know he didn’t follow me upstairs earlier. “A while.”

“Are you able to stand?” I ask.

I take his hand, not even thinking that it’s probably not a good idea to touch him. I get him to his feet, realizing how close it’s made us. He brings his free hand up and strokes my face. “Please don’t stop loving me.”

I turn away from his touch. “You can’t ask me that.”

“Well, I’m doing it anyway!” He picks up the whiskey bottle and takes a long swig.

He’s getting loud, and I don’t want to involve anyone else in our problems, so I pull him inside of the room I’d been in. When the door is closed, I put my finger over my lips to make him aware that he’s being too loud. He smells of booze. There’s no telling how much he’s had.

I steal the bottle and drink as much as I can before it makes me hurl. Then I do it a second time, hoping and praying there is enough left to make the pain subside.

He’s watching me, a half-smile forming on his face as I do it. “It’s not going to work,” he mentions.

“Screw you. Let me be the judge of that.” I guzzle the entirety of the bottle and sit it on a nearby dresser. The horrible taste causes me to gag, but I manage to keep from heaving. “Where did you go earlier?”

He sits down on the mattress and folds his hands in his lap. “I went to talk to my father.”

“Does he know?”

“Yeah.”

I can only imagine how it went. “Did you fight?”

“We had words. I lost my shit, punched a hole in my uncle’s garage wall.” He holds up his hand to show me the bruising.

I sit down beside him to get a better look in case it’s broken. As I’m checking it out I can feel his eyes in my direction. As if in slow motion I turn to make sure. We’re so close, yet a wall is sitting between us, an invincible shield keeping us apart.

“I never thought I was lost until I found you, Tamsyn. I didn’t think it was possible to love this way. Every part of me aches for you. I wish I knew how to make this right.”

“I believe you, Josh. I really do. There’s just some things I’ll never be able to get over.”

“I know.”

I’m still holding onto his fist, and as I begin to let go, he takes my hand and forces our fingers to lace. Our eyes meet again. “We belong together.”

I nod. It’s true. We’re a perfect match. I don’t need a dating site to tell me either. He finishes my sentences. We enjoy the same things. We get each other.

“Stay for Thanksgiving. Be here with my family. When we go home I’ll help you leave, if it’s what you really want.”

“Don’t you get it? I’d never want this.” I’m crying again. “I don’t want to lose you because some bitch came between us. It’s not fair. It’s just not fair at all.”

He brings my hands to his lips and kisses them. I close my eyes as the liquor starts to make it’s way into my blood stream. I’m beginning to relax, but not nearly enough to forget. “Tell me you love me,” he orders.

I gaze into those green eyes, my lips part, and I say it. “I love you.” I’m sobbing now. “I love you, Josh, so much that I feel like I’m being gutted.” I fall into his lap and weep. I’m trying to be strong, but it’s impossible. I think it would be different if he didn’t love me, or was having an affair for the whole time we were together, but that’s not the case. From the way he tells the story, he was manipulated when his guard was down.

He plays with my hair until I manage to calm down. I’m sniffling, but remain in his lap. For some reason being like this with him comforts me, even though he’s the person who caused this. “Can I stay the night in here with you? I won’t try anything, I swear. I need to be close to you.”

I sit up and try to think of all the ways it’s a bad idea, but I’m left wanting it too. “Okay.”

We climb under the covers together, him fully dressed, and me in my pajamas. For a couple minutes we’re far apart, both of us facing each other. Then he reaches for my hand. “I can’t do this without you. I get why you feel the need to leave.”

“I won’t give up on our friendship, if that’s what you’re getting at. I need it too.”

He kisses my hand and closes his eyes, only to slide up against my body and wrap one arm around my back. I nestle my head under his chin and close my eyes. How am I supposed to get over this when being in his arms is the only thing to make it better?





Chapter 26


Joshua


Desperate for advice, I went to the one person I knew I could count on. My dad.

He’s standing with my uncles, a beer in one hand, and a dart in the other. They’re aiming at the board, a tied score listed on the score card.