Below the Peak (Sola)(45)
Her throat worked. Nara swallowed bitterly and held her father’s eyes. She understood her father loved and cared for her which also meant he feared for her life.
“I’m sorry father” she mumbled avoiding his gaze. He let go of her arm and scrubbed his face and expelled a weary sigh, knowing she’d made up her mind. Desperately wanting to escape the guilt tripping silence, Nara moved past him and hurried away.
***
Nara grit her teeth hard. She punched the strawman hard, again and again till sweat perspired from each pore, creating a layer of sweat over her skin. Her lungs and throat burned and her breathing labored. She wanted to scream and harm something alive to remove this feeling of despair. So, she kicked and fisted the strawman with all she had. Straws rain down to the ground as she attacked ruthlessly. Her whole body was burning from heat and muscles aching, and she didn’t care.
Nara kept on doing this for a while wrapped up in her own world ignoring other warriors in the vicinity until Astrid passed in her line of sight that’s when she stopped. Astrid still hadn’t left for Fisher as she’d said she would.
“Astrid” Nara called past a dry throat. She noted how Astrid’s shoulders stiffened while she kept on walking.
Nara stalked toward her. “Stop being childish”. She had had enough, now she demanded an explanation to why she was receiving the cold shoulder. “Clearly something is going on here, and I’ve somehow missed or forgotten to what I should know” Nara stood in front of her. If it were anyone else, she wouldn’t have bothered to figure what was wrong. But this was Astrid, one of the few friends she had. Friends were hard to come by for her.
As it has become the norm, Astrid avoided her gaze. “Nothing is going on.”
“Then why do you avoid me like a contagious disease?” Nara challenged, blocking her when Astrid tried to move around her.
That seemed to get her because Astrid clamped her jaw and leveled her eyes at her. “It is the way you look at me.”
“Pardon?”
“Even now” Astrid mused bitterly. “You’re looking at me like I’m a lost child.”
“I don’t understand” Nara frowned. Her confused expression aggravated Astrid. “Since the other night, you have been looking at me pitifully, and when you speak to me, there’s caution to your tone as if I’d break any moment.” Astrid’s laugh was humorless. “I see the judgmental looks people give me from the distant, I’ve now fallen to the coward soldier status to them, and I am fine with that. But I didn’t expect it from you. Not after everything!” her last words were painful fervidly whisper.
Nara was rendered speechless for a moment, she cleared her throat then spoke. “I’m sorry if my actions offended you. However, I only treated you as a friend who cares. Perhaps you misunderstood my understanding and sympathy with pity. And I only spoke to you with caution because I only wanted to give you space, not that I feared you’d break. You are still the courageous warrior I know, nothing has changed regardless of that night. Everyone has their moment where they feel afraid and vulnerable that that doesn’t change or give the right to regard them lesser.”
A pregnant pause.
“I’m sorry for being irrational and causing you embarrassment the other night” Astrid apologized, her shoulders relaxed when Nara nodded her acceptance. “Truthfully, you have always been the brave one. I’ve not seen you ranting like most of the others. You have managed to stay sane despite present circumstances.” Astrid said.
Nara shook her head. “Not true, my time isn’t here yet. I believe my break down would be far worse.”
“Perhaps a bunch of us have been pretending this whole time to be dauntless when we are nothing but spineless hypocrites” Astrid gave her a sad smile.
“Don’t say that, you know it’s not true” Nara insisted.
“I am still leaving when I get the chance to meet with the General. I have not seen him since we got back, no doubt he’s been occupied by the meetings in the king’s court” There were regret and remorse in Astrid’s eyes. That answered why she was still here. Nara couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t bothered by her decision. Weren’t they supposed to stick together till the end? Didn’t it mean nothing all the years she served with them? Who is to say, if she left, other soldiers wouldn’t follow her behind, abandoning their post? What would become of the army then?
“You realize running to Fisher won’t protect you from the war. Once Abasi’s army set foot here they won’t leave no stone unturned that includes in Fisher” Nara said.
“Still I want to spend my last days in peace and freedom” Astrid muttered, lowering her gaze to the ground.
Nara’s mouth thinned in disappointment, seeing the resolve in Astrid’s expression. A twinge of hurt pricked her chest. Weren’t the two of them supposed to stick together and have each other’s back to the end?
“I respect your decision” Nara clipped, not masking how she felt. She wasn’t going to wish her the best because she wouldn’t mean it. Right now, she only felt let down by one of the most important people in her life.
“I’m sorry” Astrid mumbled again.
“Yes, me too. I must go” Nara had already begun to stride away even before the words left her mouth.