Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(71)

There wasn’t a way to know how many tears I’d shed, or how many boxes of tissues I’d gone through, but what I did know was that with every amount of pain I was dealt, I came out stronger than before. I’d get through this, with or without Chad.

Thirty seven days after telling me the news of his wife, I got an email from Chad. Seeing his name pop up on my computer screen forced my stomach to knot up. I sucked in a deep breath and prepared for the worse, because let’s face it, I was tired of being hopeful. At this point I was fully prepared for anything.



Rachel,

The past months have been trying for my family. Veronica has seen more doctors than anyone should in their whole lives. The diagnosis is always the same. There is little they can do with her late stage cancer, so now they’re just doing the best they can to provide her with extra time. Two weeks ago she started getting sick from the treatments. With the lack of sleep she was receiving, the doctors started giving her something to help. She’s heavily medicated, and her side effects have been crippling on most days. I never would have thought I’d have to watch another woman I cared about die in front of my eyes.

I’m sorry I haven’t phoned you, or reached out in any way. To be honest, I just needed time. I can’t begin to tell you what it’s like seeing Harper watching her mother fading away, just as I did with my own.

Some days are good. Veronica gets out of bed and spends quality time with us, but it always ends the same. She’s frail and her body gets tired quickly. Harper doesn’t understand how she can’t run around anymore.

Lately we’ve been talking about telling her the truth; that her mother only has a short time left with us. All I can think about is how you got through this. How did Grayson? I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. Veronica was a healthy spitfire only months ago. She was hell-bent on making me suffer, and now it takes everything she has to share a meal with us. How do I explain this to my daughter? How do I sit her down and tell her that the mother she loves is going to die?

How is it even possible that my wife would die in the same way as my own did?

I’m either the unluckiest person in this world, or glutton for punishment. Either way, I can’t see a way out of this with my head on straight.

That’s why I haven’t called or written. I’m not the man I was a month ago. I’m tired. Every day is a struggle, and just when I think there’s hope, it’s stripped away from me.

Even through all my problems, I still think of you, and hope you’re doing well. I miss you, but I know it’s not right to ask you to be a part of the mess I’m in.

In the months to come I know it’s going to get worse. If you have any advice I’d appreciate it, because I feel like there isn’t a chance in hell for me to recover.



Please keep us in your prayers.

Love,

Chad.




I was in tears after his message, and knew it was impossible to comfort him with words, but was determined to do my best at it.



Chad,

I’m so sorry to hear about the prognosis and the pain Veronica has been going through. To endure such harsh treatments can take a toll on the body.

Losing Grayson was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I didn’t get to say goodbye, and it kills me that I wasn’t there for him in the end. He died alone, which is something Veronica won’t have to deal with. You’re going to be there, holding her hand and promising to care for Harper. That’s the man she needs you to be. Don’t worry about yourself, or what will happen once she’s gone. Focus on the now. Live every single day like it’s your last and the rest will fall into place. You won’t need instructions. Your body will know what to do before your mind can catch up. I have faith in you, but I’ll keep praying.

Hang in there, and know I’m only a phone call away, even if it’s to listen.



Love,

Rachel



I expected him to write back, but didn’t hear from him again that night, or for the next few. Maybe he’d messaged me while intoxicated and regretted it. Maybe he knew it was best to stay focused on his family, instead of what could have been. I was prepared to be there as his friend, but understood why it wasn’t happening.

At the end of the day I knew this would change him. I also knew there was little chance of me seeing him again, at least not in the near future.

Once that happened, I knew I had to let go. I couldn’t keep hoping he was going to show up at my front door telling me it was finally our time to be together, because I no longer wanted it to happen. What I wanted for Chad, was to be able to handle the loss of his wife and still have the strength to raise his daughter. I prayed for him to be strong, and never stop hoping for he best.



The next weekend I visited Grayson’s grave site. I replaced the flowers I’d left the last time, and brushed off his headstone, tracing the letters where it read ‘beloved husband’. “I miss you. I’m sorry I haven’t stopped by lately. You probably already know what I went and did. Don’t be mad at me. During our marriage I never strayed. I didn’t regret a single day of our life together, but now that you’re gone things have changed. I’m tired of being alone, and Chad came into my life when we both needed the support of another. It was easy to fall back in love with him. Maybe I never stopped. It’s hard to tell, not that it matters anymore. As fast as he was back in my life, he’s gone again. Now I’m broken. I try to be grateful for my health and little Grayson. He’s so handsome, just like his grandfather. I wish you could hold him and see his little smile. It really does light up my life.” I paused for a second to calm down before I lost it. “I need a favor from you, Grayson. If you’re up there hanging out with some angels I need you to send one over for Chad and his daughter. Watch over them. They’re about to lose someone dear to them, and I know they could use all the help they can get. If you see Charles, tell him I’m doing my best.” I leaned over and kissed the cement block. “I love you forever.”