Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(68)
“No. My mom is going to come over while I go to my classes, and then I’ll come back. Harper is fine. If we need to go somewhere she can tag along with us.”
“Thanks, Dani. We really appreciate it.”
My next stop was into my daughter’s room. A small nightlight illuminated the small area, making it easier to see my sleeping beauty. I walked over and sat down on the edge of her mattress. She stirred, her little eyes fluttering open. Suddenly I had arms wrapped behind my neck as far as they would go. “Daddy, you’re back. Is Mommy home too?”
“No, she has to stay with the doctors a little while longer.”
“Is she hurt? Mommy made me call for help. She said I was a big helper. She was bleeding.”
“She’s going to be okay, sweetie. Daddy is headed to bed, and in the morning I’m going to go check on Mommy again. Dani and Ms. Helen are going to take care of you until I return. Is that okay?” I hated making promises I didn’t know I could keep, but I had hopes everything would work out. They had to.
“I want to see Mommy too. Why can’t I go?”
“Mommy is having some tests tomorrow. Maybe later on we can drop back by for a visit, if she has to stay. Daddy is hoping to bring her home so we can all be together. How does that sound?”
“Good.” I started to get up as she continued. “Can I sleep with you tonight? I miss Mommy.” Her little bottom lip was protruding, making it impossible for me to resist. One day she’d be a little heartbreaker, but right now she was my special little girl.
“Yeah, come on, just as long as you don’t hog the covers,” I teased.
“I don’t do that.” She giggled while I lifted her to carry.
Having Harper with me wasn’t going to make my worries go away, but at least I wouldn’t be alone. She was the reason I’d do my best to make Veronica comfortable.
Before finally falling victim of my own exhaustion I silently lay there imagining a life with Rachel, and then it being stripped away, one piece at a time. In life there is always some sort of resolution, though I couldn’t imagine finding it. I was on a reckless train, out of control and headed into an ocean with no means to survive. My life, the mess I’d made of it, the future I longed to have, were all being pulled in different directions. I couldn’t come up with a solution for everyone to be happy, and knowing that made my life so much more complicated.
Chapter 37
I was up and out the door bright and early the next morning, eager to get more answers and be able to get plans into motion to help Veronica.
By the time I arrived at the hospital, she was already in bad shape. “I know I’m going to die, Chad. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. They’re going to find something bad today. What am I going to do? How will I say goodbye to Harper? What if it’s spread throughout my whole body?”
“Would you stop it. We don’t know anything. You have to calm down and hold on to hope.”
“I can’t. You haven’t lived the same life as me. You haven’t been faced with demons, only to have another pop up. I’ve already lost everything. What good can come from this? I’m forcing your hand, and I hate myself.”
“You’re being ridiculous. I’m here because I want to be.”
“You’re here because you feel obligated. There’s a difference. I know you want out. You’re probably happy this could resolve all your problems.”
“Never once have I considered it, that’s the damn truth. Stop talking nonsense and say a prayer with me. Hold on to something, Veronica. For god sakes, stop being so morbid. You’re alive. That’s a good as a gift as ever to have hope. You’re going to be okay. I promise.”
She ignored me for the few hours, pretending I wasn’t even in the room. I researched her condition on my phone, reading about other people’s struggles and how they’d overcome adversity and fought the disease.
A few times I thought about Rachel, but knew I had to give her some time to herself. I’d strung her along enough, begging her to move in, only to tell her I wouldn’t be joining her, at least not any time soon.
Despite my efforts to reassure my wife, Veronica was a wreck when they wheeled her away for testing. Her sobs could be heard all the way down the hall, possibly further, I couldn’t be sure.
While she was gone I reflected on our life together, the good, the bad, and even the ugly. I thought about her childhood, and the pain she’d spent her whole life trying to forget. I recalled the beautiful birth of our daughter, and seeing the love flow through her when our child was placed in her arms for the first time. My mind reminisced on our baby’s first smile, tooth, and steps. I remembered the way Veronica appreciated me, trusted me even. We’d built a life together, full of ups and downs, but mostly love. Even our flaws gave us lessons in how to work together. Never in a million years could I have seen this coming.
Nearly two hours after her tests were complete, we were visited by the oncologist and his news wasn’t what we were both hoping for.
“The cancer has spread to her lungs and lymph nodes. We can do a hysterectomy, and several rounds of treatment, but I’m afraid it may only slow down the process.” It kept repeating in my mind as I watched Veronica falling apart, and the doctor continue to talk with his words turning into a low mumble. I was losing my grip to hold on, listening to the sound of her shrills as she was delivered the gravest of results. She’d known the news was going to be bad, even when I argued with her to be positive.