Bereft (Seven Year Itch #2)(33)
“I’m worried about you. Why are you just getting home?” The truth was that I needed to know if she’d been with him again.
“That’s none of your business. I think we’ve already addressed that. What are you doing here?”
I smirked while throwing up my hands, as if she didn’t have the right to question it. “I decided to come home. I’m not staying in a hotel when I have a perfectly good house I’m paying for. You never answered my question. Why are you so late?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I was at work, and then went straight to a show. One of our clients was performing and gave us free tickets, front row. I had to change at the office.” She stepped out of her heels and started walking toward the steps. “I’m tired, and for once I had a fantastic night. I’m not going to stand here and let you ruin it. If you’ll excuse me, I have work in the morning. I’m going to bed.”
“Rachel, wait.” She spun around and gave me a look of annoyance.
“What?”
“We really do need to talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I want a divorce, and there isn’t a single thing you can do or say to change my mind.”
Chapter 17
Rachel
His words were like a knife driving deep into my heart. “I’d marry you again if I could. We could start over anywhere you wanted. We could put the past behind us, both of us. I know you still love me, Rachel. I can see it in your eyes. It wouldn’t hurt so much if you didn’t. Please don’t give up on us. Don’t throw away ten years we’ve had together. We can make new memories.”
I don’t know why his words were getting to me. It was as if a barrier was about to shatter, and I wasn’t able to fight back. The truth was, I did love Grayson. I loved him with every bone in my body. There were times when I felt like I couldn’t breathe without him in my life; that if something ever happened to him I’d die myself.
Maybe I was just tired, or it was possible the guilt was beginning to eat me alive. I could feel the rush of tears falling down my cheeks, and the way my lips were trembling from attempting to hold in my feelings. This wasn’t easy, and I certainly couldn’t be prepared for how my heart would feel when he sat so close, pleading for me to love him. Even a quick glance to his face told me everything I needed to know. Grayson was telling the truth. He wanted to start over. In a way, I wanted the same things, but my inability to get over his indiscretions left me unable to forgive.
It was possible time would heal my broken heart, but for now I wanted nothing to do with Grayson, and the pain being around him brought me. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I know you’re trying, but I’m not ready for this. I don’t know if I will ever be. It hurts too much.” I sniffled to prevent the snot from pouring out of my nose. I had to stay strong. It was important for him to understand I couldn’t shut off the images in my mind. They were still fresh and just as painful. “You have every right to be here in your home, but I can’t promise I’ll be able to handle being around every day. It might be better if I found a small place to rent in the city, at least temporarily.”
“Is that where he lives?”
Wow. He had nerve. “What does it matter? Is your office close to your girlfriend’s house?” It was a low blow.
Grayson shook his head. “She’s not my girlfriend. I told you it’s over. I have no intentions of seeing her ever again.”
“I guess six months was plenty of time for you to get your fix.”
“You’re not being fair. What about your new boy toy?” His assumption made me giggle.
“Boy toy? Did you seriously say that?”
The funny part was that Grayson should have recognized Chad. He’d met him quite a few times at holiday parties. Chad had changed a lot since then. He was older, and much more mature, but he still resembled the same person.
“Yeah, I did. He looks like you picked him up from a magazine shoot.”
I covered my mouth and giggled. Grayson was jealous. I suppose I could relate. Every time I thought about him with Kyla, I felt like I wasn’t good enough anymore. Grayson saw Chad as a threat, and he should have. In two days I’d had more fun in and out of the bedroom with Chad then I could ever remember having with Grayson. My husband was sort of selfish when it came to sex. Chad went out of his way to make each time we were together amazing. I don’t know. Maybe I was just excited because it was something new, at a time when I felt like the rest of my life was a huge mess. He distracted me, and also made me feel like I was sexy and attractive. He made it easy to forget I’d been cheated on. “He’s a friend and that’s all you need to know. I owe you nothing as far as an explanation goes. You ripped me apart. If I enjoy someone else’s company, it’s your own fault. You did this to me, Grayson. Don’t forget it for a second. You set all this into motion, not me. I’m just trying to get by without wanting to give up altogether.”
He wept in his hands, unable to look up at me. My heart ached for him. It was obvious his pain could have been diminished had I been caring, yet I wasn’t going to budge, not yet anyway. Until I could stop being so angry, Grayson was going to have to deal with the repercussions of his own actions. My extracurricular activities weren’t his concern. Maybe in some ways I was doing it to get back at him, but when I thought about today’s actions, I wondered if it was more about me wanting something I’d never had before; something Grayson had never been able to give me.