Bereft (Seven Year Itch #2)(35)

I already missed our life together. Even with Grayson downstairs it would never be the same. He’d never hold me in his arms and make me feel like the luckiest woman on the planet. He’d never greet me with a welcome home kiss that would make me weak in the knees. He’d never be the person I wanted to share special moments with.

I’d been pushed away by a force so strong it was impossible to forget. Betrayal is ugly. It shows it’s face like vicious prey looking to kill it’s next meal. It doesn’t pick and choose it’s victims. We did that on our own. We make the choices that set our lives into a whirlwind of regret. We choose to let the people we love down. Our terrible decisions impact the ones we love the most.

I didn’t know how to overcome it, and I wasn’t sure if I had the courage to stick around and try.





Chapter 18


Grayson


Rachel was right up the stairs from me. This was the longest we’d been in the same place since she’d discovered my infidelity. At least I knew she was safe, even if it was from herself. The identity of her special friend didn’t matter to me. Of course I was apprehensive about giving her free reign to seek out some kind of resolution, however it was what she sought out to do. No man wants his wife, the love of his life, to be with another man. The idea of it made me sick to the point where I wondered if I’d ever be able to touch her the way I used to without imagining someone else’s hands on places only I was supposed to have access to.

I finished off another drink before getting it in my head that going upstairs was a good idea. Once I hit the first step I didn’t hesitate. I knew I wasn’t going to give up until I was in the room with her.

I didn’t knock, or make her aware I was coming in. I simply pushed open the door and found her in bed, sitting on her computer. My side was still folded. I closed my eyes and thought about what I’d done in the bed, and what she’d done with someone else. We’d hurt each other. On my part, there was no excuse. I’d made poor choices, and now had to pay the ultimate sacrifice. “Rachel,” I whispered her name softly as I approached the bed.

She closed the screen on her device and stared wide-eyed. “You can’t be in here.”

Hot tears fell down my cheeks. “Please don’t. Don’t push me away.”

I watched her lids close, and when she opened them back up they were red and filled. “Grayson, I can’t do this right now. I thought I explained that.”

“I can’t let you slip away. I need you. I need you so damn much it’s killing me inside. I know I did you wrong.”

She threw up her right hand. “You have to stop this. I can’t stand it. It’s making the situation worse.”

“No, you moving out on me is the worst. I’m begging you, let me stay in here. I don’t want to be alone. I need my wife. If this is the last time we’re ever going to be together, please let me stay in here with you. Give me that, Rachel. Let me be next to you.”

She opened her mouth, but closed it before any words came out. I could tell she was confused about how to respond. “Nothing is going to happen between us.”

I interrupted. “I know. I’m not even going to try. I just want to be close to the only woman I’ll ever love. You might not believe it, but I mean it with all I have left in me. You know me better than anyone, Rachel. Look into my eyes and see how sincere I am. I’m not lying to you. I made that mistake already. I won’t do it again.”

She scooted over, further than she actually needed to. “Fine. If you try to convince me to change my mind I promise I’ll take my things tonight and leave. I’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart. This doesn’t mean I forgive you at all.”

I walked over to my side of the bed and climbed under the covers, keeping a good distance between us. Rachel opened her laptop and pretended to act like I wasn’t close to her. I tried to remain quiet, but being so close to her was causing me to get overemotional. She was my beautiful wife, and I couldn’t touch her. My own self-inflicted prison was killing me. “I like your hair,” I said softly under my breath.

She turned and looked and me. “I thought you said to never cut it.”

“You’re beautiful no matter how you wear your hair, Rachel. I’ve felt that way since the moment I first laid eyes on you. Do you remember the day we met?”

“Of course.” She closed her computer lid again. “I’ll never forget it.”

“I wish we could go back. I know it’s not possible now, but I’d do things differently.”

“I believe you, Grayson.”

“You do?” I shifted to turn my whole body to face hers.

“I’m not oblivious to what you’re going through. I have compassion. I can tell when something is bothering you, and it’s obvious you’re struggling. I am too. This isn’t how I saw our future going.” She wiped her eyes. “I thought we’d be together forever. I thought we were best friends.”

“We still can be.”

She shook her head. I watched her face scrunch as she began to weep. “I wish we could. I do. I wish we could make it all go away, but it’s too late. Some damage is irreparable. We can’t fix what’s broken. We’ve both made choices we aren’t proud of. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to feel like this.”