Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(26)
I walked to the passenger side of the vehicle. “Fine, I’ll ride with you. I can pick up my grandfather’s car later on. It’s not like he doesn’t have another one I could drive around.” His garage was filled with eight vehicles. Three were collector’s editions of antique cars, while the others were drivable with tags on them. I didn’t understand why he needed so many, and I never got the chance to ask him.
We made it out of the parking garage before Rachel spoke again. “How is your business doing? I still send most of my clients your way, at least the entertainment ones.”
“It’s prosperous. I’m not hurting. They tell me you sent them. I’m pretty sure most assume we are one in the same. It’s not like our names differentiate. Leviathan Agency and Leviathan Entertainment.”
“True.”
“Your people talk to my people on a daily basis. It’s only the two of us who steer clear of one another.”
“You know I like to keep things strictly professional. It was best that we kept space between us.”
“Why?”
She stopped at a red light and turned her face to look at me. “You know why. Don’t be na?ve. I know you too well to think you would have stayed away if we kept in touch. I also know I’m the reason you left. It’s true your business does well on the west coast, but people are willing to travel for their entertainment needs. Most shoot off location anyway. Be honest with me. You left because you wanted me to be able to have a life with Grayson.”
“I wanted you for myself, but my decision, being the most unselfish thing I’ve ever done, was also the hardest. Not a day goes by where I haven’t thought about you, at least in a caring way. I always want to know you’re okay. So many times I wanted to message you, or ask my grandfather how you were doing, but I knew if I did, even just one time, I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I’d have to come and see you.”
“Then we’d be back to how this all began, right? Is that what you think?”
“Isn’t it the truth?”
She shrugged. “I’d like to think I would have pushed you away. Grayson and I were happier than we’d ever been before. I had you to thank for that. I’d like to think I wouldn’t have been interested in you. While my feelings for you were left unsettled, I was in a committed relationship; one I took seriously.”
“I value your commitment, Rach. I wouldn’t have overstepped.” I shook it off. “It doesn’t matter now, anyway. Sometimes we can’t help what happens next.”
“I can help it, but I assume I’m glutton for punishment. Maybe I’m bored.”
“Maybe somewhere inside you know you missed me too. Maybe you forgive me for breaking your heart, because you know my decision wasn’t in vain. I made the ultimate sacrifice. I settled for less somewhere else because I couldn’t have you. I made a mess of things.”
“Maybe it wasn’t our time, Chad. Did you ever look at it that way? Maybe we’re better off being friends. You say you need me, and perhaps you were right to assume I need you too, but I’m not going to fall back into a heated affair. I want you to promise me you’ll keep this platonic. You can’t push.”
It hurt me to hear her say it so seriously. “If that’s how you want it.”
“It is. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. I want your friendship. It’s what Charles would have wanted.”
As soon as she included my grandfather I knew I couldn’t argue. Maybe she was right. Maybe the only way to keep her in my life forever was to share a non-sexual relationship with her. It would be difficult to abstain. It had to be enough. I wasn’t willing to lose her again, not for any reason, which would include intimacy.
Chapter 14
Being with Chad was like going back in time. The more I fought to withstand his advances, the harder it was becoming to deny ?this could be my last opportunity for happiness.
There were serious problems with getting involved with Chad again.
First of all, he was married. Whether they'd divorce in time was irrelevant. According to the state of California, they were filing a joint return on their taxes at the end of the year. Not only that, but his wife wasn’t exactly the kind of woman to give up easily. She may have gone without a fight, but I had a feeling this wasn’t the end to the relationship, at least from her standpoint. I knew it for sure, because if he was mine, I’d never let him go.
Secondly, he lived in California. His whole life was there. His daughter had friends. They had a home. He ran his business there. It was only a matter of time before the facts outweighed staying here with me. I’d hold him back, and sever the attachments he’d made while we were separated. Life had gotten in the way. We’d grown apart.
Lastly, I was afraid of being hurt again. Chad may have thought walking away from me had been a good idea years ago, but it devastated me. Yes, I'd gone back to Grayson, and we'd had a beautiful marriage after that, but my heart still ached for what could have been. After my most recent loss, I couldn’t bear anymore suffering. I’d rather be alone than hurt.
Now, all of a sudden, he was pushing. I knew he saw this as a second chance, but I wasn’t as open-minded. I had to put my foot down and make rules, because I knew at any moment I’d lose control. I’d never been able to withstand him.