Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(30)
“That’s what’s scaring me. It’s too good to be real.”
“Good things come to those who wait, or in our case, walk away for ten years. Tell me you don’t miss the way this feels and I’ll let you go. Just do me a favor and look at me when you do it, because otherwise I’m never going to believe you.”
“Don’t look at me like that.”
I smirked. Maybe I was anticipating the inevitable and it showed on my face. “Tell me to let go.”
“No.”
“No? Did I hear you right?”
She bit down on her lip again and shrugged. “Please shut up and kiss me.”
I wasn’t going to question her request. My lips came forward and I closed my eyes. I’d waited too long for this moment. “You know once this happens, I’m not letting you leave.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“Stop talking,” I said as my lips locked over hers. She reminded me of a Georgia peach, juicy and ripe, causing a burst of satisfaction when you take your first bite. My tongue coursed over them, slightly parted and accepting what was to come. Her breathing was heavy, her eyes closed, and then halfway open. She appeared to be drunk, but awestruck over how intimate things had become. I knew in that moment, during our very first kiss, I wasn’t ever going to let this woman go. My hunger for her was almost savage. This wasn’t like missing my wife and coming home after a long business trip. This was years of regret built up until a volcanic release erupted from inside of me. I had to taste every inch of her skin, savor everywhere she allowed me to touch her, and re-memorize the places I’d sworn I’d never forget.
Her tongue was warm as it skated with mine, dancing to the same tempo. My hand was fisted into her thick hair, if only to ensure she couldn’t pull away. She was breaking every part of me down to where vulnerability sat waiting to show it’s ugly face again. In this condition I’d be putty in her hands, open to the old wounds, which had haunted me for a decade. Ten years of pent up regret was being erased in one single kiss. That’s how powerful this connection was between the two of us. Being close to Rachel was incomparable. There wasn’t a single woman on her level, not in my eyes. She was no longer the one that got away; not when I had her back in my grasp.
I stopped for a moment to catch my breath. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” I whispered against her soft skin.
“I have a pretty good idea.” She claimed my lips once again, this time climbing overtop of my body to straddle me. I let both hands fall down behind her back and tucked them underneath the soft part of her ass, holding her close.
I had to stop again when the moment became too intense. I placed my forehead against hers and sucked in a full breath of air. My eyes started to sting, and an array of emotions hit me with no warning. I let my head fall down on her shoulder and tried to compose. It was impossible being in this situation after so long. I’d lost everything else, yet the one thing I thought I’d never get back was in my arms, waiting for me to continue.
She could sense I was losing it, as I felt her hands coming up around my back. “I’m sorry,” I managed to get out before sniffling. “I’m so sorry.”
She pushed me back so she could look into my tear-filled eyes. Rachel smiled and ran her fingers over them to wipe the remnants away. “Don’t you dare apologize. You gave me something I could never ask for myself. The choice you made years ago let me have a life with Grayson. I lived. For eight years I experienced happiness. Yes, he’s gone, but I got to share so much with him because you walked away. Don’t you dare be sorry for giving me that time with him, Chad. I’m grateful. The sacrifices you made gave him something to hold on to.” She broke down in that moment with her body still wrapped around mine. “Don’t you ever apologize.”
I ran my fingers over the left side of her cheek, tracing the path her tears fell. “Don’t cry. This isn’t how I saw things going.”
She tried to laugh, but it came out as more air with little sound. “You needed to hear it. You keep feeling like you make a mistake. I’m telling you it wasn’t. We never would have stayed together. I would have been torn apart with my marriage ending, and you would have ended up resenting me. Leaving me no choice was how it had to be. You forced my decision before I could make it on my own. It hurt me. I’m not going to lie. The day you told me we would never work because you were leaving, well it crushed me. I didn’t understand how you could tell me you loved me, but still want to walk away from what we had. Now I know. I understand exactly why you thought it was the right choice. You did what I couldn’t.” She cried harder and took a break from speaking for a second. “You said you still love me. I wanted to think you were saying it because you were overwhelmed with emotions from everything you’re going through, but I know it’s not the truth.”
“I meant it. I’ll love you always, Rach.”
“I believe you. It’s crazy, and it might not make sense, but I know it’s true.”
“What changed? Did I have to shed a tear to make you listen to me?”
“No. I had to stop fighting myself. I hate saying this because I feel like it’s wrong, but I still love you. Please don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. I’d never leave Grayson. We were happy and I was faithful, but you’ve always had a place in my heart. Being here with you only proves it. I can’t keep denying this. A freaking decade has passed and it feels like it’s only been a day.” She leaned forward for a chaste kiss. “This is easy, like I was meant to do it.” She reached behind her back and took my hand in hers, lacing our fingers together. Then she collapsed against me, bawling and shaking so bad I was forced to hold her until she finished. “I can’t lose you again, but I know I can’t keep you either.” She settled herself and gave me a straight face. “If I let you walk away without giving you what you want I’ll regret it forever. Be with me tonight. Stay with me tomorrow, or for however long you’re able to stay, and when it’s time for you to go I’ll be okay. I’ll let you leave, because I’ll know you know how much I’ve loved you.”