Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(70)

I sunk down on my sofa, looking straight at the four packed boxes I’d spent hours getting together. “Of course not. Why?” I couldn’t tell him how excited Stephanie was about moving back to her childhood home, or how she’d been over earlier in the day to bring over a few of their things.

“I don’t know how to say this any other way. Veronica had her tests today, and what they found was bad. It’s spread. Her lungs and lymph nodes now have cancer in them.” His voice started to break up and my heart broke for the anguish he was having to go through. “They’re giving her two years at the most.”

“Oh my god.” What else could I say? His wife was dying, all while we’d been planning to get away from her so we could be together. I felt sick to my stomach, evil even. “I’m so sorry.”

“She needs to see my grandfather’s doctors, so we’re moving into the mansion. Our flight leaves tomorrow. Once we’re settled, I’ll head back to California to get the house on the market and help the moving company sort out what we’re bringing with us. I know it’s not what you thought I’d be calling about, and I wish circumstances could be different, but this is what has to happen. I have to be with her, no matter how long it takes.”

I nodded, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “Of course. I get it. It’s where you need to be.”

“Rach, I need to be focused on them. I can’t give Veronica any reasons to want to give up fighting. Harper needs her. I won’t be able to see you for a while.”

“I understand.” The tears were pouring from my eyes, while I tried my hardest to keep him from detecting it. “It’s the right decision for everyone. You need to remain focused. There’s got to be something out there they can do. Medicine has come along way, and if Charles could beat the odds, anyone can.”

“Please don’t hate me.”

“How could I hate you?”

“You’ll never know how sorry I am for leading you and then taking it all away again. I hate myself, but I’m obligated.”

“Just keep in touch the best you can. I don’t expect weekly phone calls, but checking in every once in a while would be nice.” Was I really suggesting for him to keep his distance? Was I crazy?

“Okay. Rach, I love you. I need you to know that. I still want us to be together, it just can’t be right now. Tell me it’s going to be alright. Tell me I can handle this.” It was obvious he was torn, falling apart without the means to put himself back together.

“You will get through this. I know you can.”

“I promise I’ll call.”

“I look forward to it.”

“Goodbye, Rach.”

“Goodbye, Chad.”

The boxes I’d been staring at didn’t move for three days. I stayed in my room for two of them, unable to accept something else was standing in our way.

I’d become accustom to handling bad news. I knew how to simplify my life in order to manage stress, but this was unbearable. First Grayson, then Charles, and now I was losing Chad all over again. This time there wouldn’t be an easy resolution. His wife could be dying, and I refused to be a distraction for Chad. His focus had to be on his wife; his family. They needed each other, even if it were only for a friendship.

My despondent demeanor didn’t change for the next week, or the one that followed. At first Chad sent messages, telling me about the newest doctor’s appointment and how the second opinion was much the same as the first. I could tell he was determined to keep fighting, because giving up meant his child would be without a mother. From someone who raised a child that wasn’t my own, I could appreciate how important it was for him to do everything in his power to keep her alive. I didn’t even want to begin to imagine the amount of money he was prepared to spend in order for her to have a second chance at life. Chad was relentless, and determined. He’d do everything in his power to make sure his little girl didn’t have to endure the most paramount of losses.

I can see where my actions would seem ridiculous to many, or that I didn’t deserve to be upset, because I never should have gotten involved with a married man. In many ways I felt ashamed for being a part in it, especially after I’d fought to keep my distance from him in the beginning, only to fall victim to the way only he could make me feel.

Breaking the news to Stephanie and her husband was another struggle for me. Since she’d been elated to have been offered the house, free and clear, I refused to go back on my word, so in the midst of my own problems, I decided to rent a smaller place more suitable for one person.

It was hard packing up most of my things when I knew I was going somewhere to be alone. When Chad’s emails started to become less frequent, it was easier to deal with not being together.

I spent my free time helping Stephanie with the baby, and moving into a compact space of my own.

I thought about calling Chad and letting him know about my change of address, but knew he was dealing with enough. If he needed me, he’d proven I was easy to find.

A month went by, and even though my heart still ached for his companionship, I found solace in knowing he was being the man I loved; the devoted person who saw things through until the very end.

This part of my life wasn’t uncharted waters. I’d loved and I’d lost. The vicious cycle kept going, even when I was ready to give up.