Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(25)

I finally understood why she was confusing the hell out of me. “You think if we spend time together and something happens it’s like you’re deceiving Grayson?” I scratched my head. “Damn. I can see where you’d feel that way, but put yourself in my shoes. I stepped aside so you’d run back to him, Rachel. I’ve spent the last ten years regretting my decision. The way I see it, maybe this was all meant to happen.”

“Are you saying Grayson was meant to die? How could you think that?” Her look of disgust made me want to grab her and shake it out of her.

“Jesus, no. I’d never think that. I’m just saying, Maybe I was never meant to be the rebound guy. I saved you once before. Maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do now. I may have been the other man ten years ago, but right now I’m the only one remaining. Maybe it makes me desperate. I don’t really give a shit. My marriage is over. I’m not going back to a woman who doesn’t appreciate me; someone who can’t love me for all my qualities and flaws. She can’t see past the money, and after her involvement with her doctor I’m done trying to make things work. I’m not saying you and I should jump into a relationship, but I’m putting all the cards on the table beforehand, so you know exactly where I stand, and what I have to gain.”

"You make it sound easy and it's not. I lost my husband. He's gone. ?I don't have a choice. Just because you're back for a little while doesn't mean I'm going to let it turn into what we had years ago. I think you're grasping for something to hold onto. I know you're going through hell, but being with me isn't the solution. Eventually you'll go home. Fantasizing about being with you again is just that. It's a dream. You're a good man, Chad. When we were together you made life easier. I fell in love with you so quickly. It was amazing, but I knew it wouldn't last forever. Nothing that good ever does."



The elevator doors opened and I followed her out. I was annoyed, though nothing would stop me from spending my evening with her, not even her sensible reasoning.

She kept walking ahead of me, finally coming to her vehicle. It was now or never. "You have every right to assume this can't be anything more than a temporary affair. I don't blame you for being cautious, but there is something I want you to know."

She turned around, finally looking right at me. "What?"

"I still love you." I swallowed the lump in my throat as the words came out, silently praying she wouldn't force me to leave. It wasn't everyday that I told someone other than my wife that I loved them, but in this instance it was the truest statement I'd ever made. "I feel like I've loved you for a lifetime. It’s true. I love my wife, but it’s not the same. It’s always been you, Rach. You’re the only woman I know I’ll never be able to let go of. Staying away was my only option. I did it to protect both of our lives, but there’s nothing standing in the way anymore. Please don't push me away." I paused one more time. "I need you, just as much as I think you need me."

Her shoulders relaxed, and I watched her purse fall from her grip and hit the concrete ground. She shrugged while staring into my eyes. Her lips were trembling, allowing me to almost sense the connection between us. "I'm not strong enough to be with you again. I can't handle anymore heartache. Being close to you scares me, because I’m tired of the pain and suffering."

I took two steps forward, breaking the distance between us. "I'm not capable of hurting you again, Rach. If you give me this chance I promise I won't let you down. Let me be your friend, and whatever comes with it will be determined by both of us."

Some might have expected us to seal the deal with a kiss, but I preferred to hold her tightly in my arms. I hadn't come to the office to get into her pants. Rachel was more than a quick f*ck. She was the only person who could break me in two, and knowing that scared the shit out of me.

She cried, so hard it was making me shake. I’d been right about her needing me, but I hadn’t anticipated her to fall apart when she finally understood our connection was mutual.

Loving her came easy. I’d been in denial for too long. Sure, I’d always known walking away from her was a mistake, but now I understood just what I’d lost by doing it.

The smell of her hair products filled my nostrils, bringing a familiar memory into my mind as we stood entwined together. A few cars drove by before she pulled away and straightened her clothing. “I’m a mess and it’s all your fault.”

Even through the tears I knew she was teasing me. “You missed me. It happens.”

“Don’t be cocky.”

“Don’t get in that car, Rach. Ride with me.”

“You’re trying to keep me.” She pointed as she said it. “I know what you’re up to. I’m going home tonight. I have animals to feed.”

I crossed my arms and laughed. “Since when?”

“Since I bought them for companionship.”

I wasn’t convinced. “What kind of pets do you have? What are their names?”

“Cats. Pete and Sam.”

“Cats are self sufficient. I’m sure they’ll be fine for a little while. Knowing you, they’re over fed.”

She shook her head and picked up her purse, located the keys to her car and unlocked it. “I’m driving myself.”