Fire In His Eyes (Secrets & Seduction #1)(35)

“You didn’t leave.” The awe in my voice was apparent. I was touched he had stayed so long.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to be sure you were okay. You’re okay, right?” he looked me in the eyes. His eyes were baggy, dark circles underneath them.

“I’m okay, but what about you? Did you sleep, at all?” I asked concern for him apparent in my voice.

“Not much,” he turned to me lying on his side. I did the same. “Monica, we have to talk, but there are things I just can’t seem to tell you. I don’t think I can find the right words to make you understand.” I could see the internal struggle he was battling with. “When I do, I will tell you. I wish I could tell you now, it would be such a relief to get it off my chest, not having to live with these other secrets.” His eyes searched my face for answers I couldn’t give him because I didn’t know the questions.

“There are other secrets?” I asked.

“Yes.” He closed his eyes and nodded briefly.

“Why can’t you tell me, Victor? I wish you would. Maybe, your mind is making more out of it than it really is, like with the toys and other things.” I was grasping at straws here. I knew whatever this next secret was it was going to be a whopper, but I hated feeling like this, and seeing him like this.

“I can’t tell you because I can’t have you, and I don’t want to give you up.” It looked like he was battling some serious demons. I wished I could help him.

“I don’t want you to give me up, either!” I sat up in bed, suddenly terrified, and took his hands. “Don’t give me up, please. Don’t give up on us,” I begged.

“I should. You’d be better off!” He turned to lie on his back looking up at the ceiling pulling away from me.

“I wouldn’t,” I stated firmly. “Victor, I wouldn’t be better off without you. Don’t say that,” I was pleading now.

“Yes, you would.” His voice was full of resignation.

“So, where do we go from here?” I asked grasping the bed sheets in my hand. Fear, like a knot in my stomach, made me nauseous.

“I don’t know. I’ve got things to think about. I guess we are still in the same situation. I can’t, won’t, make promises to you I can’t keep. I don’t want to lie to you, but I guess I’m lying to you because there a lot of things I am not telling you. Lies by omission.” His laugh was cold and he still was staring at the ceiling not looking at me.

When I first woke up to see him here, I had been touched, but now just a few minutes later I was terrified and because of that I was getting angry. I did not like the direction this conversation was going in. I didn’t like at all. “Well,” I stated sarcastically, “At least you’re being honest about the fact that you are lying to me.” I was extremely frustrated that this conversation was going around in circles and I didn’t understand any of it.

“Ouch, Monica!” His sharp eyes turned to me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” I tried to back track. “I don’t want to fight.”

His eyes softened. “I don’t want to either, Monica.” There was pause as he sat up. “Listen, I am already going to be late. Let me shower quickly. We can talk tonight, I promise. We’ll hash some of this out.” He sat up and gave me a quick peck on the cheek and headed for the shower.

“Okay . . . tonight,” I said, scrambling out of bed behind him. I’d fix him some coffee for the road. I was willing to let it go indefinitely if it meant not losing him. I knew whatever those explanations were going to be, they might ruin us. Victor thought so, he had warned me from the very start. I was foolish, so foolish, despite all his warnings to the contrary, I had gone and fallen in love with him anyway.





He called at ten on Friday night. He was in a much better mood. He had made a big decision he informed me. From his tone, and it sounded real to me, he was feeling better. He had decided he would continue with the contracting business for the rest of the year, and if it didn’t improve, he was rejoining the military. He had even called his senior ranking officer, and had been told they would give him 12 months from when he resigned, to allow him to re-up without getting demoted and taking a pay cut. So, he had four months before he had to give them his decision. I could hear the excitement in his voice. A door had not closed on him, and knowing that really cheered him up. I would do everything I could to help him make the decision to return. He loved the military. Even if it meant him being sent overseas away from me, it was worth it if he was doing something he loved. I loved teaching, but it was a job you could do anywhere.

“That’s great news. You are being pro-active. I know when I have a plan, and a deadline it makes me feel like I’ve got something accomplished,” I said enthusiastically.

“Exactly, I do feel a big weight off my shoulders. I wouldn’t have even called today, if you hadn’t brought it up last night. I am seriously going to consider this, and I’ve got four months to make my decision.” The relief in his voice made me glad I had pressed a bit last night.

“Money, can’t buy you love,” I laughed. “Love what you do.”

He laughed, too. “Ain’t that the truth!” His tone became a little flatter, but in the next instant, he was chipper again. “Come to me next Thursday. I want to take you dancing. I want to see you and make it up to you for my crappy mood last night.” He laughed “Really?” I laughed. “That sounds great.” I laughed. The call ended a bit later, after he asked me to recap my day, and I felt good about the call. I was also a bit relieved that he hadn’t brought up anything from our talk that morning. I was sure I wasn’t ready to hear it.